# Road Rage - How to relax? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 13, 2013, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232 "2013-02-13T23:30:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/21 "2013-02-14T13:33:07Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > If you’ve never experienced it, then you have absolutely nothing relevant to offer here. You haven’t made a decision not to get mad. You just never got mad in the first place. > > I will agree with the suggestion to try audio books. I used to have a really shitty commute in Seattle, much of which was spent sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic and barely moving, and as someone else has said, it was wasting all that time doing _nothing_ that really ate away at me. Listening to audiobooks made me feel like I was doing something constructive. > > Definitely avoid NPR. It will only make you more angry. Politics-themed talk radio in general is to be avoided, IMO. On the contrary, I used to drive around with my older brother who has terribe road rage, and a father who drives like me. One showed me how not to act while the other showed me how to act. You can only control your own behavior. Behaving like an adult gentleman will improve the experience. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/22 "2013-02-14T13:43:41Z")
My sister has terrible road rage, well, she rages about everything in her life, but even a short drive with her would make a sailor blush with her yelling and cussing. When I had a long commute, I would start to become her, then remind myself that where I am going will still be there whether I arrive in 60 minutes or 75 minutes, slow down and breathe. That helped me a lot. I still try to drive with that mindset; however, it doesn’t always work. When I feel myself starting to white knuckle, I relax my hands, again take a few deep breaths, and scream. Helps tremendously. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/23 "2013-02-14T14:01:20Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > The best option I’ve found is to think of the other vehicles only as cars. Not drivers, or cars with drivers, just a collection of random cars doing random things on the road with me. That way I’m playing a huge real-world video game (and my monitor’s the size of a car windshield). And there aren’t any people to get mad at. I sometimes imagine my driving instructor in the car with me, and how I would be driving if I was doing my road test again. > [@](#): > > Sometimes I play mental games while I commute to help the drive go smoothly. One of my favorites is that I’ve just robbed a bank and am escaping in a getaway car (that no one’s aware of). My goal is to blend\* with the traffic and complete my trip in such a way that no one on the road remembers me. > > \*I think if the other commuters don’t remember you, then you’re either a ninja or a pretty good driver. > I know these are goofy, but it helps me stay calm around the other, obviously inferior drivers. 😉 One of my rules of good driving is that your driving should never make another driver do _anything_. If you’re making anyone else brake, swerve, or lay on the horn, you’ve made an error in judgement. All the posts about perspective are great, too - nobody dies if it takes five minutes longer to get somewhere for all of us. You’re not going to get fired if traffic makes you five minutes late. I have to remind myself of this, too, when I get cut off by a half-ton truck for the fifth time in a half hour drive (Corollas have rights too!). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/24 "2013-02-14T14:02:57Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > On the contrary, I used to drive around with my older brother who has terribe road rage, and a father who drives like me. One showed me how not to act while the other showed me how to act. You can only control your own behavior. Behaving like an adult gentleman will improve the experience. That’s nice. This isn’t about behavior. I am sure that **Olives** is obeying the rules of the road and being a safe driver. Her question is about how to eliminate the stress caused by being in traffic, not about how to be a “gentlemanly” driver. If you have never felt that stress and therefore have no coping strategies for it other than “don’t feel that way in the first place” your advice is not helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/25 "2013-02-14T14:27:34Z")
Olives, leave early, go slow (55), use the slow lane, use cruise contro where appropriate & let 'em go. AM traffic radio will make you tense; music works. If you have a port to plug in an Ipod, you will be very happy. Also, if you feel the urge to sing along, go for it. Can’t hurt. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/26 "2013-02-14T14:39:28Z")
Try a simple experiment: next time you’re making this commute, start a timer as you leave, and stay relaxed, listen to some music, or an audiobook, and try not to look at the clock. You get there when you get there. Then the next day, get as angry and frustrated as possible, and then compare the times. Did being angry and frustrated get you there any faster? ---
**Author:** ![GreenElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@GreenElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenElf)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/27 "2013-02-14T14:53:32Z")
You might try eating a few squares of dark chocolate before heading out on your commute. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/28 "2013-02-14T14:54:44Z")
Cut back on the caffeine. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/29 "2013-02-14T14:56:47Z")
FWIW, according to my therapist friend, studies show that classical music is the most calming, even if you don’t like it. The 2-second rule is a great, easy way to check your distance. I definitely agree that leaving plenty of space and allowing other cars to merge in or change lanes freely will decrease traffic jams. There are several really moronic interchanges on my commute; two or three cars leaving large gaps for the people trying to switch lanes can clear a jam. However, if that link is that nonsense of “drive slower than the flow of traffic to leave a huge gap”, I call bullshit. I’ve seen people do that here - all it does is create another traffic jam behind them. You say you worry about what other drivers think of you. If you’re moving with the flow of traffic, staying out of the fast lane, leaving plenty of room for other cars to maneuver, and driving predictably, that’s all you can do. The vast majority of other drivers won’t even notice you, some will appreciate your manners and courtesy, and a few will get irate. It’s not you, it’s them. I recommend laughing at them. It sounds like you’re doing the right things in your driving, so that’s taken care of. Are there any other specific things about driving that worry you? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/30 "2013-02-14T15:07:14Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > That’s nice. This isn’t about behavior. I am sure that **Olives** is obeying the rules of the road and being a safe driver. Her question is about how to eliminate the stress caused by being in traffic, not about how to be a “gentlemanly” driver. If you have never felt that stress and therefore have no coping strategies for it other than “don’t feel that way in the first place” your advice is not helpful. Wow. If I can’t relate to your suggestion, it is not valid. Nice approach. It seems to me that several people have suggested, in one way or another, making a conscious decision not to be angry as an effective approach to road rage: > [@](#): > > Try a simple experiment: next time you’re making this commute, start a timer as you leave, and stay relaxed, listen to some music, or an audiobook, and try not to look at the clock. You get there when you get there. > > Then the next day, get as angry and frustrated as possible, and then compare the times. Did being angry and frustrated get you there any faster? > [@](#): > > My sister has terrible road rage, well, she rages about everything in her life, but even a short drive with her would make a sailor blush with her yelling and cussing. When I had a long commute, I would start to become her, then remind myself that where I am going will still be there whether I arrive in 60 minutes or 75 minutes, slow down and breathe. That helped me a lot. > [@](#): > > I used to get really excited in the car - flipping people off and such. I made a concentrated decision/effort to stop… > [@](#): > > Remember that every other driver on the road wants the same thing you do – to get to a destination as soon as possible. Some of them may be stupid or careless (or on a cell phone), so you do want to be alert for danger, but getting angry is pointless. All of these are variations on “decide not to be angry in the car”. Not sure why one poster gets called out for something many are saying. Especially in the forum set aside for opinions. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/31 "2013-02-14T15:11:41Z")
You really have to decide, as other people are saying, not to get angry in the car. Just leave lots of room. Put on an audiobook. Practice the art of Zen, every day, every moment. I used to get very angry too when driving. Now I’m just like, whatever? If they are in such a rush, let them go. I’ve still got my life to live and this is only a part of it. I just let them cruise on by. And I always maintain the stopping distance. Somebody wants to jump ahead of me? Sure. That doesn’t mean I can’t drive, in, say, NYC. But even that rarely upsets me. I can be assertive without being aggressive. But it does require training and self-discipline. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/32 "2013-02-14T15:21:12Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Wow. If I can’t relate to your suggestion, it is not valid. Nice approach. Saying, “just don’t get angry” is not advice. All of the other posts you quoted (and **Anaamika’s** , which she made as I was typing this) included coping suggestions - take deep breaths, listen to audiobooks in the car, concentrate on staying calm, remind yourself there is no tiger, etc. That’s helpful advice. “I’ve never had this problem because I simply decided not to have it” is not. Presumably **Olives** would like to not have this problem, and so the problem is not simply a lack of will. Generally speaking, responses to advice posts that start with “I’ve never had this problem” are not going to be terribly helpful. (With the exception of, “I’ve never had this problem but my sister did, and here’s how she coped” or “Here are some things I’ve read about that can help with this problem” or whatever. “Just don’t have the problem,” however: not helpful.) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/33 "2013-02-14T15:45:41Z")
There is a quantative difference, as Mrs. Whatsit says, and I was half afraid my post was going to come off that way. Because the truth is, I really just did decide one day I was going to not get mad anymore. BUT: that’s only Step One. Step Two is finding alternative sources. If you really find yourself getting mad a lot, you have to do something to cut that fuse as/before it lights. You have to look at the underlying causes of your getting upset. I found another trick, too. I’m not altogether crazy about every piece of classical music, so I could never listen to it in the car, but I found something better. I set my morning alarm to classical music. It means I don’t wake up with some stupid pop song in my head which then gets stuck there. In the car I always put on my iPod and sing along to the songs at top volume. And I always give myself plenty of time to get where I am going. Nothing stresses me out more than being late. So once I have removed the real reasons to be angry, I find the other ones don’t matter as much. That doesn’t mean I never feel a flash of anger at someone who cuts me off, but it does mean I have learned to let it go almost as soon as it happens. Here’s the secret with speed. At 60 mph you are going a mile a minute. At 90 mph? You are going a mile and a half per minute. That’s not really that much substantive difference, and if you’re doing 65-70, you should be fine. But again, it is sort of a mental switch you have to flip, and if you are unable to flip it - and that’s not a criticism, just a fact for some people - you are still going to have trouble. Oh and the number one thing - don’t get mad at yourself for backsliding. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/34 "2013-02-14T16:11:42Z")
I’ve noticed that getting pissed off is getting less effective, as I think I am slipping into ADD. So as such, getting really angry actually calms me down and makes me think clearer. In addition, it makes me happy because I am relieved to be thinking clearer. However, when I’m pissed, that’s not what my body wants to do: it wants to rage and stew, so I don’t get as pissed because it would just calm me down. If that makes any sense. ---
**Author:** ![ethelbert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/958977/32.png) [@ethelbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ethelbert)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/35 "2013-02-14T16:30:25Z")
Practice forgiveness. You need to forgive the person who is going 10 mph slower than traffic. Say it out loud and then take it to heart. Then forgive yourself. If there is anything compelling about Christianity, it is the emphasis on forgiveness (“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”). This is not to say that other religions don’t emphasize it, just that Christianity is what I know (though I do not self identify as a Christian). Forgiveness is the beating heart of a good life (and good driving). ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Wiggler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/red_wiggler/32/13190_2.png) [@Red\_Wiggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Wiggler)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/36 "2013-02-14T16:49:24Z")
Olive listed as her main stress points (1) doing something wrong and pissing off other drivers and (2) accidents, yet the one example she gave was of a driver slowing her down. I don’t have any advice because I simply can’t identify with her problems. I gave up competitive driving a long time ago and now just focus on getting there safely and easily. Time is not an issue, it’s just a stress point. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/37 "2013-02-14T16:51:31Z")
> [@Red\_Wiggler](#): > > I don’t have any advice because I simply can’t identify with her problems. Then why post? To make her feel bad? ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Wiggler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/red_wiggler/32/13190_2.png) [@Red\_Wiggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Wiggler)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/38 "2013-02-14T17:08:21Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Then why post? To make her feel bad? How bout this, then. Don’t worry about what the other drivers are thinking. To err is human. ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/39 "2013-02-14T17:09:54Z")
Commuter in DC for almost 25 years… I definitely understand the angst. What I found most is that road rage occurs when you are running late. Leaving early really helps. And, if you can, make a deal with your boss to allow a flex arrival time explaining that traffic is simply unpredictable. Also if you can, install XM/Sirius - the comedy stations are hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232/40 "2013-02-14T18:58:35Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Saying, “just don’t get angry” is not advice. Actually, it is. Just because it doesn’t work for you does not make it less valid. For example, when I get angry I run a high risk of losing control and doing or saying something I will later regret. Many years ago I decided that the risk was not worth it. I decided not to get angry any more. It’s not 100% effective. On occasion, I do still lose my temper. But it was a decision and has made my life better. In this case in particular, the OP didn’t ask for advice anyway. They asked for ideas. In either case, I don’t see how **Honey Badgers** posts rated a call out. Or **Red Wiggler** ’s for that matter. When this board goes to the policy of “all posts must be directly related to the OP and be found useful by all who read them” the post counts will drop dramatically. Look at the post to thread ratio difference between GQ and this forum for proof. You can take this to the pit if you want, but I won’t be there. I decided not to get angry. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/road-rage-how-to-relax/650232.md?page=3)