# Rosary Service at a wake....rude if I don't kneel? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 24, 2016, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599 "2016-10-24T16:09:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/1 "2016-10-24T16:09:46Z")
I actually grew up Catholic, though I am a Unitarian now, but the number of rosaries I have said in my life is about 5. I remember kneeling the whole time for those. My uncle has died and I will be driving 6 hours to attend his wake in the evening tomorrow and then his funeral the next day and then travelling all the way home. the funeral home lists his “visitation” as 5-7 with a 6:30 Rosary Service. I have a slowly healing knee injury that will not love the long hours bent in the car and 30 minutes (? how long does a rosary take? According to my childhood memories it lasts approximately 100 years) kneeling will really set back the progress I’ve made healing. This will be a funeral attended by lots of elderly Catholics…if they’re on their knees my youthful 47 year old self is gonna look weak if I’m sitting it out, especially as my knee injury is not common knowledge and does not affect my mobility or gait at all. How rude is not kneeling? How rude is ducking out and not saying the rosary? I’d actually rather stay since just showing up and being by my aunt and cousins is kind of my whole point in going. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/2 "2016-10-24T16:17:03Z")
Short answer: No. If you’re quiet and respectful, no. Sometimes even I, a conservative Catholic, don’t find it in me to, say, pray a rosary, so I just stay put. If standing up for 20 minutes being still causes you pain though, go out discreetly. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/3 "2016-10-24T16:23:08Z")
No, not rude. ---
**Author:** ![half-elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@half-elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/half-elf)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/4 "2016-10-24T16:26:23Z")
Perhaps a walking cane would serve as a visual indication/ prop to those inclined to be offended that there is something wrong with your leg. ---
**Author:** ![JohnGalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johngalt/32/184_2.png) [@JohnGalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnGalt)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/5 "2016-10-24T16:33:41Z")
No it’s not rude. In fact several of the elderly relatives may start kneeling, but slide back to a sitting position after a few minutes, or not even kneel at all. You might get lucky and get one of those new-fangled Catholic churches that don’t even have kneelers (the newest church where I live didn’t have them in their first budget; they’re still using folding chairs instead of pews). ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/6 "2016-10-24T16:36:51Z")
It’s all part of the ritual, as you know. Since you no longer a practicing catholic, don’t take the sacraments, etc., you are under no obligation to perform the rituals. Anybody who can’t cope with that can go fuck themselves, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/7 "2016-10-24T17:05:26Z")
Not rude. If its at the visitation I will be surprised if anyone kneels; several relatives on the wife’s side are nuns and even they don’t kneel there - they do the rosary standing. If its in the church I would say go with seated like some of the older folks and people with health issues do. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/8 "2016-10-24T17:44:30Z")
Not rude. It’s nobody’s business whether you kneel or not. “Visual props” most assuredly not necessary. People shouldn’t be noticing at all, and if they do, they certainly shouldn’t be judging. ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Billy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Me\_Billy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Billy)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/9 "2016-10-24T17:50:09Z")
In church some people can’t stand (wheel chair) and some people can’t kneel. No problem! P.S. I can’t sing, so I am doing everyone else around me a favor by keeping my mouth closed! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/10 "2016-10-24T18:11:13Z")
I think if everyone was kneeling, I’d just scootch forward in my seat, fold my hands in my lap and bow my head. That way it looks like you’re being respectful but not kneeling for some legitimate reason. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/11 "2016-10-24T19:21:45Z")
Interesting – I’ve never seen folks stand to say the rosary. Regardless, you’re fine to just sit quietly. The rosary should take about 15 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/12 "2016-10-24T19:30:37Z")
Standing not required, nor always normative. [http://www.mybrokenfiat.com/uploads/7/3/4/6/7346785/1245205.jpg?449](http://www.mybrokenfiat.com/uploads/7/3/4/6/7346785/1245205.jpg?449) ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/13 "2016-10-24T20:19:54Z")
I like the “get acquainted book” my church has in the pews, for newcomers wondering what they should or shouldn’t be doing. Right at the beginnging there’s this. \*First Things First 1. We’re delighted you’re here, and we want you to come back. 2. We suspect you may have some questions. Everybody you see was a newcomer at one time or another, and we’ve all had questions – probably the very same ones. So, don’t hesitate to ask a question! 3. We want you to be comfortable so you can worship God and enjoy your visit today. You can’t do that if you’re wondering which book to pick up next or trying “to do everything right,” which usually means doing the same things everybody else is doing. So… Relax. The first rule is: When you’re worshiping God, you can’t get it wrong! The second rule is: If you need help, ask the person next to you. We like people here at \*\*\*\* Cathedral. The last rule is: **Regardless of what anybody else is doing, don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.** You can do whatever makes you feel comfortable. You shouldn’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable\* ---
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/14 "2016-10-24T20:42:48Z")
Wow, is that a Catholic church **Baker**? Because that attitude is not what I remember. I remember something more along the lines of “there are a lot of ways to worship God that are wrong. Also if you’re not uncomfortable you’re almost certainly doing it wrong.” ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/15 "2016-10-24T21:32:34Z")
> [@carlotta](#): > > Wow, is that a Catholic church **Baker**? > > Because that attitude is not what I remember. I remember something more along the lines of “there are a lot of ways to worship God that are wrong. Also if you’re not uncomfortable you’re almost certainly doing it wrong.” IIRC, Episcopalian. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/16 "2016-10-24T22:14:27Z")
If you’re not trying to hide your non-Catholicism at this point, I don’t see any issue with getting up and going to walk around outside during the rosary. No one expects a non-Catholic to pray a very-specifically Catholic (series of) prayer(s). If you want to stay in your seat/pew, you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable about just being there and reflecting on your uncle. I wouldn’t pull your cellphone out to watch YouTube videos or anything, but just do what you want. -ex-Catholic who gets drug out to mass once a year or so, and just sits quietly during the non-standing parts of anything ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/17 "2016-10-24T22:26:21Z")
> [@carlotta](#): > > Wow, is that a Catholic church **Baker**? > > Because that attitude is not what I remember. I remember something more along the lines of “there are a lot of ways to worship God that are wrong. Also if you’re not uncomfortable you’re almost certainly doing it wrong.” As **Katriona** said, I’m Episcopalian. We don’t practice closed communion, we’re open to all baptized Christians. As is often said, “This is not the Episcopalian’s table, but God’s.” The statement I included in my last post is followed by this… _You may want to skip this introductory stuff for now and read it later. But there is something we want to handle right up front. If you’re wondering, “Am I allowed to take communion here?” the answer is not only “YES,” but also “WE HOPE YOU WILL.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2016, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/18 "2016-10-24T23:46:43Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > I like the “get acquainted book” my church has in the pews, for newcomers wondering what they should or shouldn’t be doing. Right at the beginnging there’s this. > > \*First Things First > > 1. We’re delighted you’re here, and we want you to come back. > 2. We suspect you may have some questions. Everybody you see was a newcomer at one > time or another, and we’ve all had questions – probably the very same ones. So, don’t > hesitate to ask a question! > 3. We want you to be comfortable so you can worship God and enjoy your visit today. > You can’t do that if you’re wondering which book to pick up next or trying “to do > everything right,” which usually means doing the same things everybody else is doing. > So… > Relax. > The first rule is: When you’re worshiping God, you can’t get it wrong! > The second rule is: If you need help, ask the person next to you. We like people > here at > \*\*\*\* Cathedral. > The last rule is: **Regardless of what anybody else is doing, don’t do anything that > makes you feel uncomfortable.** > You can do whatever makes you feel comfortable. > You shouldn’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable\* This is pretty much standard for Catholic churches too, these days. _It really isn’t like it used to be._ EXCEPT: you should not receive communion if you are not a practicing Catholic. I think this is only true for Catholic and (I’m pretty sure) Orthodox churches. No, nobody checks, but you really shouldn’t. You can join the communion line and cross your hands over your heart when you get to the communion station and the eucharistic minister or the priest will give you a quick blessing instead of offering you the host/chalice. Or you can stay in your pew. It is all fine. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2016, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/19 "2016-10-25T19:32:16Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > This is pretty much standard for Catholic churches too, these days. _It really isn’t like it used to be._ EXCEPT: you should not receive communion if you are not a practicing Catholic. Or if you are a practicing Catholic and not in a state of grace. “You can do whatever makes you feel comfortable.” Hee. I am hoping that means, of the things that happen, participate in what makes you feel comfortable. Not just ANYTHING that makes you feel comfortable. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2016, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599/20 "2016-10-25T19:42:33Z")
> [@carlotta](#): > > How rude is not kneeling? How rude is ducking out and not saying the rosary? I’d actually rather stay since just showing up and being by my aunt and cousins is kind of my whole point in going. Don’t worry. It’s not rude. I am a practicing Catholic, and I usually don’t kneel at any kind of service, including Mass. Lots of knee surgeries culminating in knee replacement. My knees ain’t what they used to be. Nobody looks twice at me. Don’t worry. You’re going to a wake. You’re going to remember the deceased and support the family. It’s not a religious service, and even if it was, if you physically can’t kneel, or are just mentally or spiritually uncomfortable with kneeling, nobody will mind. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rosary-service-at-a-wake-rude-if-i-dont-kneel/769599.md?page=2)