# Romantic trip planned, my GF is expecting me to propose but I'm not ready to... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 7, 2010, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862 "2010-07-07T14:44:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/21 "2010-07-07T18:13:50Z")
You don’t owe her any explanations. You will be ready when you’re ready. Go on your romantic weekend and hopefully you’ll get laid. If she appears disappointed at the end of the trip, because no proposal was made…let her bring it up. As you said, you’re not ready to get engaged, and you shouldn’t let any guilt deter you from your path. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/22 "2010-07-07T18:15:52Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Go ahead and propose on the trip, but then when you get back just be sure to tell her “PSYCH!” and then point and laugh at her for being so gullible. That’s a little over the top. He should play her [this song](http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=41591133), then say “Wow, I’d hate to be involved with a woman like that. I’m glad you don’t suffer from those sorts of premature expectations.” then laugh as if in relief. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/23 "2010-07-07T18:41:50Z")
See this should be a lesson to you women out there. Your inability to pick a good mate is the reason why this world is so fucked up. Take your time, don’t rush into things. The rest of your life is a long freak’n time. Geesh. ---
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/24 "2010-07-07T18:56:12Z")
Heh OP. You never know what’s gonna happen. She might even surprisingly propose… a breakup 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cuberdon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/45deac/32.png) [@cuberdon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuberdon)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/25 "2010-07-07T19:10:42Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > You don’t owe her any explanations. You will be ready when you’re ready. Go on your romantic weekend and hopefully you’ll get laid. If she appears disappointed at the end of the trip, because no proposal was made…let her bring it up. It isn’t about what he “owes” her, it’s about communicating well with someone he loves and wants to be happy. > [@Wilbo523](#): > > As you said, you’re not ready to get engaged, and you shouldn’t let any guilt deter you from your path. Very true. Getting guilted into something you don’t feel ready for is a recipe for disaster. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/26 "2010-07-07T19:16:07Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > You don’t owe her any explanations. \ I would normally agree with this, but this is his serious girlfriend, not a casual co-worker, and if he wants to continue with his serious girlfriend who has different expectations than he does, he will probably want to cough up an explanation or two. > [@Shakes](#): > > See this should be a lesson to you women out there. Your inability to pick a good mate is the reason why this world is so fucked up. Take your time, don’t rush into things. The rest of your life is a long freak’n time. > > Geesh. We’ve fucked up the whole world by wanting to get married too soon? I didn’t realize we had that much power! Awesome! OP, good for you for not going ahead when you’re not sure. There’s an old saying - “Marry in haste, repent in leisure.” ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/27 "2010-07-07T20:47:14Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > See this should be a lesson to you women out there. Your inability to pick a good mate is the reason why this world is so fucked up. Take your time, don’t rush into things. The rest of your life is a long freak’n time. > > Geesh. I’m going to send your post to my boyfriend and tell him I’m going to slow down. I have a feeling he’s not going to be all that pleased, but hey. I can’t ignore advice I get from the internet! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/28 "2010-07-07T22:28:26Z")
I couldn’t choose: [Breakup Hints Misinterpreted as Marriage-Proposal Hints](http://www.theonion.com/articles/breakup-hints-misinterpreted-as-marriageproposal-h,137/) [Man Likes Woman So Much He Marries Her](http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-likes-woman-so-much-he-marries-her,2349/) ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/29 "2010-07-07T22:55:11Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I’m going to send your post to my boyfriend and tell him I’m going to slow down. > > I have a feeling he’s not going to be all that pleased, but hey. I can’t ignore advice I get from the internet! See, that’s the thing. If the man wants to rush in to things or not is irrelevant. Ultimately, the choice is up to YOU women weather or not to bring children in to this world. So the onus is up for you to decide if said man is going to stick around for the long haul. All to often do women fall in to this Hollywood romance, oxytocin induced fairy tale that the man is going to be there for ever and ever no matter what. All I am saying is step outside the box, take some time and make a wise decision. I know I’m extrapolating a lot from the OP. But there you have it. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/30 "2010-07-07T22:58:59Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > See, that’s the thing. > > If the man wants to rush in to things or not is irrelevant. Ultimately, the choice is up to YOU women weather or not to bring children in to this world. You seem to be implying that women are incapable of being pressured into marriage. Is that really what you’re getting at? I think that plenty of w– > [@](#): > > So the onus is up for you to decide if said man is going to stick around for the long haul. All to often do women fall in to this **Hollywood romance, oxytocin induced fairy tale** that the man is going to be there for ever and ever no matter what. Wait…what? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/31 "2010-07-07T23:29:57Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > You seem to be implying that women are incapable of being pressured into marriage. Is that really what you’re getting at? : Of course they can. That still doesn’t change the fact that the decision is still ultimately theirs. Does it suck? Sure. Is it fair? Hell no. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/32 "2010-07-08T00:17:18Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Of course they can. That still doesn’t change the fact that the decision is still ultimately theirs. Does it suck? Sure. Is it fair? Hell no. _What_ decision? If anything, with societal expectations being that it is the _man_ who does the proposing, women typically are the more passive ones here. Which means that ultimately the OP and his GF aren’t going to get married unless he initiates that process with a proposal. How is this decision more of a woman’s than a man’s? To the OP: I feel for you. If your girlfriend really thinks a proposal is around the corner, for you to say “I’m not ready” will more than likely be interpreted as “I’m not sure you’re right for me”. Which may or may not be true in your situation. But is it? Because the way I see it, if I were in love with a person and truly thought we were compatible, and had marriage (in general) as a goal for my not-too-distant future, I can’t really imagine not being ready to at least get engaged to them. If your GF is anything like me, she’ll probably question your feelings for her. I encourage you to be honest with her if your lack of readiness has more to do with your relationship than it has to do with timing. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/33 "2010-07-08T00:25:19Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Of course they can. That still doesn’t change the fact that the decision is still ultimately theirs. Isn’t the decision ultimately the **same** decision for both parties? ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/34 "2010-07-08T00:29:51Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Isn’t the decision ultimately the **same** decision for both parties? Except for the almost certain toll pregnancy takes on the female body…yes. 😃 Studies have shown that the woman’s general life satisfaction takes a digger round about the terrible twos. Wonder why that is? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/35 "2010-07-08T00:34:31Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > Except for the almost certain toll pregnancy takes on the female body…yes. 😃 I’m kind of confused how pregnancy even got into this discussion, but it’s fascinating how, once again, it’s the woman’s fault if things don’t work out. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/36 "2010-07-08T00:35:54Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Isn’t the decision ultimately the **same** decision for both parties? Personally, I see it like this: There’s an outer fence (the man) then there’s the inner fence (the woman) then there is the pot of gold. (the child) Women are the last line of defence which bares a lot of responsibility. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/37 "2010-07-08T00:38:08Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Personally, I see it like this: There’s an outer fence (the man) then there’s the inner fence (the woman) then there is the pot of gold. (the child) > > Women are the last line of defence which bares a lot of responsibility. Convenient. I’m not looking for a “pot of gold” or, well, a pot of gold, though. Am I still to blame for all of the problems in the world? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/38 "2010-07-08T00:57:53Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Convenient. > > I’m not looking for a “pot of gold” or, well, a pot of gold, though. Am I still to blame for all of the problems in the world? Look, to sumerize previous posts: Yes, I’ve extrapolated a lot from the OP. My main animous is about women bringing children in this world. It isn’t fair to women but it is a beast of burden. That being said: If you’re just some woman who has no desire for any of those things and just wants a relationship or even to just get laid; then hey! More power to ya’! BTW: I’m free tonight. Just please, take proper precaution. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/39 "2010-07-08T01:04:57Z")
If her concrete expectation is that she wants to be married in the near term, and you have explicitly understood this while dating, and loving, and sexing her you really should be able to do a gut check and make a decision after a year together one way or the other. Noting wrong with saying “Thanks, but I don’t want to right now”, but if you do the possibly is out there that she might dump you if she sees no near term resolution in sight. Women have a more limited target widow than men re maximum attractiveness, and many women faced with reluctant suitors make the choice to move on if they have options. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862/40 "2010-07-08T01:26:05Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I’m kind of confused how pregnancy even got into this discussion, but it’s fascinating how, once again, it’s the woman’s fault if things don’t work out. (my last post on the tangent, if I can’t convince you, I’m not going to be able to convince you.) It’s not the woman’s _fault_, she’s just got the most to _lose_. If a Guy gets laid, what are the biological ramifications? Nada. He can get on his camel and go nomadic. If a Gal gets laid, what are the ramifcations? Pregnancy, biological destruction (reversible, but you’ve gotta want it), Boob destruction, the avoidance of cigarettes, alcohol, cat litter, then there’s childbirth, nursing, et al. The Gal get’s preggo, she can’t hop on the camel and out-run it. Sure, it’s the mutual decision of both, in a healthy relationship, but it’s the gal with the crosshairs on her chest. It’s the whole involved vs. committed in the breakfast scenario. The Chicken is involved, the Pig is committed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/romantic-trip-planned-my-gf-is-expecting-me-to-propose-but-im-not-ready-to/545862.md?page=3)