# rules **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 11, 2001, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491 "2001-03-11T01:08:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/61 "2001-03-11T13:57:34Z")
1. If you’re going to sneak out of the window, take the windchimes off the hook. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/62 "2001-03-11T14:22:10Z")
If you feel you MUST touch the electric fence, and the first few times it feels cool, make sure that none of your friends are sitting on the ground near you holding a huge piece of metal with which they can touch you. If the above happens, do not attempt to stand up until you have regained feeling in your legs. Socket Boy is not your friend when you’re soaking wet. Remember how Mom always used to yell “Stop that! You’ll put an eye out with that thing!”? Sometimes she was right. Wait until the demo derby is over to try and cross the track. ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/63 "2001-03-11T15:02:28Z")
re: many of these rules- Never trust your shitty, laughing SO/friends to help you out of whatever situation you got into by not applying the rule. There are times when you are on your own, babe. For example: If, due to an unfortunate bout of thoughtlessness, you have just screwed your finger to a piece of plywood with a 2" deck screw, and in the resultant suprise/pain, flung the drill away from you, you will have to drag said plywood with you and retrieve said drill. Your shitty, laughing friends will not help yoou. Never try to just rip said finger off said screw. It is permissable to shout foul names at said shitty laughing firends, and to scream in general whilst dragging and unscrewing. And I’m with whoever it was up there (I can’t see who said it- we’ve gone to two pages, too lazy to start a new window, which would have been a lot fuckin faster than typing all this)- Give Crunchy, on the chainsaw massacre story…g’wan, jsut this one time, break the rules. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/64 "2001-03-11T15:10:24Z")
1. Turn on the light and take a look before drinking from the glass of water on your nightstand. ---
**Author:** ![Braindoggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b2d939/32.png) [@Braindoggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Braindoggy)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/65 "2001-03-11T21:03:10Z")
Never tell your girlfriend you’re absolutely sure it shouldn’t tast like that. ---
**Author:** ![Braindoggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b2d939/32.png) [@Braindoggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Braindoggy)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/66 "2001-03-11T21:04:37Z")
Never tell your girlfriend “It only seems kinky the first time.” ---
**Author:** ![Braindoggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b2d939/32.png) [@Braindoggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Braindoggy)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/67 "2001-03-11T21:06:19Z")
Never tell your girlfriend… What? Yes, I am single. What? Yes, again. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e495f1/32.png) [@Farmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/68 "2001-03-11T21:43:08Z")
1. If you feel the need to go boon-dockin’ in a church park, never do it after it has just rained. I got stuck half a tire deep, for like hours, without getting caught! ---
**Author:** ![Sylkyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/69 "2001-03-11T22:03:16Z")
Never brag to that you haven’t had bronchitis in ages, like you are suddenly immune to it. You’re not. ---
**Author:** ![Sylkyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/70 "2001-03-11T22:04:34Z")
And never assume the medicine for said bronchitis isn’t affecting your ability to hit the preview button. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/71 "2001-03-11T22:31:12Z")
If you are too drunk to tell the difference between the sink and the countertop, do not attempt to throw up in the sink. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/72 "2001-03-11T22:32:55Z")
Remove nipple rings before nude sunbathing. Metal + Sun =HOT METAL ---
**Author:** ![wolfstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d6d6ee/32.png) [@wolfstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfstu)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/73 "2001-03-11T22:44:04Z")
Never, when a student pilot in a practice spin with a rather domineering and abrasive instructor, respond to the command “RECOVER” by turning around, looking at said instructor and saying “Did you say ‘recover’?” uuuggghh… there are details, but I guess they don’t belong here. ---
**Author:** ![DonQuixote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@DonQuixote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DonQuixote)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/74 "2001-03-12T02:36:51Z")
Never assume no one is home while singing along to loud music. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/75 "2001-03-12T02:59:41Z")
Do not run backwards on a soccer field. Sooner or later the goalpost gods will get annoyed with you. 1. Do not assume, ever, that a high IQ will keep you in a class in which you do no work and don’t study. ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/76 "2001-03-12T03:01:58Z")
now which one of you is going to start the ‘stories behind the rules’ thread? Never, when getting out of the shower and your dog starts licking the water off your pretty part, smile and think it’s the funniest thing since Red Skelton. The dog won’t stop with licking. Take immediate evasive action. ---
**Author:** ![Redboss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8baadc/32.png) [@Redboss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redboss)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/77 "2001-03-12T03:37:52Z")
Hair gel is not an adequate substitute for um, sexual lubricant. [sub]No story forthcoming, just ouch ouch burny burny[/sub] inor, you da **man**! Redburnt ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/78 "2001-03-12T03:46:18Z")
ouch, burny burny? k, we need to talk here… ::inor, laughing:: ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/79 "2001-03-12T03:50:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Redboss \* > **Hair gel is not an adequate substitute for um, sexual lubricant.** Oh. My. Dear. God. :eek: I don’t know whether to laugh or to cringe. Or both. ---
**Author:** ![absoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@absoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/absoul)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491/80 "2001-03-12T04:48:32Z")
Never assume the burning cigarette butt made it out the window of your vehicle. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rules/57491.md?page=5)