# Roland Deschain, I have some choice words for you. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 15, 2005, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853 "2005-01-15T10:15:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Roland\_Deschain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@Roland\_Deschain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Deschain)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/121 "2005-01-21T07:39:11Z")
Okay, I mention a smelling sexual appendage after sex with my wife and that warrants a warning, but you can joke about hacking up a body? Have I slipped through the looking glass into a caprious universe where right and wrong are defined by whether or not the moderators like your opinions? Also, if you really think that I am mentally ill where is the logic in debating me? Furthermore, if you believed that I needed “help” as you say wouldn’t insulting me be considered cruel? > [@FinnAgain](#): > > You never stopped. > > **Zim** , we don’t include stuff like that in our discussion normally. It’s called ‘over the top’. > > No **Zim** not when you respond, _how_ you respond. > > Spot on. > > I know, I have massive cognitive dissonance. The last time I had cognitive dissonance I was hacking a body to pieces, do you have any idea how hard it is to cut through the sinew in a human body? Whoa, lemme tell ya. So, anyway, cognitive… ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/122 "2005-01-21T09:22:03Z")
> [@Roland Deschain](#): > > In nursing school I get it drummed into my head constantly about how I have to respect all cultures, perspectives, and outlooks (by very liberal instructors and texts). Some people do say that, yes, but I don’t agree that all beliefs are deserving of the same respect. For instance, this belief you have that social mores are irrelevant, that you can act however the hell you want without criticism - it’s stupid. We have social mores so that we can deal more easily with other people. If you deliberately ignore them, you’re gonna gum up the works. And if you’ve been doing this your whole life, it’s gonna be next to impossible to learn now. You’re supposed to learn this shit when you’re still a kid, not when you _have_ kids. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Deschain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@Roland\_Deschain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Deschain)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/123 "2005-01-21T13:25:00Z")
> [@sturmhauke](#): > > Some people do say that, yes, but I don’t agree that all beliefs are deserving of the same respect. For instance, this belief you have that social mores are irrelevant, that you can act however the hell you want without criticism - it’s stupid. We have social mores so that we can deal more easily with other people. If you deliberately ignore them, you’re gonna gum up the works. And if you’ve been doing this your whole life, it’s gonna be next to impossible to learn now. You’re supposed to learn this shit when you’re still a kid, not when you _have_ kids. I respect some social mores and choose to ignore others (those which I think are grounded in elitism, or are otherwise not logical to me). For example, I wouldn’t spit in pubic (under most circumstances) however I also probably wouldn’t say “hi” when I passed you in the hall way unless I had known you for many years (in no small part because I avoid eye contact much of the time and have a hard time remembering faces.) Most of my “Northside” friends have no problem laying out ten grand for a couple of vacations per year, and another 20 to 30K for room additions, but won’t spend a dime on a new computer (I have one who couldn’t play an online game due to still owning a PII at 700mzh), and insist on keeping their houses at 65 during the winter, and 85 during the Summer (as opposed to the more comfortable 75 during the Winter and 68 or so during the Summer). When you ask them about this they won’t acknowledge that it’s even an “elite” social more thing (although probably 80% of the people who I know who live on Indy’s North side practice the same routine). ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/124 "2005-01-21T14:37:56Z")
> [@Roland Deschain](#): > > … and insist on keeping their houses at 65 during the winter, and 85 during the Summer (as opposed to the more comfortable 75 during the Winter and 68 or so during the Summer). When you ask them about this they won’t acknowledge that it’s even an “elite” social more thing (although probably 80% of the people who I know who live on Indy’s North side practice the same routine). Saving money on one’s electric bill is an “elite” social more thing? Who knew? I’m elite! Whohoo! ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/125 "2005-01-21T15:03:52Z")
They’re not elite, dumbass–they’re cheapskates. Well, actually, we cheapskates prefer to be called “frugal,” but that’s neither here nor there. They’re saving a tremendous amount of money on that 10 degrees in the winter and 17 degrees in the summer. Really, crank the thermostat down a bit and put on a fucking sweater. You’ll save enough every month to feed your poor dogs some decent food. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/126 "2005-01-21T15:06:40Z")
You know what I said in that other thread (now closed) about doubting a medical problem and that Roland was just “a jerk”? Scratch that. Reverse it. This whole thing has been a fascinating window into Asperger’s Syndrome, I’m now sure of it. The lack of social ability or the desire for social connection, the eye-avoidance, the tangential thinking, the admitedly brilliant mind incapable of truly communicating and connecting with others, yet he keeps on talking, as if repeating the same series of actions will yield new results. [Spock] Fascinating, Jim [/Spock] ---
**Author:** ![Maendosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@Maendosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maendosa)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/127 "2005-01-21T15:55:05Z")
Roland, let me chime in here for a minute. I had a rather atypical childhood, I think, and at 25 had a literally life-changing experience and went almost 180 degrees in life from where I’d been months earlier. I had to learn another set of social mores and adjust myself to a different level of social interaction. I’ve met some interesting people on my small way through life, probably some not much unlike yourself. Now, keeping in mind that one of my philosophies in life is ‘normal is boring’, I think you’ll find that the key to keeping your individualistic personality and outlook is to **learn how and when to blend, and when it’s appropriate to be ‘yourself’**. People in this thread have said it time and time again - there’s a time and a place for everything, and you’ve **got** to learn how to distinguish that context. It’s not because everyone should be ‘sheep’, talking the same talk and walking the same walk, it’s because these social mores, for the most part, are there for a reason. By refusing to understand, utilize, and yes, discard them when appropriate you are sending off signals that you **do not know how to behave in society**. A thousand years of human development have taught man that those who don’t know how to play along are dangerous. They’re creepy. They do things which generally have harmful consequences to other humans around them. When you understand how and when to control the expression of those ‘thought exercises’ of yours, you also have the key to properly discerning when it’s **ok** to bring them out! By showing that you understand time and place and context, when you do let go with one of your oddities, it won’t creep people out - because they’ve seen through interaction with you that you know the rules, even if you choose to break them sometimes. I don’t know if you’ve ever kept a journal. You seem to be a guy who has a lot of thoughts going on in your head that need somewhere to go. I would suggest getting a nice notebook and pen, and let loose there. Write it all down. Hell, do it on the computer, if you hate working with a pen. But the key here is - don’t do it in a forum where you just drop it all on an audience. Work these thoughts out for awhile on paper, and then, if you’ve got one nagging you for interaction, post about it. But remember context, and remember that sharing too much personal information is going to signal to people that you don’t know the rules. And thus creep people out. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/128 "2005-01-21T16:18:49Z")
> [@Roland Deschain](#): > > Have I slipped through the looking glass into a caprious universe Well, yes, the subject of activities involving goats _does_ often come up in the Pit. (Although the usual form of the adjective is _caprine_) ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/129 "2005-01-21T16:55:30Z")
> [@Roland Deschain](#): > > In essence, I see many of my posts as “thought experiments”. So, is that French for trolling, then? ---
**Author:** ![Jillyvn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Jillyvn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jillyvn)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/130 "2005-01-21T17:45:02Z")
I really have been enjoying this trainwreck of a thread, but I feel now is my time to chime in. I have the solution. > **[Blogger.com - Create a unique and beautiful blog. It’s easy and free.](https://www.blogger.com/about/?bpli=1)** > > Publish your passions your way. Whether you’d like to share your knowledge, experiences or the latest news, create a unique and beautiful blog for free. Go nuts! Literally. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/131 "2005-01-21T18:17:24Z")
> [@Roland Deschain](#): > > On the other hand I have a responsibility to find something that will allow me to support my family adequately. However, understanding that this is not an optimal situation ( **and causes me more stress than I can put in words** ) does little to fix the underlying issue. I find that “counseling” is often used as a “catch all” by people who really have no idea what to say so they fall back on the tried and tested “counseling”. Bolding mine. It’s not a “catch-all”, **Roland**. Sometimes, you just need someone to talk to… someone unbiased, someone who will listen and help you sort out things–like the stress you’re undergoing. Honest, it helps. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Deschain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@Roland\_Deschain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Deschain)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/132 "2005-01-21T19:39:58Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > So, is that French for trolling, then? I always thought that trolling implied insincerity. I only ask questions that I legitimately care about. If anything I’ve always thought of myself as even “more sincere” since I ask without regard to what people will think of me for so asking. Furthermore, I always try to put my true opinions on issues. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Deschain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@Roland\_Deschain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Deschain)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/133 "2005-01-21T23:58:04Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > So, is that French for trolling, then? Keep in mind Alice, I don’t intend to “blog”. As I have explained I offer the information which I do in an attempt to convey context, and to deflect accusations of insincerity. I’m going to offer less context and see if the accusations come back in future questions. On the other hand I’ve never read a blog so maybe I might find one interesting. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/134 "2005-01-21T23:58:07Z")
> [@Roland Deschain](#): > > I always thought that trolling implied insincerity. I only ask questions that I legitimately care about. If anything I’ve always thought of myself as even “more sincere” since I ask without regard to what people will think of me for so asking. Furthermore, I always try to put my true opinions on issues. Just try a little empathy sometimes. I know, it doesn’t make much logical sense, but for some reason the earthlings just eat that shit up with a spoon. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/135 "2005-01-22T20:57:25Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > … > > This whole thing has been a fascinating window into Asperger’s Syndrome, I’m now sure of it. The lack of social ability or the desire for social connection, the eye-avoidance, the tangential thinking, the admitedly brilliant mind incapable of truly communicating and connecting with others, yet he keeps on talking, as if repeating the same series of actions will yield new results. > > [Spock] Fascinating, Jim [/Spock] WhyNot, Dang. I have Asperger’s, and I’d been sitting around watching all of Roland’s threads with interest for years, but it’s never even crossed my mind that he might be an aspy. Roland, if you’re reading this, please check out the Asperger’s Syndrome checklist at the below link and report back with your thoughts. This might be an explanation for your entire life story, all in one inconvenient little syndrome. [http://autism.about.com/cs/adultswithasd/a/adults\_w\_asperg.htm](http://autism.about.com/cs/adultswithasd/a/adults_w_asperg.htm) I’m asking you sincerely, and without any ill will. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/136 "2005-01-22T22:17:47Z")
> [@Jonathan Woodall](#): > > Dang. I have Asperger’s, and I’d been sitting around watching all of Roland’s threads with interest for years, but it’s never even crossed my mind that he might be an aspy. Thanks for the back up. In the interest of fairness, I think someone did mention the possibility in the swinging thread, but I dismissed it out of hand. I was not yet familiar enough with Roland’s posts (only having gotten involved in the swinging one and the weight-loss one) to recognize the pattern. Now I feel kind of bad for some of the things I said. I feel like I was scolding someone for putting himself in danger by walking too slowly to get out of the way of an oncoming train, only to look down and discover a poorly fitted prosthetic leg. :smack: However, Asperger’s or not, \*\*Roland \*\*is an adult, and is obviously bright. If he continues to make the choice of not going to counseling and not seeking behavioral therapy and is still upset because he’s not understanding his impact on others, I’m afraid my patience will wear thin rather quickly once again. We all have our growing edges. Once we’re old enough to understand our label, be it Asperger’s, depression, childhood abuse or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, we’re old enough to take responsibility for our own conditions and at least attempt to learn what we need to in order to get along in society. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/137 "2005-01-22T22:31:27Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > We all have our growing edges. Once we’re old enough to understand our label, be it Asperger’s, depression, childhood abuse or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, we’re old enough to take responsibility for our own conditions and at least attempt to learn what we need to in order to get along in society. True. When my sainted ex-girlfriend told me I had Asperger’s, it changed my life. I was able to start working on things I’d never worked on before, because I’d never understood the nature of the deficiencies I was working under. Since I learned of the syndrome, I’ve gone from an apparent bizarre, moody sociopath to an apparent quiet man with unusually narrow and focused interests. Don’t get me started talking about cars or computers, and you might think I was normal. Shy, but normal. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Deschain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@Roland\_Deschain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Deschain)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/138 "2005-01-23T08:57:53Z")
Who knows if I have Aspergers, and why does it matter? I am reasonably comfortable with who I am, and I am generally aware of “why” I feel the way I do about various issues. For example: 1. I stopped going to family functions when I was about 19 (haven’t been since except for a few occassions) because I started losing my hair. My friends were merciless on the subject and I didn’t wish to disappoint my relatives with my dimished appearance. I then got “hair plugs”, but these didn’t work very well in part because I spent $5,000 on the first procedure and couldn’t afford the followup micrographs. 2. Since, I was losing my hair and I had now further fucked myself up with hair plugs I thought “why the fuck am I working out three hours per day anyway?” Eventually, this became screw working out entirely and I gained a hundred pounds over ten years. I went through a stint wearing a hairpiece from The Hairclub for men for eight years, but I was so self concious that I ALWAYS wore a hat in public (but still got the pleasure of paying them $200.00 per month for the hairpiece and maintenance). Nursing school ended that since hats are not allowed. To make matters worse I had to get my fat ass naked in front of 19 year old girls (to be bathed) as the only guy in the class. I then dealt with losing my father and mother to cancer, a marriage on the rocks, a business that went broke, and a house that ended in foreclosure, five dogs that I love but which my wife doesn’t want. The dammed thing is that I’m not depressed. I love life and think most people are basically good. If there is one thing that I do hate it is the so called “conventional wisdom” about issues ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/139 "2005-01-23T09:01:44Z")
You’re doing it again. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Deschain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@Roland\_Deschain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Deschain)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853/140 "2005-01-23T09:15:58Z")
By the way I don’t think I have Aspergers based upon my answers to the questions below from that website: I find social situations confusing. Answer: yes sometimes I do. I find it hard to make small talk. Answer: Well yes and no. Put me at a party and I will want to run to the bathroom and hide. However, when we had the mortgage business I would often spend many hours talking to potential clients (even when I knew we couldn’t do the deal ). I did not enjoy imaginative story-writing at school. Answer: No this was probably my strongest subject. As you know my grammer is poor, but I’ve always been complemented on the stories I’ve written. I am good at picking up details and facts. Answer : Some details perhaps for example I can remeber virtually every meal that I’ve eaten out over my entire life. However, I am also likely to botch getting what my wife wants from the store. Also, she makes fun of how often I miscount the dice in Monopoly. I find it hard to work out what other people are thinking and feeling. Answer: No I have an almost supernatural ability to discern what others are feeling. It’s just that it really bothers me when I believe it is negative about me. Therefore, my attitude is “screw em” either they will like me or they won’t. I can focus on certain things for very long periods. Well yes, I can play Empire Earth 20 hours at a time, but studying will often put me to sleep in an hour. People often say I was rude even when this was not intended. Answer: Okay you’ve got me here. Usually, it’s because I am nervous and fear rejection however, and it comes off as rude. I have unusually strong, narrow interests. Answer: No many things interest me from ghosts and quantum mechanics to nursing and one day hiking around the world (or at least America). I do certain things in an inflexible, repetitive way. Answer: Yes, I do hate change. Also when I was a child of around seven to nine I could sit in the corner for hours and play with a straw or string. I would “twick” the straw or string back and forth and in my mind I was reliving Star Wars or BattleStar Galatica. This is what caused my parents to take me to the doctor concerning Autism even though I was scoring four to six grade levels ahead on the Iowa and California achievement tests. I have always had difficulty making friends. Answer: Yes and no. When I was a teenager, and young adult I had many friends before I “dropped out” of society. Now that is definitely a true statement. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roland-deschain-i-have-some-choice-words-for-you/284853.md?page=8)