# \[RIP\] This afternoon my beloved wife of 40 years entered hospice care. Don't want to talk about it. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 31, 2017, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803 "2017-05-31T23:09:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/221 "2017-06-14T06:59:02Z")
This is why you’re on the list **DZ**. We are not the kids. It’s ok to just tell us. You can also go to sleep. That’s ok too. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/222 "2017-06-14T07:22:20Z")
And why i love you. This long I know nobody. But where’s my buddy? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/223 "2017-06-14T07:34:55Z")
Upstairs, crapping on the carpet. FTR.+ ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/224 "2017-06-14T07:38:48Z")
W/o dark drugs, it’s far where i can dig. used to be paid for it. Used to be the 7.00s. Long ago. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/225 "2017-06-14T11:07:40Z")
Didn’t used to get me that drunk that easy. I mean, at least i couldve figured out what i intended intended to say. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/226 "2017-06-14T11:12:13Z")
G’night. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/227 "2017-06-14T22:52:32Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > G’night. Please take care of yourself. Ask for help if you need to stay away from the bottle. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/228 "2017-06-15T01:46:59Z")
::knock knock:: Hey, are you up? ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/229 "2017-06-15T01:55:56Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I dunno if it is any consolation, but my grandmother basically sublimated all her needs and desires to take care of her sick husband for many years. She was afraid to lose him, she grieved when she lost him, and then she realized how much freedom she had. She sold the house, bought a new one closer to my Aunt, and now goes out dancing every night, does tai chi, takes up kickboxing lessons, occasionally gets laid and genuinely loves her life. Don’t be afraid to celebrate whatever new freedom you might find. It doesn’t make you bad, it makes you human. And the woman who fell in love with you in 1974 would want you to have that. This. The woman I mentioned up-thread had a similar experience. 10 years caring daily for an ever-deepening decline. He was all but a zombie the last 18 months. She didn’t begrudge him a bit; they were as close to soulmates as anyone else I know. Not caring for him to the final moment was unthinkable. But once over the shock of his final departure a new and successful life unfolded for her from the ashes of the old. It’s a little early for dear \*\*dropzone \*\*to be looking for that. But he should know that the current disorientation, guilt, anger, love, loneliness, resentment, and 15 other things spinning in an emotional tornado is a temporary thing. What’s next can be different. And wonderfully so. If you can live for yourself as effectively and as diligently as you lived for her. ---
**Author:** ![Marci\_Al](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Marci\_Al](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marci_Al)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/230 "2017-06-15T02:08:42Z")
#204, the most precious thread in SDMB. You’re OK, DZ. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/231 "2017-06-15T03:01:37Z")
I spent two thirds of my life making sure i could support her. Don’t know much else, besides drinking. ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/232 "2017-06-15T03:23:22Z")
I sympathize with you. I recently lost two close family members, but not as close as yours. I hope that you get closure, acceptance, and a renewed sense of purpose as soon as possible. Also serenity. I love drinking beer, and probably can’t anymore. All that drinking does is mask the feelings and provide momentary chemical relief. Aside from that it’s mostly not a good thing to do regularly. Do you for a while but make sure to REALLY do you in the very soon future. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/233 "2017-06-15T04:48:02Z")
Memorial’s Monday. Need to be cold sober for it. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/234 "2017-06-15T05:00:15Z")
> [@Marci\_Al](#): > > #204, the most precious thread in SDMB. You’re OK, DZ. Indeed. I actually teared up a bit reading it. Hang in there, buddy. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/235 "2017-06-15T05:49:12Z")
> [@Marci\_Al](#): > > #204, the most precious thread in SDMB. You’re OK, DZ. This from a noob. Take THAT, least coherent poster thread! 😉 I appreciate that, kid who doesn’t know me. I wish I didn’t know how to smile without sounding sarcastic. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2017, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/236 "2017-06-16T03:16:12Z")
I have no intention to wear a tie, much less a jacket, to the memorial/funeral. In this weather? Israeli Formal, though I’ll wear full sleeves. One must remain civilized. At VBS last night we had a minor flood. Wife spent a year as main property commissioner, which meant that the usual suspects needed no direction, she just gave reports. One of the Daves extended his condolences, but added, “She was a piece of work.” Finally! Not a hagiography. Yes, she was indeed a piece of work. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2017, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/237 "2017-06-16T03:26:22Z")
Will you be speaking at the service? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2017, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/238 "2017-06-16T03:47:21Z")
Daughter and pastor are planning it. Neither has warned me. I should ask. VBS has kept me around kids all week. Very thereuputic. And the high schoolers where i have dinner are funny. Pretty sophomore with long legs was explaining to handsome sophomore how she skinned her knee. He started to stroke her leg. I said nothing because I lost my virginity on the grounds of a Lutheran church. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2017, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/239 "2017-06-16T13:16:02Z")
Your marriage stories remind me of _American Splendor_, Harvey Pekar’s autobiographical comics. He was completely candid with how he would drive his wife Joyce insane with his obsessions and compulsive behavior. After he died, she had him cremated, stored his ashes in an urn, and said she now had a backup for whenever she ran out of kitty litter. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2017, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803/240 "2017-06-16T15:15:50Z")
Daughters want small samples. Some others will go into tulip beds at a park she loved. Didn’t know what to do with the rest. Need a cat. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-this-afternoon-my-beloved-wife-of-40-years-entered-hospice-care-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/787803.md?page=13)