# Rise of the Machines: IBM to Build Braaaaaains! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 22, 2008, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-machines-ibm-to-build-braaaaaains/473945 "2008-11-22T02:38:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-machines-ibm-to-build-braaaaaains/473945/1 "2008-11-22T02:38:07Z")
[So, this is it. We’re all going to die.](http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7740484.stm) > [@](#): > > IBM has announced it will lead a US government-funded collaboration to make electronic circuits that mimic brains. > > Part of a field called “cognitive computing”, the research will bring together neurobiologists, computer and materials scientists and psychologists. > > As a first step in its research the project has been granted $4.9m (£3.27m) from US defence agency Darpa. > > The resulting technology could be used for large-scale data analysis, decision making or even image recognition. It all sounds so reasonable, until you read this part: > [@](#): > > The longer-term goal is to create a system with the level of complexity of a cat’s brain. That’s right, those conniving balls of fur, who curl up contentedly in your lap, quietly dreaming up new ways to kill you while they sleep are going to be the model for the system they’re trying to produce. Don’t these damned fools know what they’re doing? And that the moment they connect the “brain” to the internet (which you know they will at some point, all in the name of “progress”) they will unleash a horror upon this Earth, the likes of which we have never seen before? Its madness, I tell you! Absolute madness! I know some of you will say, “I, for one, welcome our new cybernetic feline overlords!” but just you remember this: Your new masters are sadistic and like nothing better than torturing their prey before killing them. You might think that by bowing down to them, you will somehow escape their wrath. You might think this, but you will be _wrong!_ They are, quite simply, saving you for the greatest torture of all: Watching everyone you know and love be torn apart by their electronic paws. And then, after they’ve finished everyone else off, they will come for you. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-machines-ibm-to-build-braaaaaains/473945/2 "2008-11-22T03:09:38Z")
I don’t know about anyone else, but from now on I plan to keep a bunch of big balls of yarn handy at all times. That should distract 'em long enough to make my escape. ---
**Author:** ![AllWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@AllWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AllWalker)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-machines-ibm-to-build-braaaaaains/473945/3 "2008-11-22T04:23:06Z")
I think a lot of Dopers _would_ welcome a cyber-cat god. They would all be like squeee! I would try to distract it with my mouse. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-machines-ibm-to-build-braaaaaains/473945/4 "2008-11-22T04:45:58Z")
“Catgirl androids” was my first thought upon reading this. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-machines-ibm-to-build-braaaaaains/473945/5 "2008-11-22T08:46:39Z")
I’m gonna buy a _big_ laser pointer: a weapon of mass distraction. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-machines-ibm-to-build-braaaaaains/473945/6 "2008-11-22T09:55:15Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > “Catgirl androids” was my first thought upon reading this. Yeah if nothing else, they have to name version 1, Nuku Nuku. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-machines-ibm-to-build-braaaaaains/473945/7 "2008-11-22T13:41:19Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > I’m gonna buy a _big_ laser pointer: a weapon of mass distraction. Win ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-machines-ibm-to-build-braaaaaains/473945/8 "2008-11-22T18:51:31Z")
That ought to make the Turing Test simpler. “Hello there, I’m a human and I’m here to ask you a few questions.” “Meow.” “I’m totally convinced. Thank you for your time.” ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-machines-ibm-to-build-braaaaaains/473945/9 "2008-11-22T21:10:20Z")
I totally agree that a cats intelligence is really overrated. My former cat never understood the laser pointer at all. She was a sweet pet but maybe she was short changed on the brains department. Even though she looked smart she just wasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2008, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-machines-ibm-to-build-braaaaaains/473945/10 "2008-11-23T02:11:30Z")
The real question is; If we build cybernetic brains, can we get the Zombies to eat them instead?