# Rumsfield claims a trained ape could manage war better than Obama **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 25, 2014, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547 "2014-03-25T19:48:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/221 "2014-03-29T02:47:52Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > When Laura Bush was 17, she was in an auto accident that killed the driver of the other car. She was apparently at fault (she ran a stop sign), but was not charged with a crime. He happened to be [a close friend of hers](http://www.snopes.com/politics/bush/laura.asp)as well. (It’s been claimed he was her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend, but she denied that.) ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/222 "2014-03-29T03:01:55Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > 😕 Isn’t that obvious?! I’ve known this since first listening to Velvet Underground. Oh, and to country music. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/223 "2014-03-29T03:17:24Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > I’ve known this since first listening to Velvet Underground. Oh, and to country music. What do you get when you play country music backwards? You get your job back, you get your wife back, you get your truck back . . . But, what do you get when you play New Age music backwards? You get New Age music! ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/224 "2014-03-29T03:24:54Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > What do you get when you play country music backwards? > > You get your job back, you get your wife back, you get your truck back . . . > > But, what do you get when you play New Age music backwards? > > You get New Age music! I’m glad you don’t have a dig at the Velvets. P.S.: but damn I love me some (I say **some** ) country music. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/225 "2014-03-29T03:30:49Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > I’m glad you don’t have a dig at the Velvets. Stephanie says She ought to know Why she’s given half of her life To people she hates now . . . ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/226 "2014-03-29T03:34:44Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Stephanie says > She ought to know > Why she’s given half of her life > To people she hates now . . . Oh please don’t say that you hate me now just for liking, well, the **good** country faction. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/227 "2014-03-29T04:08:53Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > Oh please don’t say that you hate me now just for liking, well, the **good** country faction. 😉 😕 Velvet Underground is a **Country** faction?! Did you think I spoke of country matters?! ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/228 "2014-03-29T04:17:01Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > 😕 Velvet Underground is a **Country** faction?! > > Did you think I spoke of country matters?! No, well no, I didn’t mean that at all (it would be absurd), I think I just didn’t get your “Stephanie Says” quote, and confusion ensued. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/229 "2014-03-29T04:30:21Z")
To elaborate, I thought you’d taken a dig at me for liking a faction of country music in the previous post, after you having taken a major dig at country music before. I meant this line: “Why she’s given half of her life To people she hates now”. Phew, that’s lots of explaining for a deranged pit thread I stumbled in. I hope it’s clear now. Btw., the OP’s an imbecile. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/230 "2014-03-29T04:34:29Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > Btw., the OP’s an imbecile. But a trained ape is not, necessarily. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/231 "2014-03-29T04:58:31Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > But a trained ape is not, necessarily. I can’t quite follow you anymore. If that’s up to me or you, I’ll leave as an exercise for the audience. But I’m off to bed now. Good night. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/232 "2014-03-29T11:03:33Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > I, personally, have been arrested more than once for doing indecent things to tailpipes in public. Don’t even joke about that. I knew a guy that tried that, but ended up breathing in too much carbon monoxide and died from lack of oxygen. There’s nothing funny about auto-erotic asphyxiation. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/233 "2014-03-29T12:53:57Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Don’t even joke about that. I knew a guy that tried that, but ended up breathing in too much carbon monoxide and died from lack of oxygen. > > There’s nothing funny about auto-erotic asphyxiation. That’s just terrible. Go stand in a corner. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/234 "2014-03-29T14:48:33Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Don’t even joke about that. I knew a guy that tried that, but ended up breathing in too much carbon monoxide and died from lack of oxygen. > > There’s nothing funny about auto-erotic asphyxiation. I took the joke the other way, and wondered if you believe that some people can breathe through their penises. ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/235 "2014-03-29T20:38:14Z")
> [@Charlie\_Wayne](#): > > P.S. I couldn’t decide whether to post this in the IMHO forum or in this one. I picked this one owing to the small amount of satire. You used the adjective _small_ judiciously. Do you even know what satire is? The Roman poet Juvenal, that’s satire. The MacFlecknoe of John Dryden, the Modest Proposal, Gulliver’s Travels, the Tale of a Tub of Swift, that’s satire. The Dunciad of Pope, that’s satire. What you have written isn’t. Go read the masters. Come back when you have some wit. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/236 "2014-03-29T20:52:41Z")
What? Peter Griffin of The Family Man isn’t satire? He hat wit! Half-wit! Just stupid you say? Well, I say Good Day Sir! Real satire is Thomas Jefferson giving an oral presentation of The Declaration of Independence overseeing his slaves in the field while being fellated by Sally Hemmings. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/237 "2014-03-29T21:00:47Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > So? Who didn’t? I, for one, sent my yearbook dealer a note about some friendly weed. I was pretty high at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2014, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/238 "2014-03-30T01:26:22Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > You don’t understand. > > We love our cars **physically.** > > I, personally, have been arrested more than once for doing indecent things to tailpipes in public. Guess that explains those burned lips. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2014, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/239 "2014-03-30T06:54:20Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Guess that explains those burned lips. She was one hot bitch! ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2014, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/240 "2014-03-30T07:53:06Z")
So, my dear old granny moved up to Minnesota from Waco to be closer to us, and got a very nice little place in a semi-assisted senior building and got on quite well, but insisted on keeping her rattle trap old car. Anyway, it quickly developed a case of Minnesota car cancer, but she kept it, and got the local handyperson to come by every week and give it a wash and wax. Simonize it, she heard that was the best. So, anyways, they had this local grumpy nosy old biddy annoying some of the ladies with her observations, and she let fly with this… “Well, all I can say is Ms. Ripley must be pretty well off, she told me she has a man come by once a week and sodomize her car…” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547.md?page=13)