# Rude questions you wish you could ask. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 24, 2013, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226 "2013-05-24T14:39:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/81 "2013-05-29T22:52:28Z")
> [@Sister\_Vigilante](#): > > And I want to ask my friend, whose family has a history of psychological problems, why she had a kid who was diagnosed with Asperger’s, then had another one who has OCD. I don’t understand what this means ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/82 "2013-05-29T22:57:54Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > WAG: You get an infant, know the mom wasn’t drinking/smoking/using drugs, have a good idea of the genetics, and know no one will be changing their mind and petitioning to get the baby back or trying to be part of your kid’s life later. > > Though that still leaves the “why did you need an egg” question open. Are you infertile, do you hate your genes, etc… All that does make sense. I feel kind of stupid for not having thought of it. I think it’s partly because I’ve just had a fairly crap pregnancy and couldn’t imagine why anyone would go to that much hassle just for the sake of being pregnant (as opposed to for the sake of having a baby who’s your blood child, for which I personally still wouldn’t have gone to all that hassle, but I can understand people who do). I’m pretty sure she needed an egg because of age. I think she’s in her mid-forties. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/83 "2013-05-29T23:01:37Z")
> [@Mathematics](#): > > One of my professors always has a most mysterious object under his shirt. > > It doesn’t really appear to be a colostomy bag since it’s not in the right spot. > It is just below his ribs. > It’s way too huge to be a cell phone in his pocket or something. > The weird thing is that it changes shape. Some days it looks more like a rectangle, other days it looks more like an irregularly shaped lump. > > I really want to know what is up but of course I’d never ask. I was going to guess that maybe he has some sort of wound on his body and bandages it semi-regularly, and the bandages cause a different shape sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/84 "2013-05-29T23:01:52Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > I want to ask my co-worker why her tummy is so big. She looks like she’s nine months pregnant. She’s not heavy anywhere except her abdomen. Her butt isn’t big. > > She drinks a lot of beer, but it’s usually men who have a “beer belly”. I have other friends who like beer, and they don’t have tummies anywhere near that large. Does she also have facial hair and/or adult acne? Polycystic ovary syndrome can cause this too. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/85 "2013-05-29T23:05:45Z")
> [@Haunted\_Pasta](#): > > Same story with my non-drinking wife- well, let’s say the 7-months pregnant look, anyway. Enough to noticeably overhang her beltline and cause shirts to ride up, even though she’s otherwise very well proportioned. The inexorable weight gain that seems to be her genetic destiny just all goes to her belly area. Just happens to some people, I guess. > > For me, I’d like to be able to ask a couple of friends about their finances. Like, are they more loaded than I think, or are they deeply in debt? Because, while they have well-paying high-tech jobs, it doesn’t seem that they could comfortably support stay-at-home spouses in very nice houses with multiple kids getting their entire primary educations in expensive private schools. Do programmer jobs pay THAT well? Depends on where you live. Maybe they got the house paid off (or a previous house) before they had the kids, and the kids are going to the private school on a scholarship? It’s also possible that the SAHP has a lucrative at-home business. If they were deeply in debt, trust me, you’d hear about it. :rolleyes: My pastor has 7 kids, and the ones who are school age all attend a local private school that costs something like $15,000 per child per year. :eek: I had wondered how they could swing this, and found out that this school has an endowment that provides free tuition to children of clergy. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/86 "2013-05-29T23:11:25Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > WAG: You get an infant, know the mom wasn’t drinking/smoking/using drugs, have a good idea of the genetics, and know no one will be changing their mind and petitioning to get the baby back or trying to be part of your kid’s life later. Plus, some people really want to experience being pregnant and/or breastfeeding. The later is sometimes possible without giving birth, but you can really only experience pregnancy by being pregnant. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/87 "2013-05-29T23:13:39Z")
> [@MLS](#): > > I used to work in an office with many Asian workers from various countries. One of them told me that it was very obvious to them that X was from Japan, Y was Chinese, Z was Vietnamese, etc. However, he said, all the non-Asian people looked alike. I found that astounding, that he found it difficult to distinguish the stereotypical Irish gal from the stereotypical Italian one. I went to college in a town that has Asians of all types, and I can tell them apart. I also did clinical rotations on the Zuni Indian Reservation, which borders the Navajo Nation and has a sizable Navajo population, and was told that I would quickly be able to tell them apart. At first, I was skeptical, but quickly figured out who was who, just by looking at them. The Zunis look Hispanic, while the Navajos have an Asian appearance to the point where some of them were held as POWs by American soldiers who assumed they were Japanese based on this and their own non-fluency in English. :eek: Later, I worked in a town that had a lot of Bosnian refugees, and I could quickly tell them from native-born Americans too, because they all looked very similar. They are taller than most Americans (the women are the same height as the average American man, as am I, and the men average around 6 feet) and have very round faces with pointy noses. About 90% are blond, and 10% have dark hair. I never really appreciated the “American melting pot” until I worked there. More recently, my parents and I were at my brother’s house, and while we were there, three black boys, aged about 9, 11, and 13, walked by. My dad kind of went “harrumph” and :rolleyes:. I wondered what that was all about, and later, he asked my brother if this city had any Sudanese refugees. My brother replied, “No, we don’t. Are you talking about those boys we saw earlier?” Dad replied that he was, and my brother said, “They’re American. They live up the street, and go to the convenience store on the corner every day about this time and get Slurpees.” ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/88 "2013-05-29T23:15:48Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > I know a woman who had a baby last year, via double-donor IVF - donor egg, donor sperm. I’d love to ask her, ‘Why didn’t you adopt?’ I totally understand that adoption wouldn’t be the right option for a lot of people, because they want the blood tie, but she obviously doesn’t feel that way. And yes, adoption is a lot of hassle and expense and an emotional rollercoaster, but so are multiple rounds of IVF. So why go through pregnancy and labour and an emergency C-section? I’m sure she had reasons - this is a smart lady - but I’m not close enough to her to ask her what they were. She and/or her husband/partner may be a carrier for a deadly genetic disease, and don’t want to risk passing this on to their children. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/89 "2013-05-29T23:18:09Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > There’s no one spot for a colostomy. If your colostomy is planned, they will (should) have the patient meet with an ostomy nurse to determine the optimal placement of the stoma based on your body shape and clothing preferences, but in an emergency, it gets put where the surgeon can put it. He bases that decision on where he’s got to cut out intestine and how much give there is to the connective tissue that holds the intestines in place. Intestines are not loose like unlinked sausages; you can’t move the stoma too far without causing circulation issues. > > So it’s very likely that it is indeed a colostomy or ileostomy, based on the “changes shape” comment. Otherwise, I’d be voting for an insulin pump, but those don’t change shape. I was thinking a colostomy too, but shouldn’t a properly fitted, functioning colostomy bag not be visible under clothing, on top of there being no smell? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/90 "2013-05-30T00:09:22Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I was thinking a colostomy too, but shouldn’t a properly fitted, functioning colostomy bag not be visible under clothing, on top of there being no smell? Again, it depends on the part of the intestine which had to be removed, and how urgently, as well as the patient’s shape. My husband’s colostomy was an emergency, so there was no “proper fitting”, and he’s got a tum like Tweedledee. The part of the intestine that had to be removed in emergency surgery only allowed the stoma (the part the bag goes over) to be placed on the most pointy-out bit of his tum. While we did what we could with clothing, it was still pretty noticeable at times, especially as it filled. (It’s since been reversed, and the plumbing returned to normal, thank goodness!) The rectangularish shape sometimes seen is probably the [empty bag](http://www.ostomy-medical-supplies.com/ostomy-supplies/), while the bag full or filling of fecal material is going to look lumpy and irregular. ---
**Author:** ![Rala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@Rala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rala)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/91 "2013-05-30T11:48:51Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > After listening to the umpteenth sob story about my friend and her ex, in which she has ignored everything I told her last time, did everything she said she wouldn’t do, and asks me once again what she should do about it: **“WHY ARE YOU STILL LETTING THIS COCKSUCKER LIVE IN YOUR HEAD RENT FREE?!! DON’T FUCKING TALK TO HIM! EVER AGAIN! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!”** > > Wow, that felt better just typing it. Ugh, yes. The same thing is happening with a friend of my partner’s, and it’s really fucking annoying. “This dude had jealous meltdowns whenever he saw you hug a male friend. He frequently stopped talking to you for days at a time for no reason. You’re convinced he’s hiding a kid from a previous marriage. He stood you up on what was meant to be your _wedding day_ because ‘work got busy’. He dumped you _on your anniversary_ by showing you pictures of his new fiancée and TELLING YOU HE HATES YOU AND NEVER WANTS TO SEE YOU AGAIN! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO GET HIM BACK?! YOU SHOULD BE THANKING GOD THIS ASSHOLE IS OUT OF YOUR LIFE!” ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/92 "2013-05-30T12:49:33Z")
> [@colander](#): > > I don’t understand what this means I read as “If you knew your family’s less than stellar psych history, why would you have natural children knowing these problems can be passed on and why would you continue to have children after the first one was born with problems?” ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/93 "2013-05-31T01:31:21Z")
> [@Laggard](#): > > How do blind people know when they are done cleaning after taking a dump? I can tell just fine when I’m done wiping without looking at the TP. It’s not that hard. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/94 "2013-05-31T01:49:53Z")
> [@Silver\_Fire](#): > > I read as “If you knew your family’s less than stellar psych history, why would you have natural children knowing these problems can be passed on and why would you continue to have children after the first one was born with problems?” That’s what I figured, but I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, you know? ---
**Author:** ![Laggard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de053/32.png) [@Laggard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laggard)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/95 "2013-05-31T12:50:01Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > I can tell just fine when I’m done wiping without looking at the TP. It’s not that hard. Many have thought they were clean when in fact they were not. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/96 "2013-05-31T13:09:09Z")
> [@StJoan](#): > > Seconded. I have often wondered why women follow any organized religion all all, when all of them have shortchanged the entire female gender at some point or another. Why were our great-grandmothers (and beyond) so willing to be treated as 2nd class citizens ? Not that they are around to ask that question to, of course. I really have to bite my tongue at many religious remarks. I mean, really, you think your sick wife got better because all the 150 people in your church prayed for her? No, I mean, do you really, REALLY think that? Seriously? I always try to translate it. “Ill pray for you” can convey roughly the same friendly sentiment as “I’'ll send you good thoughts”. Or, if meant sarcastically, it translates as: "“Good luck. You’'ll need it”. But how should I translate that kind of remark? As “We tried to stay positive, and the love in our family gave my wife the strenght to battle her illness”? (Which is also nonsense woo, but the non-religious variety. ) But if they really, literally mean it, I’m baffled. I don’'t even want to ask a rude question; I just want to back away slowly and never trust that person with any important factual decision ever again. > [@MLS](#): > > I used to work in an office with many Asian workers from various countries. One of them told me that it was very obvious to them that X was from Japan, Y was Chinese, Z was Vietnamese, etc. However, he said, all the non-Asian people looked alike. I found that astounding, that he found it difficult to distinguish the stereotypical Irish gal from the stereotypical Italian one. [This chart](http://feministphilosophers.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/averageface.jpg)may come in handy. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/97 "2013-05-31T14:02:51Z")
> [@colander](#): > > That’s what I figured, but I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, you know? Certainly, it’s a rude question. I think it’s valid though. Sort of like my “Why not abort the mermaid baby?” question, except in that case they knew with certainty that their baby wasn’t going to be “normal.” It isn’t that I think they should have aborted, or that I think people with a negative psychological background should not have children, but it would be interesting for me if I could see into the minds of people who choose to start a person off at a potentially severe disadvantage. I wonder the same thing about families with Down Syndrome babies. Not because I think DS babies should all die but I wonder, did you not test? Did you just not know, or did you know and not care? Or that woman who had the kid who was born with just a brain stem. Can’t hear, see, talk, move deliberately, etc. In that case, why bother? Rude and absolutely none of my business. Still, I wonder. Not because I have opinions on what they should have done but because I’m curious about the why of what they decided. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/98 "2013-05-31T14:31:24Z")
> [@colander](#): > > That’s what I figured, but I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, you know? OCD and Asperger’s are such wildly different conditions, it’s like assuming a parent with a family history of cancer is responsible for their children having Type I Diabetes and Arthritis. All psychological conditions are not created equal. There are many different causes, and we often can’t tell one way or the other. Some are very treatable. Others, not so much. I will admit one significant factor in my desire to adopt rather than give birth is the possibility that my child will inherit the severe treatment-resistant depression that runs in my family. It’s a pretty fucking miserable way to live. ETA: Forgot my rude question. I want to ask my grandmother if there was an autopsy on her dead son and whether they were able to determine if he had an accidental heroine overdose or actually deliberately killed himself. But considering I’m not even supposed to know he died of a heroine OD, I don’t think that will go over too well. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/99 "2013-05-31T20:20:07Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > As “We tried to stay positive, and the love in our family gave my wife the strenght to battle her illness”? (Which is also nonsense woo, but the non-religious variety. ) What on earth are you talking about? [There are documented physiological health benefits to stress reduction](http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/local/suminst/bbi00/projects/VladHomep2.HTML), one method of which is having emotional and physical support in times of stress. [“We know stress is a contributor to all the major modern killers.”](http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/meditation-heals-body-and-mind) ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226/100 "2013-05-31T21:32:45Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > My rude questions: > Can a Chinese person identify on sight someone who is Asian but not Chinese? Can they tell just by looking if that person is Korean, Japanese, Thai, etc.? And vice versa? They couldn’t in China. I worked there with a very good Filipino friend, who didn’t look particularly Chinese at all- she was generally darker and rounder than your average Chinese woman. For the entire two years she was there, she would have a very difficult time explaining that she was not Chinese. Most people she encountered were genuinely baffled as to why she couldn’t speak particularly well, and assumed she was mentally challenged or something. Some people would even argue back with her when she protested that she’s not Chinese. That said, when you factor in clothing, body language, etc. it becomes a little easier to make distinctions. I couldn’t tell if a random person on the street is Chinese, but I can certainly tell when a Chinese tour group rolls through. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rude-questions-you-wish-you-could-ask/659226.md?page=6)