# Romancing techniques that have the opposite effect **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 31, 2012, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304 "2012-08-31T20:28:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/1 "2012-08-31T20:28:14Z")
When I was a teenager I was desperate for sex. Speaking as an old git, in those days things weren’t so liberal and I would do anything , and I mean ANYTHING, to get my hand into a girls bra. Now not so much. Things that are an instant turn off for me now are… Playing hard to get after teasing like crazy. If a girl says no, I take it as no. And the mood is gone even if they say that they were only joking . Sorry at my age I’m not about to play teenage games. The making you jealous thing. I’m out tomorrow night with "Jack ", I think he really fancies me . Well off you go then, don’t call me … Also thongs, which sooner or later end up a girls ringpiece, are a turn off. The smell of shit does nothing for me unfortunately. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/2 "2012-08-31T20:52:47Z")
Men, please don’t tell me you have competed in mixed marshal arts, or about the guy you beat up at the bar last weekend. Unless you were saving a puppy from a bully or a sweet little old lady from a mugger, violence is not a turn on. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/3 "2012-08-31T20:57:40Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Men, please don’t tell me you have competed in mixed marshal arts _Martial_ arts. A marshal is a federal law officer in the United States, or, elsewhere, a high-ranking army officer. > [@](#): > > , or about the guy you beat up at the bar last weekend. Unless you were saving a puppy from a bully or a sweet little old lady from a mugger, violence is not a turn on. While you’re right in general, surely there are _other_ justifications. What if the guy was saving a kitten from a bully or a little boy from a mugger? What _then_, hotshot? For me, though it’s not quite a romantic technique: stripper heels. They’re positively unsexy. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/4 "2012-08-31T21:03:29Z")
I never wanted to know about interests in martial arts, Asia in general, WWII, Russia, sci-fi conventions, Republican sympathies, or polo shirts. My husband was completely uninterested in dancing, Italian restaurants, desserts, and dogs. Fortunately we are both uninterested in all the things listed above. Actions that never worked on me: talking about how you’re a nice guy (RED ALERT!), heartfelt emails begging for a chance, offers to sleep naked without sex (wtf), “secret” admirer gifts, and asking about my relationship with my male relatives. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/5 "2012-08-31T21:06:35Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > _Martial_ arts. A marshal is a federal law officer in the United States, or, elsewhere, a high-ranking army officer. > > While you’re right in general, surely there are _other_ justifications. What if the guy was saving a kitten from a bully or a little boy from a mugger? What _then_, hotshot? Of course it’s martial, thank you. Heroic acts of any flavor good: knuckle dragging bullies need not apply. I’m kind of tall for girl, maybe guys feel the need to impress me with swagger? I seek to attract muscle-bound jerks, and that makes me sad. Why won’t the kitten savers holla? ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/6 "2012-08-31T21:17:59Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Actions that never worked on me: talking about how you’re a nice guy (RED ALERT!) My experience, too. They’re bitter, right? Angry at women. I’ve only ever dated or flirted with nice guys, and those who claim that women only like bad boys are projecting some bad mojo. Tell me you are a nice guy and I will run away. Show me you are a nice guy and I will follow you home. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/7 "2012-08-31T21:22:13Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Tell me you are a nice guy and I will run away. Show me you are a nice guy and I will follow you home. Hi! My name is **Sunspace** and I am–uh oh. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/8 "2012-08-31T21:26:11Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Hi! My name is **Sunspace** and I am–uh oh. > > 🙂 …saving a kitten? ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2012, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/9 "2012-09-01T09:15:21Z")
…from being killed by God? Asking for help with that probably won’t work, either. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2012, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/10 "2012-09-01T09:24:01Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > …from being killed by God? Asking for help with that probably won’t work, either. “Hey baby, every time someone masturbates, God kills a kitten. So tell me, do you want to help me save a kitten right now?” I’m sure someone more daring could also throw a joke about the word “pussy” in there, but I am not the kind of person who could make such a crack work. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2012, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/11 "2012-09-01T09:35:47Z")
Trying the tongue down the throat always killed it for me. If you’re aware that it’s happening it’s _too soon._ Swapping mucas-lining spit is just yuck unless you just can’t help yourself, which is a whole 'nother story. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2012, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/12 "2012-09-01T09:54:55Z")
If someone has feelings for you it is hard to do something to put them off, if they don’t have any feelings for you it is hard to do anything right. Simplistic? Not at all, it is 100% true. Unless you are a totally mannerless and uncultured idiot you’re better off focusing on the fish that are biting and forgetting about the rest. So many times I’ve seen guys agonize over every word they said on a date, did that Simpsons reference put her off me? I tell them to stop worrying, if there was no spark there is nothing you can do. ---
**Author:** ![Cold\_April](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cold\_April](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cold_April)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2012, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/13 "2012-09-01T14:42:54Z")
A man I dated showered me with gifts and took me for expensive dinners etc in the first couple of weeks. I enjoyed it, but was also slightly embarrassed and felt that something wasn’t right (he took me to a super posh place, then behaved as if he was eating ribs from a box in a pick-up). It then all dried up and I discovered that he was in a relatively low paying job, and he had in fact put himself in debt by trying to dazzle me with his wealth. It ended for other completely different reasons, but I was disappointed when I found out. NOT because he turned out to be less than Rockerfeller, but because his subterfuge reeked of desperation and/or manipulation and/or the mysoginistic notion that women have to be bought. It ended for a reason related to tongues, but that’s another story, for a different website. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2012, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/14 "2012-09-01T15:02:27Z")
> [@Cold\_April](#): > > It ended for a reason related to tongues, but that’s another story, for a different website. OK, we’ll follow you there… (But seriously, sorry you went through that) ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/15 "2012-09-01T15:22:45Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > My experience, too. They’re bitter, right? Angry at women. I’ve only ever dated or flirted with nice guys, and those who claim that women only like bad boys are projecting some bad mojo. Tell me you are a nice guy and I will run away. Show me you are a nice guy and I will follow you home. “How YOU doin’?” ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2012, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/16 "2012-09-01T16:05:06Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > Speaking as an old git, in those days things weren’t so liberal and I would do anything , and I mean ANYTHING, to get my hand into a girls bra. > > . I just like to think of that again. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2012, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/17 "2012-09-01T16:09:55Z")
No woman anywhere\* wants you to send her pictures or webcam of your naked penis before a first date in person. I promise. \*Possibly some women somewhere like this, but it’s not a safe assumption. Yet it seems at least half the guys on okcupid are all, “HEY WANNA SEE MY WANG BEBEH?” before we’ve even met. No, no I really fucking don’t. Your penis looks like a penis, just like every other penis out there. It’s just not that interesting! If a girl wants to see your naked penis, she will assuredly ASK. Once, a guy wrote my name in sharpie on his penis and sent me a picture of it. WUT THE FUG??? Exhibitionist motherfuckers. \>:[ ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2012, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/18 "2012-09-01T16:13:27Z")
Heh- have to agree. We have a friend who had a picture of her latest boyfriends penis on her cell (mobile) phone. Good God, last thing we needed to see. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2012, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/19 "2012-09-01T16:24:28Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > No woman anywhere\* wants you to send her pictures or webcam of your naked penis before a first date in person. I promise. > > \*Possibly some women somewhere like this, but it’s not a safe assumption. Yet it seems at least half the guys on okcupid are all, “HEY WANNA SEE MY WANG BEBEH?” before we’ve even met. No, no I really fucking don’t. Your penis looks like a penis, just like every other penis out there. It’s just not that interesting! If a girl wants to see your naked penis, she will assuredly ASK. Once, a guy wrote my name in sharpie on his penis and sent me a picture of it. > > WUT > THE > FUG??? > Exhibitionist motherfuckers. \>:[ Yea my wife has expressed similar sentiment, on the other hand nearly everyone of a certain age sends pics like that male or female. Well ok the women don’t send dick pics, and they might be a little choosier but not by much! I don’t even know where to begin to explain this to older people, uhhhhh you know what you just had to be a teenager with internet ok? ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2012, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304/20 "2012-09-01T16:24:46Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > No woman anywhere\* wants you to send her pictures or webcam of your naked penis before a first date in person. I promise. I’ve had women ask to see my penis before a first date. I was as surprised as you. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romancing-techniques-that-have-the-opposite-effect/633304.md?page=2)