# Royal Flush
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [August 25, 2012, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630 "2012-08-25T18:49:45Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/1 "2012-08-25T18:49:45Z")
What type of toilet paper does the Queen of England use, and is it available to the general public? 2 ply? 3 ply? Quilted? Printed on banknotes?
Same question for the President of the United States, btw.
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### Author:  [@Ximenean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ximenean)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/2 "2012-08-25T19:18:22Z")
Tesco Luxury Soft Magnolia, four pack. There happens to be a Tesco Express not yards from Windsor Castle. Hang out there of a Monday afternoon and you’re likely to see an equerry pop in for bog roll, a copy of the Racing Post, and the Daily Express for Phil.
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### Author:  [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/3 "2012-08-25T19:22:55Z")
OK, I just have to ask if that response was serious. On the one hand, that’s awfully quick to have a definitive answer for such an arcane question. But on the other hand… Well, this is the Dope after all.
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### Author:  [@Arkcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arkcon)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/4 "2012-08-25T19:23:27Z")
Ha. A bit of logical disconnect there – if _ **you** _ were queen, and _ **your** _ picture was on the backnote, would _ **you** _ wipe with it?
Don’t correct my gender pronoun. Its my hypothetical, it goes the way I want it to go.
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### Author:  [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/5 "2012-08-25T19:27:31Z")
FYI, on Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me! a few months ago, one of the questions was about a presidential visit to Buckingham Palace. Apparently the palace staff asked about the president and first lady’s preferred toilet paper prior to their arrival. [Cite](http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/10/30/not-in-front-of-the-corgis-juiciest-bits-from-royal-expos.html) from The Daily Beast.
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### Author:  [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/6 "2012-08-25T19:36:46Z")
Many products sold in Britain have a “By Royal Appointment” logo on them (with a Royal Coat of Arms), implying that the product is endorsed and bought by the Royal Family. (I am pretty sure this a real thing, and you would get in trouble for putting the logo on your product if the royals did not really use it.) I am sure I have seen it on toilet paper, although I can’t, off the top of my head, remember which brand. (My guess would be Andrex, which is the leading quality brand here. It is the one that advertises itself as providing an experience that is like wiping your butt with Labrador puppies. However, the Queen might prefer to wipe her butt with corgis.)
My own Tesco brand toilet paper does not have a “by Appointment” logo on the packaging (I am pretty sure **Ximenean** is joking). My Golden Syrup does though. I was a bit surprised to see my Marmite does not. perhaps the Queen is one of those who hate it.
Whether the presence of a “By Appointment” logo can safely be taken as evidence of what the Queen herself uses, as opposed to other members of the Royal Household (including servants) I do not know.
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### Author:  [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/7 "2012-08-25T19:37:07Z")
I don’t know but I’d like to think that Obama uses [this](http://s6.thisnext.com/media/250x250/President-Bush-Toilet-Paper_BA4656F1.jpg).
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### Author:  [@Ximenean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ximenean)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/8 "2012-08-25T19:45:17Z")
> [@Chronos](#):
>
> OK, I just have to ask if that response was serious. On the one hand, that’s awfully quick to have a definitive answer for such an arcane question. But on the other hand… Well, this is the Dope after all.
No, it was my light-hearted way of saying “how can we possibly know?”
A few products in the UK do carry a little crest as **njtt** describes, but I don’t seriously think it means that the Queen herself uses them. My take on that has always been that it is a little reward from the government to companies that are big exporters, employers, etc. No doubt they do have to supply to royal households in order to qualify for the crest, but then probably most big companies do that, at some point. I really, really doubt that there are people at Buckingham Palace saying “we can’t use this, it doesn’t have a crest on it!”
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### Author:  [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/9 "2012-08-25T19:48:06Z")
> [@njtt](#):
>
> Many products sold in Britain have a “By Royal Appointment” logo on them (with a Royal Coat of Arms), implying that the product is endorsed and bought by the Royal Family.
[Here is a list of Royal Warrant holders of the British Royal Family.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Royal_Warrant_holders_of_the_British_Royal_Family) Note that neither Tesco or Andrex are on that list.
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### Author:  [@Ximenean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ximenean)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/10 "2012-08-25T19:52:45Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#):
>
> [Here is a list of Royal Warrant holders of the British Royal Family.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Royal_Warrant_holders_of_the_British_Royal_Family) Note that neither Tesco or Andrex are on that list.
Kimberley-Clark is on the list, and they make Andrex.
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### Author:  [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/11 "2012-08-25T20:00:33Z")
And the brand’s own [website](http://www.andrex.co.uk/aboutus/aboutus.aspx) says, “The Queen granted us a Royal Warrant in 1978 as a mark of recognition that Andrex® is a regular supplier of toilet tissue to the Royal households.”
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### Author:  [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/12 "2012-08-25T20:04:17Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#):
>
> And the brand’s own [website](http://www.andrex.co.uk/aboutus/aboutus.aspx) says, “The Queen granted us a Royal Warrant in 1978 as a mark of recognition that Andrex® is a regular supplier of toilet tissue to the Royal households.”
Thank you!
One down and one to go-What about that Presidential asswipe, folks?
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### Author:  [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/13 "2012-08-25T20:11:45Z")
Don’t know about the paper, but I dimly remember reading, about 30 years ago, that when she made a brief appearance in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park for some occasion, they built a special outhouse for her, with a heated toilet seat.
I would guess the palace is equipped with those Japanese super toilets that wash, dry, and perfume your bum for you.
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### Author:  [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/14 "2012-08-25T20:12:21Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#):
>
> Thank you!
> One down and one to go-What about that Presidential asswipe, folks?
It depends. LBJ used 40-grit sandpaper.
Obama uses Charmin because he’s, you know, charmin’.
I’m sure Lincoln must have used Quilted Northern.
And Hoover, because of the depression, used Cottonelle.
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### Author:  [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/15 "2012-08-25T20:22:21Z")
This morning, I started laughing when I saw a photo of Queen Elizabeth with the caption “60 years on the throne”.
Maybe it had something to do with where I was at the time.
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### Author:  [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/16 "2012-08-25T20:25:23Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#):
>
> This morning, I started laughing when I saw a photo of Queen Elizabeth with the caption “60 years on the throne”.
>
> Maybe it had something to do with where I was at the time.
Probably more with somethin’ she et.
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### Author:  [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/17 "2012-08-25T20:32:24Z")
> [@](#):
>
> It depends. LBJ used 40-grit sandpaper.
OK, now I don’t even want to know what Teddy Roosevelt used.
And **Czarcasm** , congratulations for finding a way to use the phrase “What about that Presidential asswipe” in GQ in a way that doesn’t count as a partisan snipe :D.
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### Author:  [@Chief\_Pedant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chief_Pedant)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/18 "2012-08-25T20:33:55Z")
If the Queen has not upgraded to the [Cottonelle Care Routine](https://www.cottonelle.com/)(or an equivalent) then her royal arse is still in the toilet paper middle ages…I wonder if her staff keeps her up to date on stuff like that? I mean, it gives you a clean so fresh it deserves a name.
“Royal Flush,” maybe?
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### Author:  [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2012, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/19 "2012-08-25T20:33:59Z")
[Goose neck?](http://www.kirjasto.sci.fi/rabela.htm)
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### Author:  [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2012, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/royal-flush/632630/20 "2012-08-26T00:57:47Z")
Now I’m wondering if her highness has those little bits of paper stuck to her bum like the commercials would have us believe.
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