# Ripped from the Monty Python sketch book **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 10, 2001, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740 "2001-08-10T08:10:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/81 "2001-08-15T14:06:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by thinksnow \* > **But I don’t _like_ SPAM.** Bloody Vikings!! ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/82 "2001-08-15T16:15:03Z")
Lovely plumage! ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/83 "2001-08-15T16:30:33Z")
“She has great big . . . tracts of land!” ---
**Author:** ![DaveX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/96bed5/32.png) [@DaveX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaveX)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/84 "2001-08-15T16:46:28Z")
He’s the true messiah! I should know, I’ve followed a few. Half a bee, philosophically, must also be… We’ve come for your liver. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/85 "2001-08-16T05:04:14Z")
It’s… ---
**Author:** ![nevermore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a587f6/32.png) [@nevermore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevermore)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/86 "2001-08-16T07:44:37Z")
Anyway, if it came from the zoo, it’d have ‘property of the zoo’ stamped on it. No it wouldn’t! They don’t stamp animals ‘property of the zoo’!! You couldn’t stamp a huge lion!! They stamp them when they’re small. What happens when they molt? Lions don’t molt. No, but penguins do. THERE! I’ve run rings around you logically. OOOOH! INTERCOURSE THE PENGUIN!!! ---
**Author:** ![hardcore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@hardcore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardcore)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/87 "2001-08-16T08:07:53Z")
Well I, I think that, er, nobody who has gone abroad should be allowed back in the country. I mean, er, blimey, blimey if they’re not keen enough to stay here when they’re ‘ere, why should we allow them back, er, at the tax-payers’ expense? I mean, be fair, I mean, I don’t eat squirrels do I? I mean well perhaps I do one or two but there’s no law against that, is there? It’s a free country. I mean if I want to eat a squirrel now and again, that’s me own business, innit? I mean, I’m no racialist. ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/88 "2001-08-17T02:47:55Z")
I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired! I, for one, am not; and I am sick and tired of being told that I am! ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/89 "2001-08-17T02:53:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rilchiam \* > \*\*It’s… \*\* Monty Python’s Flying Circus! [http://www.montypython.net/cgi-bin/dl/full.cgi?MP-theme.wav](http://www.montypython.net/cgi-bin/dl/full.cgi?MP-theme.wav) ---
**Author:** ![Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/90 "2001-08-17T02:54:48Z")
Hey. Your nose is going to be three foot wide across your face by the time I’ve finished with you! ---
**Author:** ![Demise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/34f0e0/32.png) [@Demise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demise)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/91 "2001-08-17T03:09:49Z")
“Bring out yer dead!” ---
**Author:** ![Ich\_Bin\_s](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Ich\_Bin\_s](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ich_Bin_s)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/92 "2001-08-17T03:55:24Z")
“Ethel the Aardvard goes quantitiy surveying?” No, no…wha what what what what?! “Ethel the Aardvark goes quantity surveying?” baha…haDA! We’ve got it! I’ve seen it somewhere! YES YES, Here it is! “Ethel the Aardvark goes quantity surveying”! There’s your book! Now…buy it! I don’t have enough money I’ll take a deposit! I don’t have ANY money! I’ll take a check! I don’t have a (here my memory fails, but I carry on!) I’ll take a blank one! I haven’t got a bank account! Right! I’ll buy it for you! Here you are, there’s your book, here’s some money for a taxi on the way home… Wait! wait! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! I can’t read! You…can’t…read. RIGHT! Sit down! SIT! SIT! Sit down! Are you sitting comfortably? “Ethyl the aardvark was hopping along…” ---
**Author:** ![Evno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c68b51/32.png) [@Evno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evno)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/93 "2001-08-17T04:26:53Z")
INTERMISSION ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/94 "2001-08-17T04:28:56Z")
“Gay Boys in Bondage” by Mr. William Shakespeare ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/95 "2001-08-17T07:01:57Z")
It’s all in a day’s work for . . . Confuse-a-Cat. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/96 "2001-08-17T07:37:56Z")
…or Bicycle Repair Man… ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/97 "2001-08-17T07:49:38Z")
Alright, stop, stop. This is all getting very silly… ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/98 "2001-08-17T08:28:57Z")
Roight! RRROOIIIIGHT!!! What’s all this, then? ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/99 "2001-08-17T18:02:07Z")
Oh, you’re no fun any more. ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2001, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740/100 "2001-08-18T16:52:01Z")
Dear Sirs: I should like to file a complaint about the thread which I have seen on your message board this very day. What began as a perfectly respectable argument sketch has quickly gotten out of hand. I take particular umbrage to the lack of any mentions of bozuki music in cheese shops. Respectfully yours, Col. Sir Aruthur Fingerbiter, OBE, Ninny. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ripped-from-the-monty-python-sketch-book/75740.md?page=6)