# Ruin a joke **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 22, 2005, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411 "2005-06-22T18:38:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/41 "2005-06-22T19:52:15Z")
A monk said to a hot dog vendor, “Make me a hot dog with every topping on it.” * * * A woman with no arms and no legs was on the beach, crying. A man walked up to her and asked what was wrong. “I’ve never been with a man,” she cried. “I’ve never had anyone make love to me, never been intimate, never had sex.” The man picked her up and threw her into the ocean. He yelled out after her, “Now you’re in trouble!” ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/42 "2005-06-22T19:53:00Z")
Why did the moron throw the clock out the window? He was tossing it to a friend. My sister is so fat that when she sits around the house, she takes up a lot of space. What’s big and red and eats rocks? A large, red steamshovel. What’s the difference between a bunch of smart pygmies and a woman’s track team? One’s a group of short people . . . . ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/43 "2005-06-22T19:55:06Z")
What’s black and white and red all over? [Yemen’s flag.](http://www.plcmc.org/forkids/mow/details.asp?id=121) ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/44 "2005-06-22T19:58:12Z")
Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider Who sat down beside her And went to sleep ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/45 "2005-06-22T19:58:54Z")
[Somethingawful.com](http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2792) did an entire series of these. Here’s one I saw in _Maxim_: Q: What do you call a black man who flies a plane for a living? A: A pilot, you f\*cking racist. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/46 "2005-06-22T19:59:01Z")
Why? ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/47 "2005-06-22T20:01:31Z")
A guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office completely naked, wrapped in saran wrap. The psychiatrist looks up and says, “Due to the transparent nature of that cellophane, your testicles are plainly visible.” * * * What’s the first thing a woman says after reaching orgasm? “Mmm, that was terrific!” ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/48 "2005-06-22T20:01:52Z")
Because, otherwise, you could hurt yourself. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/49 "2005-06-22T20:02:26Z")
A frayed knot walks into a bar… ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/50 "2005-06-22T20:03:22Z")
There once was a man from Nantucket. Later, he moved to Norfolk. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/51 "2005-06-22T20:03:22Z")
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The batender says to him, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “Yeah, Grasshoppers are my favorite drink. Can I have one please?” A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, are you upset about something?” ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/52 "2005-06-22T20:05:57Z")
The psychiatrist told Mickey Mouse, “I’m sorry, I cannot commit your girlfriend on your word that she is insane.” “I didn’t say she was insane!” yelled Mickey. “I said she was having sex with Goofy!” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/53 "2005-06-22T20:06:57Z")
What does a blonde say after sex? “Do you play football?” ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/54 "2005-06-22T20:07:02Z")
A group of nuns are redecorating their convent, and they take off their clothes so they won’t get paint on their habits. They hear a knock on the door, and yell “Who’s there?” The person at the door replies “Blind man”, so they let him in and give a hot meal. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/55 "2005-06-22T20:11:55Z")
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds? Because they are at a point in life where they are mature enough to engage in conversations that don’t center around sex. The actual joke punchline is: because there are 20 of them! ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/56 "2005-06-22T20:13:39Z")
Abbott: Well Costello, I’m going to New York with you. You know, Bucky Harris, the Yank’s manager gave me a job as coach for as long as you’re on the team. Costello: Look Abbott, if you’re the coach, you must know all the players. Abbott: Right, certainly do. Costello: Well, I never met the guys, so you’ll have to tell me their names, and then I’ll know who’s playing on the team. Abbott: Oh, I’ll tell you their names, but you know strange as it may seem, they give these ball players now a days, very peculiar names. Well let’s see, we have on the bags, we have Who’s on first, What’s on second, and I Don’t Know is on third. Costello: Wow, those _are_ unusual names. It must get confusing trying to explain that to people. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/57 "2005-06-22T20:14:07Z")
Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? Because he was mean and had no respect for the property of others. How can you tell if an elephant’s been in your fridge? Because it’s severly damaged. Elephants are very strong animals. What’s black and white and red all over? An old photograph that someone has spilled red paint on. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/58 "2005-06-22T20:15:44Z")
This is easily the funniest thread I have ever read. Now that’s irony for you. Why does a fireman wear red suspenders? It’s a requirement of his union contract. What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A terrible tragedy. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/59 "2005-06-22T20:17:22Z")
Two lions are eating a clown. One of the lions turns to the other and says “Does this have an off taste?” ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411/60 "2005-06-22T20:17:23Z")
“Hey, it’s me, Dave” “Hey, Dave. Come on in” “Who’s on first?” “Oh, I see. Very good” A man uses magic to make a statue comes to life. The the man asks the statue what he’d like to do with his new life. The statue replies “I actually liked being a statue. Change me back, asshole” A Rabbi, A Priest and a Minister walk into a bar. They all have a great time and retire after a few drinks. A Rabbit, A Priest and a Minister are trying to decide how much to give to charity. They argue about using a circle and throwing coins as a detemining method, but instead decide to give as much as they can. Hitler:“My Dog has no nose” Stormtroopers:“I bet it’s sense of smell is very poor” Hitler has them all shot. Wait a second… Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was covered with salt. Two men go to the toliet and talk about sports, because talking about penis length would be construed as being gay. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ruin-a-joke/309411.md?page=4)