# rules **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 11, 2001, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491 "2001-03-11T01:08:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/41 "2001-03-11T04:30:14Z")
Always remove all the foil and the metal twisty thing from the neck of the champagne bottle. Trust me. ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/42 "2001-03-11T04:35:57Z")
**KeithT** said: > [@](#): > > 1. Always set down a soldering iron _before_ you shake hands with someone. 32-A: Don’t forget what you’re doing and pick your soldering iron back up by the wrong end. Also: don’t go out to breakfast with smartasses when you’re seriously hung over. ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/43 "2001-03-11T04:37:56Z")
1. Pooping behind the couch does not free you from toilet training. 2. “Get Fuzzy,” despite lacking a distinct punchline, can be actually very funny. ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/44 "2001-03-11T04:49:17Z")
1. You will never, ever, achieve the point of intimacy where in, if you say to your wife, ‘hay baby, I think I jsut heard a noise out in the living room, get under the covers and I’ll go look’, then, hold the covers closed and fart, she will laugh along with you. yes, I am divorced. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/45 "2001-03-11T04:52:31Z")
1. Toothpaste is not a lubricant. ---
**Author:** ![Palmyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@Palmyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palmyra)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/46 "2001-03-11T04:55:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > \*\*36. Toothpaste is not a lubricant. \*\* i’ve heard that one before… 1. Policemen don’t like it when you burn a boat on the lake in the middle of a city park. ---
**Author:** ![Palmyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@Palmyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palmyra)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/47 "2001-03-11T04:56:44Z")
er… i mean **Don’t** burn boats on the lake in the middle of the city park. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/48 "2001-03-11T05:01:17Z")
When your lab partner is nicknamed “the mad scientist,” be sure to watch everything going in the flask. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/49 "2001-03-11T05:02:05Z")
Never do yoga moves on a full stomach. When all else fails, a brick hammer usually works. If you think you can make it through the flooded over section of your road, you won’t. Don’t try to hatch a chicken egg from the refrigerator by wrapping it in a sock and putting it under the couch by the heater vent. ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/50 "2001-03-11T05:03:19Z")
Know it when you hear good advice, and heed it. ::throwing away all those cases of crest gel:: \ ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/51 "2001-03-11T06:18:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by trose \* > So it’s OK with boots on? How 'bout Tevas? \*\* Had I had on boots when I burned a hole in the carpet, it probably would have been the boots that got burned. I don’t know how my toes managed to stay fire-free. Rule 52: Do not attempt to clean a vacuum cleaner filter by pouring water into it. ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/52 "2001-03-11T06:21:33Z")
1. Or, do it enough times that you can build something useful out of them. Like a nice little adobe house. ---
**Author:** ![5CentCigar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/ea5d25/32.png) [@5CentCigar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5CentCigar)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/53 "2001-03-11T06:28:15Z")
The things cartoon characters do on t.v. cannot necessarily be done in real life. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/54 "2001-03-11T06:37:54Z")
**55.** Never trust a fart. **56.** Never _ever_ fart in an elevator, no matter how empty you think the office building is. ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/55 "2001-03-11T06:45:42Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. Never trust a fart God, I weep to see this kind of cynicism in one so young. ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/56 "2001-03-11T07:08:47Z")
There are very few problems in life which cannot be solved with the suitable application of high explosives. Dont whiz on the electric fence. When you drop a knife (or in my case, a sword) jump back and get out of the way. Do not attempt to catch it. The missing flesh will grow back funny. Trust me. If someone tries to steal your baseball bat, dont chase after him unarmed. If you do, do not try to engage said thief in hand to hand combat because, well, his hands are full. Also, I have to, have to, HAVE to ask about this one. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\*30. Do not swing from a tree with a chainsaw in your hands without ensuring you are properly harnessed to the tree. \*\* I gotta know. I just GOTTA. ---
**Author:** ![Fatwater\_Fewl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4491bb/32.png) [@Fatwater\_Fewl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fatwater_Fewl)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/57 "2001-03-11T07:25:53Z")
1. Do not try to put a dog collar around the neck of the biggest guy at the party. 61 A. When he hits you, stay down. 61 B. See 61 A. ---
**Author:** ![Soda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@Soda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soda)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/58 "2001-03-11T09:28:30Z")
Don’t turn on your computer if you have to be somewhere in 30 minutes. (Why, why do I never learn?) ---
**Author:** ![BornDodgy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BornDodgy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BornDodgy)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/59 "2001-03-11T11:55:38Z")
1. Dont touch the electrical fence telling a friend: “look. It isnt turned ooooooo” 2. Dont drink tea when you cant breath through your nose (cause of a bad cold) and browse this thread at the same time. You ll choke. dodgy ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/60 "2001-03-11T13:45:25Z")
1. Never zip before checking to see if your johnson is completely out of the way.:eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491.md?page=4)