# Roosters; feathered assholes!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [May 8, 2014, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982 "2014-05-08T16:15:52Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/1 "2014-05-08T16:15:52Z")
My sis has 14 chickens on her farm, all but one are hens, the sole rooster is a bantam silkie
He may be small, but he’s still a rooster, and therefore, an asshole
He’s human-agressive and attacks without provocation, or at least, he tries to, since Sis runs a summer horsemanship camp for young kids, an agressive rooster is not desirable, especially with young kids around
Mom and Sis’s recommendation as to how to deal with the psycho? They simply lightly kick it away when it “attacks”
Mom’s been contemplating bringing it up to our farm (sis lives down the road, on the same property) to get it away from the campers, but there’s nothing stopping it from walking back to Sis’s farm, as her place is within walking distance…
Anyway onto the story…
Yesterday evening, I went to pick up Cooper, my dog, as Sis dog-sits him while I’m at work, I decided to go look at her chickens first, as I just purchased my own set of five for tick control and eggs at home, I wanted to refresh my memory on the behavior of adult birds
Long story short, I encountered the rooster, and he attacked multiple times without provocation, I did nothing agressive, he was just being an asshole…
After the fourth spur attempt, I had enough, I unpocketed my Buck 110 folding pocketknife, with the shiny brass bolsters, locked the blade open, and merely pointed it at the rooster, letting fading sunlight glint off the blade and front bolster, and took an agressive stance and with a haughty, derisive tone to my voice, began to ridicule the delusional snack
His attitude immediately changed to very timid and fearful, I taunted him a bit more, then folded the blade and walked away… To get Cooper (evil grin)
When confronted by a 40 pound ball of muscle and fur who _really_ wanted to be freinds, the rooster finally and truly (must resist bad pun urge. ) chickened out (damn, couldn’t resist…)
I might visit him again tonight and see if his little two-volt brain remembers to "not fuck with MacTech and Cooper…
Stupid asshole bird, you know, you WOULD make a nice snack, and your feathers would make exceptionally nice fishing flies, and my niece is an avid fly tyer, she got the most beautiful evil grin on her face when I suggested this, she HATES the rooster…
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### Author:  [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/2 "2014-05-08T16:20:18Z")
You’re kidding with this, right?
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### Author:  [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/3 "2014-05-08T16:25:34Z")
I suggest inviting the rooster to your next barbeque.
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### Author:  [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/4 "2014-05-08T16:26:11Z")
Weak pitting of an animals natural behavior. I bet you looked like the asshole pointing a knife at a rooster.
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### Author:  [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/5 "2014-05-08T16:29:50Z")
No, the rooster IS truly an asshole
They’re not going to kill it, just re-home it to someone that wants the little asshole
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### Author:  [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/6 "2014-05-08T16:30:45Z")
I believe a rooster should be called a cloaca.
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### Author:  [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/7 "2014-05-08T16:33:44Z")
I endorse this pitting. Some animals are assholes.
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### Author:  [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/8 "2014-05-08T16:45:38Z")
> [@MacTech](#):
>
> After the fourth spur attempt, I had enough, I unpocketed my Buck 110 folding pocketknife, with the shiny brass bolsters, locked the blade open, and merely pointed it at the rooster, letting fading sunlight glint off the blade and front bolster, and took an agressive stance and with a haughty, derisive tone to my voice, began to ridicule the delusional snack
>
> His attitude immediately changed to very timid and fearful, I taunted him a bit more, then folded the blade and walked away.
Then you convinced him to pull some protection money out of his pockets and the farm lived happily ever after. And you rode off into the sunset on your white horse, knowing you saved the day once more.
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### Author:  [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/9 "2014-05-08T16:47:36Z")
Do roosters really have the cognitive ability to recognize a knife and what can be done with it? I would guess not.
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### Author:  [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/10 "2014-05-08T16:52:22Z")
> [@Revtim](#):
>
> Do roosters really have the cognitive ability to recognize a knife and what can be done with it? I would guess not.
My thoughts, exactly.
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### Author:  [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/11 "2014-05-08T16:53:03Z")
> [@DummyGladHands](#):
>
> You’re kidding with this, right?
You think he’s secretly a big fan of the cock?
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### Author:  [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/12 "2014-05-08T16:59:52Z")
> [@Revtim](#):
>
> Do roosters really have the cognitive ability to recognize a knife and what can be done with it? I would guess not.
No, it didn’t recognize it as a knife, I’m sure, but it is a shiny pointy metal object, and roosters have spurs on their legs that are designed for stabbing/cutting usage
It was probably my “don’t fuck with me” stance and agressive mannerisms that caused him to back off the first time, and fear of a “predator” (GET TO DA CHOPPAH!) the second time
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/13 "2014-05-08T17:03:29Z")
Roosters ARE little shits. They’re evolved to acquire harems of females and protect them from predators. The ones who were successful at it left more chicks. This is before we got anywhere near them, by the way.
If they think you’re going take their hens (for either carnal or gustatory purposes) they will challenge you. If they think you’re a competitor for whatever chicken food is around they’re going to challenge you. That, and making more chickens, is their primary purpose for existing.
You have three choices:
1. re-home the rooster
2. turn him into a capon, i.e. castrate him - of course, then he’s useless for making more chickens and certainly won’t be laying eggs, which leaves
3. dinner, as main course
If you’re not interested in breeding more chickens you don’t need a rooster.
We used to have one in my neighborhood who would get out and challenge the cars on the nearby road. He spurred the bumper of my car at least twice. I was always surprised at how long he was around, given his hobby of taking on vehicles. Haven’t seen him for awhile, though.
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### Author:  [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/14 "2014-05-08T17:18:33Z")
The OP’s story of how he got all Chuck Norris on a rooster was engaging, I must admit, but all through it I was distracted by the odd punctuation. Some sentences had no period at the the end, others had too many. None had the correct amount (one).
What’s up with that?
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### Author:  [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/15 "2014-05-08T17:25:13Z")
Posting from iPhone
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### Author:  [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/16 "2014-05-08T17:34:36Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#):
>
> The OP’s story of how he got all Chuck Norris on a rooster was engaging, I must admit, but all through it I was distracted by the odd punctuation. Some sentences had no period at the the end, others had too many. None had the correct amount (one).
>
> What’s up with that?
One hand is holding his rooster.
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### Author:  [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/17 "2014-05-08T17:39:04Z")
Knew three things at once from the title:
1. The OP is a person of intelligence and perception who, like all reasonable people who have any experience with chickens, hate the vicious morons.
2. Someone will make a “cock” joke.
3. It’ll be **Vinny**.
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### Author:  [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/18 "2014-05-08T17:57:00Z")
And as a point of clarification;
1; we’ve had hens when I was growing up.
2; I’ve been out of the chicken-raising thing for a good 20 years and forgotten much.
3; we’ve never had roosters, only hens, no interest in hatching out more chickens or dealing with fertilized eggs when we need to use an egg.
I have to admit though, I am contemplating adding a rooster to my flock at some point just so I can free range them and have a “self replenishing” tick removal crew, let them fend for themselves, and if I lose any to predation, they’ll make more to replace the missing birds, this wouldn’t happen until I get more experience with my existing flock.
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### Author:  [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/19 "2014-05-08T18:17:41Z")
> [@elucidator](#):
>
> Knew three things at once from the title:
>
> 1. The OP is a person of intelligence and perception who, like all reasonable people who have any experience with chickens, hate the vicious morons.
> 2. Someone will make a “cock” joke.
> 3. It’ll be **Vinny**.
They give some people _trophies_ for being first. ☹
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### Author:  [@slumtrimpet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slumtrimpet)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/20 "2014-05-08T23:49:37Z")
Our roo had a bad attitude for a while as well. The suggested manner of curing him of this was to grab him, tuck him under your arm and wander around with him until he calms down. Worked really well. As a last resort, grab him by the feet (wear gloves and a jacket) and hang him upside down 'till he stops screaming. Sometimes they choke and die though so that’s really a last resort.
Roos are born to be assholes so they’re really good at it.
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