# Roosters; feathered assholes! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 8, 2014, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982 "2014-05-08T16:15:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/21 "2014-05-09T00:33:06Z")
Yeah, we had that problem with our rooster before. He kept attacking our youngest brother, and our small cousins whenever they visited us. He’s a real a-hole that guy. He even tried to attack ME when I wasn’t looking. Don’t argue. How many humans are like that? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/22 "2014-05-09T01:08:12Z")
Coq au vin is an excellent solution to this kind of problem. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/23 "2014-05-09T01:35:04Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > And as a point of clarification; > I have to admit though, I am contemplating adding a rooster to my flock at some point just so I can free range them and have a “self replenishing” tick removal crew, let them fend for themselves, and if I lose any to predation, they’ll make more to replace the missing birds, this wouldn’t happen until I get more experience with my existing flock. Guinea fowl are better at dealing with ticks. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/24 "2014-05-09T01:45:47Z")
It was my chore to feed the chickens. So, early Sunday, my grandad would take me out to the chicken coop. He’d ask me if any of these chickens had been giving me a hard time. “That one! That one, right there!” My grandad would seize him by the head and give him the helicopter treatment. My soul cleansed, it was off to Sunday School. Sublime. ---
**Author:** ![CoastalMaineiac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@CoastalMaineiac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoastalMaineiac)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/25 "2014-05-09T02:28:21Z")
If you think roosters are bad, you should get some geese. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/26 "2014-05-09T03:02:57Z")
You think geese are bad, you should get some turkeys. We’ve only had one accidental rooster, Blossom. He was an awesome friendly, personable pet chicken, but he and half a dozen hens went to a friend’s house and were integrated into their population of about twenty. It was like a bad scene from a prison movie. The lowest rooster went after him, and he continued to work his way up the hierarchy, kicking ass and taking names. Within the space of a week, he was top rooster. Blossom was king of the yard. Hens didn’t fair so well. While Blossom was taking over the world, they were getting gang raped behind the potting shed. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/27 "2014-05-09T03:52:52Z")
Blossom’s Redemption:: an interesting and compelling short story, told in only 100 words or so. Well done. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/28 "2014-05-09T03:56:21Z")
Well, I should think so! What else would expect to find there? Fur? ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/29 "2014-05-09T04:30:46Z")
just ask him if he wants to be like Mike. he’ll get the message. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/30 "2014-05-09T04:38:07Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > I endorse this pitting. Some animals are assholes. Indeed. With 2 acres to prowl around, fucking rooster sets up camp _right under_ the bedroom window to start crowing at fucking 4:30 in the morning. And then there are the “crowing wars” between the one in one corner of the ranch, and the response from the other asshole on the opposite side. Call, response, repeat. All. Fucking. Day. (Cock)Suckers! ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/31 "2014-05-09T04:44:27Z")
I think the OP needs a vacation. Maybe the lovely island of Kauai in sunny Hawaii… ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/32 "2014-05-09T12:13:39Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > I endorse this pitting. Some animals are assholes. Mrs. J. has noted that Jack Russell terriers are the assholes of the dog world. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/33 "2014-05-09T12:27:56Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Well, I should think so! > What else would expect to find there? Fur? I’m wondering why you would be looking for anything there. ---
**Author:** ![Tully\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ab992/32.png) [@Tully\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tully_Mars)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/34 "2014-05-09T12:54:26Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Indeed. With 2 acres to prowl around, fucking rooster sets up camp _right under_ the bedroom window to start crowing at fucking 4:30 in the morning. > > And then there are the “crowing wars” between the one in one corner of the ranch, and the response from the other asshole on the opposite side. Call, response, repeat. All. Fucking. Day. > > (Cock)Suckers! A perfect segue into my rooster story: When I was a teenager, I spent about half of a summer working with my dad at a location that was distant enough that we spent the week there and came home on weekends. During the week, I slept on a cot in a field next to the log house that we were building. Weekends were my chance to sleep in a real bed. Saturday morning was my only opportunity to sleep late and I had the typical teenager’s love of sleeping late. We had Bantam chickens. They were half-wild and tough bastards. We did not clip their wings so that they could roost in the trees at night. They had to fend for themselves against the local predators - mostly feral cats. On of those little feathered bastards made a point of parking under my bedroom window on several Saturday mornings and performing a crowing concert. One cock-a-doodle-doo after another. I made a mental note of his appearance. “I’ll remember you, you bastard”. One Sunday morning, my mother asked me to kill a chicken for Sunday dinner. These critters were so tough you had to pressure cook them to make them edible. My dad had a Remington 870 12 gauge with a long, full-choke barrel. It was (and is) a tight-patterning, hard-hitting shotgun. My thoughts of revenge came together into a cohesive plan. I bypassed my own shotgun, a 20 gauge, modified choke. I took the 870 off the rack. I went into the back yard and waited. And waited. And waited. My mother stuck her head out the back door and asked, “What are you waiting for?” “Just wait,” I replied. Then, a blissful convergence. I saw the one. I waited a little more until he tilted his head back, "Cock-a-doodle … " - “BLAM!”. He tumbled across the yard, well …, like a headless chicken. We had some good chicken and dumplings when we got home from church. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Why\_Bother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19adc/32.png) [@Doctor\_Why\_Bother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Why_Bother)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/35 "2014-05-09T13:27:53Z")
My granddad’s farm had a rooster. It pecked my hand once for no reason at all. Loud, arrogant cock-a-doodle cunt. Every time I think about seriously committing to vegetarianism I remember that rooster and think "Nah, fuck it. One more chicken burger, just for the road. " Little fuckers should count themselves lucky they taste good. Pitting endorsed 100%. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/36 "2014-05-09T13:28:53Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > After the fourth spur attempt, I had enough, I unpocketed my Buck 110 folding pocketknife, with the shiny brass bolsters, locked the blade open, and merely pointed it at the rooster, letting fading sunlight glint off the blade and front bolster, and took an agressive stance and with a haughty, derisive tone to my voice, began to ridicule the delusional snack > > His attitude immediately changed to very timid and fearful, I taunted him a bit more, then folded the blade and walked away… To get Cooper (evil grin) > > When confronted by a 40 pound ball of muscle and fur who _really_ wanted to be freinds, the rooster finally and truly (must resist bad pun urge. ) chickened out (damn, couldn’t resist…) > > I might visit him again tonight and see if his little two-volt brain remembers to "not fuck with MacTech and Cooper… What a [shnook](http://www.seriousbirdhunting.com/2011/10/11/who-out-there-uses-a-call/foghorn_leghorn_loud_sign/). ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/37 "2014-05-09T17:19:36Z")
You know, if the vegans would just classify chickens as a mobile and aggressive form of broccoli, we could probably work something out… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Little\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Pig)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/38 "2014-05-10T04:40:37Z")
[Coq au Vin.](http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/coq_au_vin/) ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/39 "2014-05-10T04:53:00Z")
**BREAKING NEWS!** The main line-stepper, the “under the window crowmeister” has _gone missing!_ My wife thinks my failure to bring the _Killer Elite_, aka the “Weiner Dog Triad” in the house has something to do with it. Goddamn! Is this what its like to have “minions”? ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982/40 "2014-05-10T05:02:54Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > Coq au vin is an excellent solution to this kind of problem. > [@Little\_Pig](#): > > [Coq au Vin.](http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/coq_au_vin/) Thirded. Stew the arrogant fuck and them shit him out. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/roosters-feathered-assholes/687982.md?page=3)