# rules **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 11, 2001, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491 "2001-03-11T01:08:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/1 "2001-03-11T01:08:43Z")
The rules- It should be a rule that you have instituted by experiencing it’s converse. It doesn’t have to be one that you follow religiously, but one that you actually do try to follow for dire fear of whatever the situation it was designed to prevent. Post the rule, but not the situation that led to it’s formation- it will be much more fun for our dirt-mongering, pointy little heads to speculate on that ourselves. One rule per post please, to make them each stand out in their glory, although post as often as you wish. My hesitant offering, which I’m sure will have a couple of you in outraged hysterics and making with the 'you-are-the-biggest-most-hypocritical-grossest-shiny-loser email, and to which I would only be able to respond with a gentlemanly petite showing of the tongue before turning away to carry on in a dignified manner with my pathetic, shadow-play of a life: 1. Don’t poop in bed. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/2 "2001-03-11T01:11:47Z")
2.Tarmac is not a substitute for a dinner plate. 1. Just because it looks like vodka, and it smells like vodka, it isn’t necessarily vodka. (Don’t ask for details). ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/3 "2001-03-11T01:28:16Z")
1. Don’t drink two whole bottles of Martini Bianco. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/4 "2001-03-11T01:30:13Z")
1. Never put out a candle with your fingers without licking them, and just holding it, not ‘tapping’ 2. Never inhale nearly pure CO2 ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/5 "2001-03-11T01:32:38Z")
1. Rewiring electric fires is for professionals, not drunk students. 2. A shopping trolley is not a toy. 3. Kicking other people’s kneecaps is not big or clever. (Especially don’t ask about that last one) ---
**Author:** ![Zumba\_The\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/779978/32.png) [@Zumba\_The\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zumba_The_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/6 "2001-03-11T01:34:35Z")
1. Never, ever iron naked. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/7 "2001-03-11T01:34:55Z")
1. Never work on live electicity if you are easily distracted by pretty women. 2. Don’t take martial arts lessons while drunk. ---
**Author:** ![KellyM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/57b2e6/32.png) [@KellyM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KellyM)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/8 "2001-03-11T01:36:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by inor \* > **It should be a rule that you have instituted by experiencing it’s converse.** My offering: never kill people who use “it’s” when they should have used “its”. ---
**Author:** ![Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/9 "2001-03-11T01:44:37Z")
1. Never drink way too much in front of family, they will never EVER forget the stupid things you did. Kitty ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/10 "2001-03-11T01:49:09Z")
1. If someone tells you to move because they are going to swing the golf club, then move. ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/11 "2001-03-11T01:55:43Z")
Let go of the firecracker. ---
**Author:** ![Palmyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@Palmyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palmyra)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/12 "2001-03-11T01:59:33Z")
1. Never weld for three hours without wearing the goddamn leather jacket. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/13 "2001-03-11T02:09:03Z")
1. If you think something is too good to be true, it usually is. ---
**Author:** ![Hanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b3f665/32.png) [@Hanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hanna)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/14 "2001-03-11T02:14:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zumba The Cat \* > \*\*9. Never, ever iron naked. \*\* …or fry bacon naked… ---
**Author:** ![Zumba\_The\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/779978/32.png) [@Zumba\_The\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zumba_The_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/15 "2001-03-11T02:15:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Boscibo \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Zumba The Cat \* > > \*\*9. Never, ever iron naked. \*\* > > …or fry bacon naked… \*\* Both can leave you with ugly burns in places you don’t want burnt. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/16 "2001-03-11T02:20:20Z")
1. You vs. the wrought-iron gate: The gate always wins. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/17 "2001-03-11T02:20:31Z")
1. Never pay the porters off the night before you leave town. Pay them the next morning (unless you are sure there is no liquor left in the village). ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/18 "2001-03-11T02:28:41Z")
And I’m really, really wanting to have seen some of the situations… Looks like there’s 2 17s (is that right KellyM?) so, 1. It may seem like jsut the thing, but it is _not_ a good idea to poop over the edge of a small cliff, when outdoors. ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/19 "2001-03-11T02:30:57Z")
1. Do not actually “mate” with your housemates. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecccb3/32.png) [@Lord\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/20 "2001-03-11T02:32:23Z")
1. Never, while naked, put on a pair of jeans straight out of the dryer. That zipper and those rivets are hot. Jim [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491.md?page=2)