# "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" trailer - HOLY CRAP! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 14, 2011, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383 "2011-04-14T17:02:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2011, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/41 "2011-04-16T00:00:07Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > … So they did, blowing up the world at the end. But it didn’t end the series. Turns out the apes had space travel, even with humans threatening their food supply, and they figured out how to go back in time. … To be fair, they didn’t have space travel. They flew the ship that the humans had left behind. And the time travel was an accident. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2011, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/42 "2011-04-16T02:47:53Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > I really shouldn’t do this… > > Ah, I dunno Son, how many? It was a typical Family Guy spot. Peter was suspended in the net surrounded by rifle wielding apes, so naturally he tells a joke sure to offend them: “How many damn dirty apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three- one damn dirty ape to screw in the lightbulb, and two damn dirty apes to throw feces at each other”. He does his stupid laugh as you hear rounds being chambered. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2011, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/43 "2011-04-16T10:54:59Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > I stand corrected. A word of advice: Orangutans, in particular, _really_ don’t like to be called monkeys. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2011, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/44 "2011-04-16T11:08:40Z")
> [@Darth\_Nader](#): > > A word of advice: Orangutans, in particular, _really_ don’t like to be called monkeys. They should have put that on the Library door. How was I supposed to know? ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2011, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/45 "2011-04-16T12:20:28Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Somebody contact the Coalition to Liberate Itinerant Treedwellers. I am the master of the C.L.I.T.! Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you’ll see this fucking face. I make that shit work. It does whatever the fuck I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me, not this little fuck, none of you little fucks out there. I AM THE C.L.I.T. COMMANDER! Remember that: commander of all C.L.I.T.s! ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2011, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/46 "2011-04-16T12:21:44Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > There’s a bit at the beginning, where a sciencey guy is giving some sort of presentation on their new drug. He says something like, “We call it… The Cure.” There’s also a lot of talk about it reversing neural damage, or something like that. > > So, extrapolating here, but my guess is that there’s some sort of plague going on that’s killing people… I believe what the researchers are trying to cure is Alzheimer’s Disease. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2011, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/47 "2011-04-16T13:24:41Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > But Planet of the Apes also became a Marvel magazine-comic that ran for too many issues. And then it became a TV series. Then, mercifully, it died. You missed one. There was an animated series after the live action series. (And George Alec Effinger wrote four books based on the TV series.) ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2011, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/48 "2011-04-16T13:29:51Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > (And George Alec Effinger wrote four books based on the TV series.) I would watch a show about sentient apes neurally linked to their panzer-like vehicles. And doing drugs. ---
**Author:** ![NiceGuyJack](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/niceguyjack/32/3069_2.png) [@NiceGuyJack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NiceGuyJack)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2011, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/49 "2011-04-16T19:45:43Z")
Ape-lovers… ---
**Author:** ![Declan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2011, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/50 "2011-04-16T20:09:23Z")
> [@bienville](#): > > I am the master of the C.L.I.T.! Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you’ll see this fucking face. I make that shit work. It does whatever the fuck I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me, not this little fuck, none of you little fucks out there. I AM THE C.L.I.T. COMMANDER! Remember that: commander of all C.L.I.T.s! Looks like Jay and Silent Bob are on the viewing schedule for tommorow again. Declan ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/51 "2011-04-16T23:09:33Z")
Shannen Doherty: Fucking Miramax! Cut! Wes Craven: Shannen, I usually say cut. Shannen Doherty: A monkey? Wes? Jesus, you’re not even trying anymore are you? Wes Craven: The Market research says that people love monkeys. [Jay and Silent Bob run in and grab the monkey] Jay: WE LOVE THIS MONKEY! [to a crew member] Jay: Do something. Wes Craven: See? ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/52 "2011-04-17T00:20:33Z")
I hate every ape I see, from Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z, no you’ll never make a monkey out of me! ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/53 "2011-04-17T00:30:06Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > I hate every ape I see, from Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z, no you’ll never make a monkey out of me! Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Oh ohhh, Dr. Zaius! This trailer has me chomping at the bit. I can’t believe I have to wait until August 5th. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/54 "2011-04-17T00:30:52Z")
Mildly interesting. Monkey movies never did much for me. King Kong, Dr. Zaius, Mojo Jojo, Mighty Joe whatever. I can wait for this to come to Netflix. ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/55 "2011-04-17T00:43:32Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Okay – I have to ask. _Why all the fascination with Planet of the Apes_? > The original movie was moderately clever. Ground-breaking music, interesting visuals, a LOT of expensive makeup. Plus a touch of nudity, which was new and interesting in 1968. Heavy-handed satire, which was fun. But the story didn’t make a lick of sense, even back then. If you only had the one ape city and bands of humans were threatening their food supply, then those apes were practically at subsistence level, and they wouldn’t have had lots of ape scientists and primate research and a _museum_, fer cryin’ out loud. I’d love to read Rod Serling’s original screenplay sometime – he apparently had an Ape world that was a mirror of our own, which would’ve made more sense (there had to be a factory cranking out those rifles, somewhere). and the apes speak English, but it takes Heston/Taylor the whole movie to figure out he’s on Earth (which makes no sense, either)? > > The only way to enjoy it is to take it as satire (As Pierre Boule’s novel was intended to be) and not probe too deeply, lest the facade crack open. Certainly you don’t want to balance an entire franchise on so unsteady a base. Agreed. Aside from the first POTA, I think the whole franchise (reboots included) has been a colossal missed opportunity. Granted, special effects technology and budgetary problems limited what they could do but often the movies lost track of what the story’s main purpose was. As for the latest reboot, it might turn out to be a reasonably entertaining sci-fi/action flick (bascially, **Deep Blue Sea** with apes rather than sharks) but I don’t they’re aiming for any type of Swiftian satire here. For one thing, they’re already getting too bogged down in exposition. That being said, I hope they don’t have the apes speaking English in this one. I think the creepiness factor would be upped considerably if the apes had their own language/means of communication that the humans could only guess at. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/56 "2011-04-17T00:47:21Z")
> [@NDP](#): > > That being said, I hope they don’t have the apes speaking English in this one. I think the creepiness factor would be upped considerably if the apes had their own language/means of communication that the humans could only guess at. You mean, like Brooklyn? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BunnyTVS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BunnyTVS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyTVS)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/57 "2011-04-17T01:24:00Z")
> [@Capitaine\_Zombie](#): > > I would watch a show about sentient apes neurally linked to their panzer-like vehicles. And doing drugs. Check out the RPG called “Feng Shui”. One of the factions in it are called “The Jammers”. They are led by Battlechimp Potemkin, who is a cybernetiacally advanced chimpanzee with a helicopter backpack and a mini-gun replacing one of his arms. Two of his high command are Furious George (believe me the puns get worse) and Orangutank. Who is, well, an orangutang neurally linked to a panzer like vehicle. He doesn’t do drugs, but dont get between him and a coconut filled candy bar. Oh and \*do not \*park in a handicapped space. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/58 "2011-04-17T16:16:31Z")
> [@Capitaine\_Zombie](#): > > I would watch a show about sentient apes neurally linked to their panzer-like vehicles. And doing drugs. Doh, I misremembered and confused Walter Jon Williams (author of Hardwired, a cyberpunk book about smugglers/adventurers neurally linked to panzer like vehicles) and George Alec Effinger (writer of When Gravity Fails, one of my favorite SF novels. And one screaming for a movie adapation). What a dummy. And, **BunnyTVS** , I knew about Feng Shui, but I havent RPGed in something like a decade, didnt know FS had militant monkeys in it. ---
**Author:** ![sqweels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f19dbf/32.png) [@sqweels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sqweels)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/59 "2011-04-18T04:46:00Z")
What ever you do, don’t say “NO” to them. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2011, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-holy-crap/578383/60 "2011-04-19T20:00:24Z")
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