# Room mate calling my friend - creepy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/room-mate-calling-my-friend-creepy/177787 "2003-05-27T15:43:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Engywook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bc8723/32.png) [@Engywook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engywook)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/room-mate-calling-my-friend-creepy/177787/1 "2003-05-27T15:43:44Z")
A friend of mine has been visiting me at my apartment occasionally for the last few months. She (an admittedly attractive female) and my new room mate (a guy, as I am) seemed to be getting along okay, which is all good. He even took her resume to his office, because there might be job openings there for her. Which is even better, especially if there is a job for her. But this weekend, my room mate called her twice. - he got her number from her resume. - he never mentioned to me that he was going to call her. - he invited her to go bowling with him and another couple. When she said no, he stayed home instead. - he’s never said anything about it to me since then, either. My friend called me to tell me she’s feeling a bit creeped out. While I get along with my room mate pretty well, and think he’s a good guy, I have to admit that I find it rather weird that he’d not talk to me about it either before or after. Is my friend right to feel weird about this? And under what circumstances should I say something to him about it? I’ve thought of playing with his head a bit, mentioning bowling just out of nowhere… ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/room-mate-calling-my-friend-creepy/177787/2 "2003-05-27T15:49:05Z")
It’s certainly a _faux-pas_ to snag the lady’s digits from a resume, but perhaps he felt justified because he had met her casually before. Does your roommate tell you about other women he is interested in dating? Perhaps he was feeling uncomfortable because he didn’t know how you feel towards her. ---
**Author:** ![Optihut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/edb3f5/32.png) [@Optihut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Optihut)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/room-mate-calling-my-friend-creepy/177787/3 "2003-05-27T15:50:58Z")
If she thinks it’s creepy then it’s creepy, end of story. I have an e-mail address of a girl (I saw it on a paper by accident), but when I asked her for her address she didn’t provide it, so she obviously doesn’t want me to mail her. Even though I know her e-mail address already, I can’t use it, for that reason. Bummer. Your roommate should have asked you and should have been a bit less obtrusive, then she probably wouldn’t be creeped out. If anything, you should talk to him about it, just so that he doesn’t make the same mistake twice. You can’t just use the phonenumbers / e-mail addresses of people, if they didn’t voluntarily give them to you. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/room-mate-calling-my-friend-creepy/177787/4 "2003-05-27T16:08:40Z")
The guy screwed up big time, but I don’t think he’s dangerous or anything. Just socially clumsy, I guess. I’d talk to him. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/room-mate-calling-my-friend-creepy/177787/5 "2003-05-27T16:41:44Z")
I don’t think your roommate did anything too far out of line. She obviously felt comfortable enough to give him her resume, so why get creeped out just because he used the phone number for personal reasons? And why does he need to ask you for permission? ---
**Author:** ![kenibbling\_pin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3be4f8/32.png) [@kenibbling\_pin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenibbling_pin)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/room-mate-calling-my-friend-creepy/177787/6 "2003-05-27T16:59:56Z")
Kind of a common trick by your roomate. He did her a favor by bringing the resume to his office. She could have brought the resume herself but he did her a favor(not that she was asking). Now he’s got an in, she kinda owes him, so he goes for the friends out bowling “date”. I think it’s overreacting to say he was creepy. If that was too creepy a way to ask out a girl on a date then most of the men in the world are creepy because at one time or another all men have done something similar. ---
**Author:** ![Engywook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bc8723/32.png) [@Engywook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engywook)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/room-mate-calling-my-friend-creepy/177787/7 "2003-05-27T19:37:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Homebrew \* > \*\*I don’t think your roommate did anything too far out of line. She obviously felt comfortable enough to give him her resume, so why get creeped out just because he used the phone number for personal reasons? And why does he need to ask you for permission? \*\* _My_ permission is not the issue - hers is. When she gave him the resume, it was for a professional purpose. She clearly felt that it was not tacit permission to call her. From my POV, it’s not all _that_ creepy. But I do wonder why my room mate apparently doesn’t want me to know about this. ---
**Author:** ![kenibbling\_pin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3be4f8/32.png) [@kenibbling\_pin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenibbling_pin)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/room-mate-calling-my-friend-creepy/177787/8 "2003-05-27T20:09:48Z")
\>\>From my POV, it’s not all that creepy. But I do wonder why my room mate apparently doesn’t want me to know about this\<\< Maybe he’s afraid you’d post it on the internet 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/room-mate-calling-my-friend-creepy/177787/9 "2003-05-27T20:17:25Z")
Maybe he didn’t bring it up before because it didn’t occur to him that he _should_. He wouldn’t bring it up later because he got shot down. What would be his motivation to bring it up now? ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/room-mate-calling-my-friend-creepy/177787/10 "2003-05-27T20:17:39Z")
I think it’s borderline – but not outrageously inappropriate. > [@](#): > > A friend of mine has been visiting me at my apartment occasionally for the last few months. I’m not clear – do you have a romantic relationship with this woman? If not, then I don’t see anything wrong with your roommate asking her out. I agree it’s questionable to get a number from a resume given for business purposes and then use said number for social purposes… but it’s a minor transgression, unless he’s the hiring manager or would be in her chain of command. If your relationship with her IS romantic, and he knows it… then I think he can still ask her out, but he owes it to you to be up-front about his intentions. ---
**Author:** ![Orange\_Skinner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3be4f8/32.png) [@Orange\_Skinner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orange_Skinner)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/room-mate-calling-my-friend-creepy/177787/11 "2003-05-27T23:55:00Z")
If I were she, I’d find it a little odd, to say the least. If he were to call again, I’d say things definitely were given a violent jarring into creepy. In regards to **Homebrew’s** “why ask permission” question, it’s a good idea, firstly, because she’s the OP’s friend. He’d be able to give the roomate advice…is this a good idea, how do you think she’ll react, what sort of things is she interested in, etc. So far, **Engywook** , I’m assuming your relationship to this girl is not romantic; if that’s the case, and your roomate is aware of the status, I still feel he should have run his plans by you for inviting her along on this bowling thing. I guess I’d shrug it off as a difference of opinion, considering. However, if your relationship with her is, or has the potential, even, to be romantic, and your roommate wasn’t upfront with you, then that’s beyond creepy, that’s something you just don’t do. Regardless, I’d definitely talk to the guy about it, if not for anything than the fact that your female friend seems to be concerned and it’d be nice to be able to assure her that your roomie isn’t a psycho. (The fact that her refusal of his offer made him stay in that night is what I find the most creepiest bit of the story. That’s firing as a tad off with me).