# Roommates new computer is here, but he isn't home yet. Suggestions? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 28, 2003, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018 "2003-02-28T00:16:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Berkut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e57/32.png) [@Berkut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berkut)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/1 "2003-02-28T00:16:58Z")
So my roommate ordered a shiny new Dell desktop. It just arrived UPS, and he won’t be home from work for several more hours. I work as a computer geek, and the temptation to pull a prank is irresistable. So far, I have come up with the following ideas: 1. Put a ton of porn links in his favorites. 2. Swap out the hard drive for one I have sitting here that has an old busted Windows 95 installation on it. 3. Tubgirl wallpaper. For those that don’t know what this is, consider yourself lucky. 4. About 500 AOL shortcut icons on his desktop, in his start menu, etc. 5. A note in the box from the Dell Dude asking where he might score some pot. Any ideas? ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/2 "2003-02-28T00:44:02Z")
Maybe 5 but the rest of them you can skip because when you turn that baby on you have to logon with your name & stuff (I have a 4550). ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/3 "2003-02-28T00:44:17Z")
Sneek a remote access program onto it, and use your computer to control it and make it do funny things when he is using it. Or do PrintScreen of the desktop, set that as the wallpaper, and hide the start bar and icons. Watch as he clicks around in frustration, or tries the standard windows fix - restarting the machine - over and over. ---
**Author:** ![Caesar\_s\_Ghost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/73ab20/32.png) [@Caesar\_s\_Ghost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caesar_s_Ghost)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/4 "2003-02-28T01:44:53Z")
Darn it! DreadCthulhu stole the wallpaper idea, which I’ve always wanted to do. How’s about renaming his icons to weird stuff–not necessarily nasty but maybe rename everything “Moe,” “James,” “Molly,” “Emily,” “Robert”–just normal names. Or misspell the icons’ names slightly so that he may never notice and if he does he will think he’s crazy. Like “My Comuter” or “My Document” or something. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/5 "2003-02-28T02:01:22Z")
One I used to love doing was to take a screenshot of his desktop with My Computer, IE etc icons on and then set it as the desktop. Then remove the icons (right click on desktop -\> properties -\> desktop -\> customize -\> remove all the icons). It looks normal but no amount of doubleclicknig can get him into his computer. ---
**Author:** ![Rabid\_Squirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/6 "2003-02-28T02:17:28Z")
1. Change the keyboard to DOVARK 2. Change all the sounds to sirens. Put a _really_ loud wave file in the startup folder and crank the volume up 3. Nick his external power cables or disconnect the internal ones 4. Pasword potect IE’s security settings to maximum with parental lock. Make his IE homepage a popup hell 5. Go into the control panel under systems settings and turn ALL the hardware acceleration off. Route the sounds through the internal speakers while you’re there. In fact, why don’t you just turn off anything remotely useful in the BIOS (after writing the settings down, of course. 6. If he’s got a fancy sound card, go through the card’s settings and crank the reveb and echo to max. And my personal favourite: 1. Take his empty monitor box and place a few cooking pots in it and tape it back up. Shout, “Your new computer here ya bastard!” then drop kick it towards him. Ahh, so much anarchy, so little time… ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/7 "2003-02-28T02:19:36Z")
My suggestion is that you don’t touch it at all. After all, it’s not your property. Yeah, I know. Not much fun. ---
**Author:** ![consolid8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f1d935/32.png) [@consolid8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/consolid8)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/8 "2003-02-28T02:38:50Z")
Monty’s right of course…but it would be fun to pull off the keys and put them back on in alphabetical order…or change all the fonts to barcode… No, Monty is right. I’d want to use my new toy right away, not start out frustrated and mad. And I’d blame you forever whenever anything else went wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Gerome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Gerome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gerome)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/9 "2003-02-28T02:43:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rabid\_Squirrel \* > \*\* > And my personal favourite: > > 1. Take his empty monitor box and place a few cooking pots in it and tape it back up. Shout, “Your new computer here ya bastard!” then drop kick it towards him. > \*\* That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all week. Thing is, my dad is getting a tv delivered sometime soon…hehehehe… ---
**Author:** ![Berkut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e57/32.png) [@Berkut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berkut)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/10 "2003-02-28T03:05:14Z")
Thanks for the suggestions. He came home early, so he must have suspected something. Bastard. 🙂 I guess I will just have to be satisfied with my usual practice of IM’ing him disguised tubgirl links. _snicker_ ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/11 "2003-02-28T05:59:40Z")
Well, consolid8, that being said, I do kind of like the keyboard layout switch. ---
**Author:** ![skaterboarder87](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@skaterboarder87](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skaterboarder87)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/12 "2003-02-28T06:47:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Joey G \* > \*\*Thanks for the suggestions. He came home early, so he must have suspected something. Bastard. 🙂 > > I guess I will just have to be satisfied with my usual practice of IM’ing him disguised tubgirl links. > > _snicker_ \*\* Tubgirl? What’s that? ---
**Author:** ![skaterboarder87](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@skaterboarder87](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skaterboarder87)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/13 "2003-02-28T06:50:04Z")
OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! IT’S FECAL JAPAN!!! DAMN GOOGLE SEARCH, DAMN IT TO HELL! ---
**Author:** ![fauxpas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e480ec/32.png) [@fauxpas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fauxpas)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/14 "2003-02-28T07:09:50Z")
Tubgirl? I’m guessing a naked corpse of a once beautiful lady who is now dead resting in a tub? ---
**Author:** ![Berkut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e57/32.png) [@Berkut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berkut)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/15 "2003-02-28T07:40:39Z")
You wish it were just a corpse. 🙂 Tubgirl is easy to find. Just don’t link to it or anything. That would be bad. Very bad. ---
**Author:** ![Jonno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f19dbf/32.png) [@Jonno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonno)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/16 "2003-02-28T08:59:41Z")
_ **Public Service Announcement** _: Do NOT go looking for Tubgirl. You WILL regret it. Just look what happened to **skaterboarder87**. It’ll be weeks before he can see again. And the psychological scars, those you will carry with you always. ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/17 "2003-02-28T12:16:36Z")
Tubgirl. Truly the most disgusting photo in the known universe, bar none. I once made that my roommate’s wallpaper when he was away from his computer once. Yeah, it’s easy to remove, but it’s a shock when you turn on your monitor and that’s on your screen. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/18 "2003-02-28T15:43:43Z")
Cuse you guys. Now I want to see Tubgirl. Just to see if I can live through the expierence. Perhaps I’ll go mad and drive the ship past the barrier at the edge of the galaxy. I think I’ll wait till I get home though. ---
**Author:** ![Xploder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a183cd/32.png) [@Xploder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xploder)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/19 "2003-02-28T18:06:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zebra \* > \*\*Cuse you guys. > > Now I want to see Tubgirl. Just to see if I can live through the expierence. Perhaps I’ll go mad and drive the ship past the barrier at the edge of the galaxy. I think I’ll wait till I get home though. \*\* Believe me…that would be a **very** smart move…very disturbing pic indeed. ---
**Author:** ![ChuckForbin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@ChuckForbin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChuckForbin)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018/20 "2003-02-28T20:53:22Z")
I know how to reformat my hard drive. How do I reformat my **eyes**? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roommates-new-computer-is-here-but-he-isnt-home-yet-suggestions/158018.md?page=2)