# Rumsfield claims a trained ape could manage war better than Obama **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 25, 2014, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547 "2014-03-25T19:48:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/21 "2014-03-25T21:22:03Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Could he be laying the groundwork for the next Republican nominee? > > “Vote Trained Ape in '16!” That explains Dick Cheney walking around with a whip and a chair. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/22 "2014-03-25T21:23:11Z")
> [@](#): > > …just ask Mommy for a crayon. Bad idea, crayons can be sharpened. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/23 "2014-03-25T21:23:23Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > I thought Rumsfeld was dead. No, he’s a lizard. Easily confused. Although he [refuses](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz_gy7-bOoo) to admit it. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/24 "2014-03-25T21:23:40Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > I thought Rumsfeld was dead. No, I’m pretty sure that was Snake Plisskin. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/25 "2014-03-25T21:26:00Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Could he be laying the groundwork for the next Republican nominee? > > “Vote Trained Ape in '16!” Thanks. I needed the laugh! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/26 "2014-03-25T21:31:51Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Satire?? The OP also refers to knock-knock jokes as “three-act plays.” ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/27 "2014-03-25T21:33:51Z")
Here’s a thought: Maybe if the people in power realize they can’t manage wars, they’ll _stop starting them!_ PS - Rummy, you couldn’t manage War the card game, much less international armed conflict. Crawl back under your rock before we remember we can try you for war crimes. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/28 "2014-03-25T21:35:25Z")
Rummy showing his own military expertise: “I can’t tell you if the use of force in Iraq today would last five days, or five weeks, or five months, but it certainly isn’t going to last any longer than that.” And, later: “It happens not to be the area where weapons of mass destruction were dispersed. We know where they are. They’re in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat.” IOW, take more opportunities to shut the fuck up, you bungling traitor. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/29 "2014-03-25T21:38:00Z")
Dream headline now available: “RUMSFIELD COMPARES PRESIDENT TO APE!” ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/30 "2014-03-25T21:43:35Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > Would you mind presenting the credentials that make you an authority on this topic, or, if you prefer, on what specifically you base this conclusion? I would like to give a fair hearing to your opinion and right now I’m having…some difficulty. IMO, the best credentials that anyone could have would be that they never chose to call themselves “El Kabong”. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/31 "2014-03-25T21:43:43Z")
To my surprise, [smirkingchimp.com](http://smirkingchimp.com) is still active. Speaking of Presidents and their resemblances. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/32 "2014-03-25T21:45:04Z")
> [@Charlie\_Wayne](#): > > [http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/susan-jones/rumsfeld-us-ties-karzai-gone-downhill-toboggan-under-obama](http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/susan-jones/rumsfeld-us-ties-karzai-gone-downhill-toboggan-under-obama) > > Donald Rumsfield has claimed that a trained ape could manage a war better than Obama. Bullshit, Charlie. You didn’t read your own goddamned article. Go back to gargling whale sperm with the rest of the sea anemones; you’re not doing anyone any good on dry land. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/33 "2014-03-25T22:24:01Z")
> [@Charlie\_Wayne](#): > > IMO, the best credentials that anyone could have would be that they never chose to call themselves “El Kabong”. OK, so you’re just another common-or-garden troll, then. Got it. Have a nice, short stay here. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/34 "2014-03-25T22:30:50Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > OK, so you’re just another common-or-garden troll, then. Got it. That much has been obvious since he got here. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/35 "2014-03-25T22:52:01Z")
> [@Charlie\_Wayne](#): > > I picked this one owing to the small amount of satire. Here’s how much your post sucked: I thought you were satirizing Rumsfeld and doing a terrible job of it. Looking back at some of your other posts I guess you actually thought you were scoring points on Obama, and you did a terrible job of that. That makes this one of the most incompetent threads I’ve ever seen here. ---
**Author:** ![Wash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9dc877/32.png) [@Wash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wash)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/36 "2014-03-25T23:02:57Z")
> [@Charlie\_Wayne](#): > > P.S. I couldn’t decide whether to post this in the IMHO forum or in this one. I picked this one owing to the small amount of **satire**. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. > [@](#): > > I’m kind of disappointed at just how often I seem to be wrong lately. Get used to disappointment. Gosh, The Princess Bride is just so damned quotable! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/37 "2014-03-25T23:32:22Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > I Don’t know why anyone would listen to Rumsfield about anything. Especially national defense. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/38 "2014-03-25T23:35:11Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > I thought Rumsfeld was dead. Since 1998, actually. Some guys are slow to catch on. Don’t tell him, it would just get all Valdemarian and stinky. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/39 "2014-03-25T23:40:15Z")
> [@Twoflower](#): > > This would be the same Donald Rumsfeld who oversaw letting Bin Laden escape from Tora Bora, abandoned Afghanistan to chaos before completing the mission, and masterminded the disastrous, dishonest invasion of Iraq? _That_ Donald Rumsfeld?? Wonder how a trained ape would have managed those wars… Simulations run at the Primate Research Institute indicate that Koko would have prioritized planning to seal Afghanistan’s borders even before committing aid to the Northern Alliance; and, he would have insisted on making it a multinational war with most if not all NATO members contributing some forces – but only on the understanding that they also would have to remain to participate in the postwar nation-building process (share the credit if it succeeds, share the blame if it fails); but at that point he would have been distracted by a dirty look from Bonzo and started flinging his feces. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547/40 "2014-03-25T23:56:35Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > I Don’t know why anyone would listen to Rumsfield about anything. I agree… it’s not like Rumsfeld came out of the Iraq War looking like someone who can manage a war either. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rumsfield-claims-a-trained-ape-could-manage-war-better-than-obama/684547.md?page=3)