# Roadside memorials for dead kids: cut it the fuck out! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 30, 2015, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716 "2015-12-30T08:42:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Spavined\_Gelding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/41 "2015-12-30T19:36:40Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > Here in South Dakota, we have [THINK signs](http://www.sddot.com/services/memorials/Default.aspx) and most makeshift memorials will be removed. That’s it. That’s what I remember. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/42 "2015-12-30T19:58:27Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > A family member was kiiled about 18 months ago when someone pulled out in front of him. He was riding his motorcycle home from work at about 11am on a clear sunny day. Not seeing a motorcyclist is far too common, and is another pit worthy topic. > > Anyway, a few days after the accident a white cross and a plastic sign with his name and 1960-2013 appeared at the accident location. I knew the family did not put it there, and I also knew the victim well enough to know he would not want it there. So, I stopped (safely down a side street) and removed it. A few days later, an exact duplicate is back! > > So, I went back, removed this one, but left a note inside a ziplock bag, taped to the nearby (as in two feet away) guard rail. I politely asked whoever was erecting the cross to not do so, per the family of the victim. > > Imagine my amazement when another one appeared a few weeks later, and the note was removed.:smack: I repeated the removal, and this time nothing reappeared. > > Whenever I drive by the spot, I remember. I don’t need a frigging roadside distraction to remind me. > > I really don’t get the logic behind them. Lets put up something that distracts drivers, to remind them to be careful. Seems a little self-defeating. > > But let’s be honest here. There really aren’t about telling others to be careful. They are basically the equivalents of a FaceBook post saying “look at the sadness that I feel, feel empathy for me, but at the minimum notice me” The why people put them up and the how the incurable cynical view them is irrelevant for me. When I see them it reminds me that poor driving can lead to death or serious injury. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/43 "2015-12-30T20:04:05Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > The why people put them up and the how the incurable cynical view them is irrelevant for me. When I see them it reminds me that poor driving can lead to death or serious injury. If you need a series of roadside reminders that you should be a good driver, then do us all a favor, and turn in your drivers license. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![CannyDan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cannydan/32/548_2.png) [@CannyDan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CannyDan)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/44 "2015-12-30T20:30:44Z")
I see some really over the top spontaneous roadside memorials, especially but not exclusively after teenagers are killed in traffic accidents. In an effort to reduce litter, prevent additional accidents, and placate sensibilities, Florida will place a [memorial marker](http://www.dot.state.fl.us/statemaintenanceoffice/memorial%20markers.shtm) upon request. These are 15" round white signs imprinted DRIVE SAFELY IN MEMORY and followed by the name of the deceased. These remain for a year and are placed, maintained, and removed by the highway department. Seems a reasonable compromise. I recall when I was young, on a driving trip across the country I saw little crosses that some (Western? I don’t recall) states put up at the site of fatalities. Some locations had veritable forests of crosses, which was chilling to 12 year old me. My father was a really aggressive driver, and his typical technique was already frightening. To have this visible evidence of significant mortality associated with driving scared the shit out of me! Parenthetically, I recall no Stars of David among the crosses. I don’t remember what I thought at the time: [ul] [li]Us Jews are safe from traffic accidents.[/li][li]Us Jews don’t count.[/li][li]There are no Jews here.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/45 "2015-12-30T20:38:10Z")
Hijacking with a personal anecdote. About three years after my accident, one of these memorials was placed less than five feet from the point I was hit. That disturbed me more than all the times I had passed the spot. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/46 "2015-12-30T21:52:22Z")
There’s a roadside sign on a motorway out of Wellington for a kid who died when he was 17, and I was around the same age. I’m now 40, he’s still 17, and it gets me everytime I drive past it, and see his name and his age - how I’ve moved past it, and he never will. I think that’s really effective, makes me stop and think. I also like the [ghost bicycle tributes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_bike) - used to bring driver awareness to cyclists, and also remember those who died. I don’t know about the OP - perhaps it’s because a friend died suddenly this week, but I think I would have taken it as a reminder that life is short and I need to be glad of my blessings - even if I am stuck in traffic. Would have been sobering for me, not annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/47 "2015-12-30T22:12:31Z")
There’s one on the road below us with a white bicycle (so we know what happened there). It’s a narrow, twisty road in a canyon and quite dark. I was driving up it last week in the rain and saw this blinking thing ahead. It was distracting and disorienting and I had to slow down quite a bit because I couldn’t figure out what side of the road it was on when going the speed limit of 30mph. Someone had put blinking Christmas lights on the bicycle. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/48 "2015-12-30T22:13:42Z")
> [@bienville](#): > > NOTE: I realized this is not true of all Roadside memorials but… > > There were two roadside memorials from recent years that stayed up for a long time in my town. At least one of them, I think both but I’m not certain, all of the people in the car died- driver and passengers. Both crashes definitely had multiple fatalities whether or not all the people died in both crashes. > > Both of these were single car accidents on surface streets (one, a residential street), driver crashed into a pole in both cases. Both cars were filled with young twenty-somethings. Both crashes happened very late at night, early a.m. hours. What the fuck kind of _single car_ accident results in the deaths of _everybody in the car_? Hitting a pole and fucking _everybody dies_? How fast do you have to be going on a residential street to make that happen? > > Both of these were party cars, filled with drunk people, driving ridiculously over the speed limit endangering anyone who might have unfortunately come into contact with them. It’s a damn good thing they only killed themselves. The “Life is so precious, they were taken from us too soon” bullshit that adorned these memorials was completely tone deaf. > > And some would say, “Oh, but the passengers, you can’t blame them, maybe they tried to tell the driver pull over that he shouldn’t be driving!” Look, he didn’t get that wasted while he was driving. Anyone who can kill every single one of his passengers without so much as one other vehicle with which to collide, that guy was _obviously_ wasted when they all got into the car together and all the idiot drunk passengers thought it was all fun and games. > > I would also hear things like, “Yeah, it was stupid but it’s still sad, they had really young kids and now those kids have no parents!” All the more reason not to mourn these assholes. They had _kids_ and they were still joyriding drunk at 3:00am!? Only makes them out to be even more worthless and despicable in my book. This is what grandparents are for (with parents like these, these kids were probably mostly being raised by their grandparents anyway). > > But, no. We have to have wreaths and flowers and cards to observe this sad tragic loss of these wonderful people. > > Give me a break. So, what, you’re advocating the death penalty for drunk drivers? I can’t say I’ve heard that one before. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/49 "2015-12-30T22:38:43Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I pass a roadside shrine near what seems like the safest intersection in the world. The speed limit is 35 mph, roads are straight, lighting is excellent. How the hell did the person die _there_ of all places? Without knowing for sure, I’d say either drunk driving, inexperienced driver/wet or snowy conditions, or texting while driving. We had a local case I got called to (I’m an EMT) with an intersection like the one you’re describing. A young girl (under 20, IIRC) was texting, and ran a stop sign. Garbage truck vs Kia Sportage. The garbage truck hit her _passenger side door_, and she was halfway ejected through the driver’s side window. The firefighters were picking parts of the passenger side door panel out of the upholstery of the driver’s seat, ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/50 "2015-12-31T00:11:55Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > If you need a series of roadside reminders that you should be a good driver, then do us all a favor, and turn in your drivers license. > > :smack: It’s not a need. But it doesn’t hurt to have a reminder, and not just for me who is an excellent driver, that driving is serious. Watch drivers some day and look how distracted and bad many of them are. If a visual reminder helps some what’s the problem? It’s a bit like complaining about Surgeon General’s warning on cigarettes. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/51 "2015-12-31T00:35:04Z")
> [@CannyDan](#): > > I see some really over the top spontaneous roadside memorials, especially but not exclusively after teenagers are killed in traffic accidents. In an effort to reduce litter, prevent additional accidents, and placate sensibilities, Florida will place a [memorial marker](http://www.dot.state.fl.us/statemaintenanceoffice/memorial%20markers.shtm) upon request. These are 15" round white signs imprinted DRIVE SAFELY IN MEMORY and followed by the name of the deceased. These remain for a year and are placed, maintained, and removed by the highway department. Seems a reasonable compromise. > > I recall when I was young, on a driving trip across the country I saw little crosses that some (Western? I don’t recall) states put up at the site of fatalities. Some locations had veritable forests of crosses, which was chilling to 12 year old me. My father was a really aggressive driver, and his typical technique was already frightening. To have this visible evidence of significant mortality associated with driving scared the shit out of me! > > Parenthetically, I recall no Stars of David among the crosses. I don’t remember what I thought at the time: > [ul] > [li]Us Jews are safe from traffic accidents.[/li][li]Us Jews don’t count.[/li][li]There are no Jews here.[/li][/ul] It’s only a matter of time before someone insists on putting up a Muslim crescent at one of these sites. THAT will be interesting. :dubious: There’s a pink-and-lavender cross at an intersection near my house that says “JADA” on it. When I moved here, I didn’t think anything about it until I saw “1999-2001”. It’s still maintained as if her death happened yesterday. While I feel terrible about the accidental death of a toddler, really, if you need to keep a memorial maintained this well, do it at the gravesite. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/52 "2015-12-31T00:42:20Z")
> [@apollonia](#): > > Frequently, roadside memorials for young people are set up by other young people, who may not be comfortable or familiar with cemeteries, or who see those sites as family-only. Usually a cemetery site is set up and administered solely by the family, and it’s easy to see why teenagers or young people who have never experienced death before would be uncomfortable with what they see as encroaching on a familial space. Hence roadside memorials pop up as a way for them to memorialize their friends in a way that isn’t stepping on the toes of the grieving parents, family, etc. It gives them some control and some way to grieve that isn’t under the sterile auspice of the cemetery. > > Some cities are now offering metal bands around lampposts, etc., with the deceased person’s name and dates on it, in an effort to keep roadside memorials from becoming years-old eyesores. Plus, they know where the accident happened, whereas they may not know where their friend is buried, or the gravesite is a long distance away. As for people being drunk on Christmas Day, you might be surprised. It’s also possible that a driver had a stroke or heart attack. ☹ I recently saw a cross by the local interstate memorializing a crash that got a lot of publicity because a car occupied by two teenage girls, one of whom died, was struck head-on by a truck that was going the wrong way down the road - and was driven by the extremely intoxicated father of one of their classmates. (This was a big school and the kids didn’t know each other.) All the kids were a few weeks away from graduation, and some of the victims’ friends, who were all the cheerleader type, were openly bullying the daughter of the drunk driver, who himself died in the crash and left her fatherless. :mad: When the school got wind of this, they declared that anyone who got caught doing this would not be allowed to participate in the commencement ceremony, and there were indeed a few kids who were banned from their own graduation. I should add that the publicity fizzled out when the tox screen came back, and both of those girls were illegally drunk themselves, and at least one of them had been using other drugs too. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![CannyDan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cannydan/32/548_2.png) [@CannyDan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CannyDan)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/53 "2015-12-31T01:01:49Z")
**nearwildheaven** , I thought of the crescent and that’s why I mentioned the lack of stars. I haven’t seen those clusters of little memorial crosses since my childhood. Do any states still use them? If so, I’ll bet they’ve long since had to include additional symbols. And by now some intersections must have no room for anything else on the road shoulders 🙂 Florida, not otherwise known as a progressive place, uses only the one style – white disk – without religious identity. And they’re not permanent, but are removed after a year. ---
**Author:** ![velomont](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/8491ac/32.png) [@velomont](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velomont)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/54 "2015-12-31T02:01:29Z")
Several years ago the Ottawa Citizen (one of the newspapers in Ottawa, Canada) had a Saturday or Sunday spread about these memorials and the stories behind some of them. One of the memorials was by a cloverleaf entrance or exit ramp. The article stated that the memorial was for someone whose car “rolled off the ramp”, as though the driver had absolutely nothing to do with the event - sorry, wrong answer. The article should have said “drove too fast on the ramp, causing his car to roll off”. It reminds me of the news stories about drivers who “lost control” of their cars. It should be mandatory for journalists to say “surrendered” or “threw away” control of their cars. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/55 "2015-12-31T02:27:52Z")
> [@velomont](#): > > It reminds me of the news stories about drivers who “lost control” of their cars. It should be mandatory for journalists to say “surrendered” or “threw away” control of their cars. “A man was killed today when his car left the highway ramp after he let Jesus take the wheel.” ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/56 "2015-12-31T02:48:35Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > A friend here suggested space debris struck him/her.😉 A toilet seat, perhaps? > [@Superdude](#): > > Without knowing for sure, I’d say either drunk driving, inexperienced driver/wet or snowy conditions, or texting while driving. . . . Near colleges you get the occasional young adult that pulled a bunch of all-nighters through finals or mid-terms, and then headed home the night of the last one. Driving tired is as bad as driving drunk. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/57 "2015-12-31T03:00:26Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > “A man was killed today when his car left the highway ramp after he let Jesus take the wheel.” “Jesus’ blood alcohol was found to well above the legal limit. Witnesses report he had just come from communion.” ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/58 "2015-12-31T03:04:21Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > No kidding. The OP seems obsessed with staring at these memorials and these “pretty young girls” instead of focusing on driving. Seriously OP you’re going to be killing people with your driving behavior and causing more of the memorials and “pretty young girls”\* to pop up. > \*Seriously keep your eyes on the road and stop glaring at these “pretty young girls” you dirty old pervert. The OP has never struck me as a dirty old pervert. I assumed she noticed other drivers staring at the pretty young things, but as far as I’m aware, she doesn’t swing that way herself. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/59 "2015-12-31T03:07:58Z")
Losing a child has to be one of the worst experiences a human being can suffer. The bitching about road side memorials is either trolling or next level assholery. Either way, if karma exists you motherfuckers have a bill to pay. ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716/60 "2015-12-31T03:32:19Z")
> [@Trepa\_Mayfield](#): > > So, what, you’re advocating the death penalty for drunk drivers? I can’t say I’ve heard that one before. Hmmm, then it seems you still haven’t heard that one. Certainly not in the text you quoted. In the cases described, this was beyond simple drunk driving- i.e. driving yourself home thinking you’re o.k. to drive when, in fact, you’ve consumed enough alcohol to impair your judgment, perception, and ability to react to unexpected events or circumstances. This is a terrible lapse in judgment but nevertheless an offense that the legal system will hold you accountable for should you get pulled over or cause harm to innocent life. But the cases described went way beyond simple drunk driving. This was drunken _partying in a moving vehicle_. And even at that, I have in no way advocated the death penalty. All I’ve said is that their deaths are neither sad nor tragic and that the world is not measurably worse for the loss. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roadside-memorials-for-dead-kids-cut-it-the-fuck-out/741716.md?page=4)