# Russian PROBLEM CHILD sent HOME ALONE: thoughts? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 10, 2010, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649 "2010-04-10T16:49:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/41 "2010-04-11T05:26:47Z")
… I guess I’m a horrible person. I’d be scared shitless if I adopted a child and he turned out to be a psycho. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/42 "2010-04-11T06:26:42Z")
She should have definitely found a less shady way of dealing with this. But I don’t really blame her too much. If she had gone to the orphanage and they told her “We’d like you to adopt a child that will probably never love you and might indeed fixate on murdering you. This child will require a lifetime of extremely expensive treatment. When this child is young they will threaten you and perform small dangerous acts. As the child moves into the teenage year, they will find ways to psychologically torture you and physically hurt or kill you.” she probably would have decided that was something she could not handle. Is it really that different that- due to deceit- she discovered this slightly afterwards? The substance is the same, only the timing is different. Given the magnitude of the situation, is it really THAT much worse that she figured this out so late? I recognize that it is difficult for the kid, but would anyone really be served by her taking him in, probably pretty immediately sending him to a residential therapy program, and probably spending the rest of her life struggling to support treatment for a child who will never do anything but endanger her? Sure on some cosmic scale maybe that is justice. But these are real peoples’ lives we are speculating about. ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/43 "2010-04-11T07:40:48Z")
> [@](#): > > If a child is adopted as an infant or in early childhood it can be perfectly healthy by all appearances but later develop a serious mental or physical illness (or for that matter be run over by a van or burned in a fire) that requires round the clock care and dominates the family life. I have even heard of families who had to give back a foster child or adopted child they loved (before the adoption was final) because they could not provide- either financially or timewise- the care the child needed. Yes. This. Sure it feels good to say " the kid needs to be with a FAMILY!" And that families can handle any and everything. I’m sorry, but there ARE quite a lot of situtions where it’s just too much for families to handle. ---
**Author:** ![Mesquite-oh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@Mesquite-oh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mesquite-oh)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/44 "2010-04-11T08:14:11Z")
I have worked with adoption breakdowns as part of my work with a residential treatment center for kids. There are a couple of common scenarios: 1. Well meaning parent/s adopt a kid from the state that they knew was troubled but thought that they could handle and they want to get him treatment and get him back. The state will pay for treatment for up to a year (at 4g per month). If the kid has moderately bad issues and the parent shows a committment, things can turn out ok. 2. Nutty parent/s adopt kid with issues, state pays for care, things fall apart, the state may threaten the parents, but eventually the kid gets back into the system. 3. Parent adopts a kid that has such signficant issues that he is a danger to himself and others and there is little hope of the kid getting better anytime soon. The parents are afraid of the child and are desperate to protect their homes and families. The state will eventually take the kid over. While kids adopted through the state have the state’s treatment support built into the post adoption process, international adoptions don’t seem to have that luxury. I have seen adoptive parents refuse to pick up the kids from the mental hospital. When that happens, the state comes in and tries to force the parent to take the kid back. If they don’t, the state files abandonment charges. Some parents would rather have that than live through having the kid in their homes. Out of desperation, they know that is the only way that they are going to be safe and the kid is going to get help. Maybe turning the kid over to child protective and taking the charge would have been a better option in this scenario. ---
**Author:** ![Obsidian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/51bf81/32.png) [@Obsidian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obsidian)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/45 "2010-04-11T21:59:15Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > We don’t know what the truth is in this case yet, but [here’s a case from 2008](http://www.browardpalmbeach.com/2008-06-26/news/to-hug-a-porcupine/1) that shows what can happen when things go wrong. A Florida couple adopted three brothers, not knowing they had been horribly abused, and eventually had to reliquish them 10 years later in fear for their lives. As the oldest of the boys nears age eighteen, they have considered going into hiding for their protection. I’m horrified by that story. I can’t believe those parents feel anything other than hate towards those boys. That’s an immense amount of evil. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/46 "2010-04-11T22:17:22Z")
Holy shit. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/47 "2010-04-11T22:22:45Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > We don’t know what the truth is in this case yet, but [here’s a case from 2008](http://www.browardpalmbeach.com/2008-06-26/news/to-hug-a-porcupine/1) that shows what can happen when things go wrong. A Florida couple adopted three brothers, not knowing they had been horribly abused, and eventually had to reliquish them 10 years later in fear for their lives. As the oldest of the boys nears age eighteen, they have considered going into hiding for their protection. I had never heard of that case and can’t imagine the horror of trying to parent these kids. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/48 "2010-04-11T22:35:20Z")
No “Orphan” references? Especially considering where the kid’s from? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/49 "2010-04-11T22:42:22Z")
Yeah, the more I think about it, the less I hate the people from the OP. They were scared and went to their lawyer for help. If my lawyer told me to send a child home to Russia (not to be abandoned, but to be picked up there and returned to the orphanage) when I was terrified of the little psycho, I’d almost definitely listen to his advice. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/50 "2010-04-11T22:48:50Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > We don’t know what the truth is in this case yet, but [here’s a case from 2008](http://www.browardpalmbeach.com/2008-06-26/news/to-hug-a-porcupine/1) that shows what can happen when things go wrong. A Florida couple adopted three brothers, not knowing they had been horribly abused, and eventually had to reliquish them 10 years later in fear for their lives. As the oldest of the boys nears age eighteen, they have considered going into hiding for their protection. Wow. I thought I was jaded enough but after I read that…wow. I mean, I know these kids were severely abused early on, but what they became…whoa. They just seem like forces of pure destruction. ---
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/51 "2010-04-12T03:20:15Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > We don’t know what the truth is in this case yet, but [here’s a case from 2008](http://www.browardpalmbeach.com/2008-06-26/news/to-hug-a-porcupine/1) that shows what can happen when things go wrong. A Florida couple adopted three brothers, not knowing they had been horribly abused, and eventually had to reliquish them 10 years later in fear for their lives. As the oldest of the boys nears age eighteen, they have considered going into hiding for their protection. Shit. That sounds like the makings of a horror film. Howabout this sentence: > [@](#): > > They enrolled Matthew in a military-style academy, but he was sent home, declared a danger to officers… Damn. ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/52 "2010-04-12T03:30:34Z")
Once you adopt a child it is your child. She should be up on child abandonment charges. If she followed protocol that would be different but she did not. In the US many people have problem children and you can’t put them in an orphanage anymore. People have tried to get their abusive children removed from the home but the only reason you can get them taken is if they threaten to kill you. At that point with a police escort the child goes to a hospital for a psyche evaluation. After that you go before the judge and it is up to the judge if the child is deemed dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/53 "2010-04-12T04:02:11Z")
Wow, :eek::(. That was much worse than I thought it would be. I can’t be the only one thinking “Gee, the baby that was suffocated was the lucky one”. The oldest is 18 by now; so he’s probally out on the streets. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/54 "2010-04-12T06:35:17Z")
> [@joebuck20](#): > > Shit. That sounds like the makings of a horror film. > Howabout this sentence: > > _They enrolled Matthew in a military-style academy, but he was sent home, declared a danger to officers…_ > > Damn. Later that year he molested a priest. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/55 "2010-04-12T06:58:45Z")
The town I used to live in had a lot of people adopting kids. Where the kids came from seemed to change with time. In the early 1980s it was Korea - and about now employers are going to be surprised when Korean girls come walking in with good Irish names. They turned out fine. But after that it was Columbia and American Indian reservations, and almost all the kids had major problems by the time they were 16, despite therapy and practically perfect home environments. We left before the Russian wave started. So, while this woman handled it all wrong, I have some sympathy. Perhaps stopping adoptions is a good thing coming out of this. Maybe there will be a push to increase adoptions within Russia which will be less stressful to the kids, and maybe the government could pay for therapy to help keep their kids at home. No country should export children. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/56 "2010-04-12T11:12:08Z")
[More on the story.](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1264744/American-sends-adopted-Russian-boy-behavioural-problems.html) Also, I was watching the news yesterday, where they showed the large compound the family lived in. School officials apparently confirmed that neither he nor their other adopted son were on the school records. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/57 "2010-04-12T15:01:09Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > The first thing I thought was: _OH GOD! Another Tennessean pulling stupid s#^t like this!_:smack: > > And then, I saw she graduated from my Alma Mater.:smack::smack: > > Somebody lend me a club, so I can beat myself to death. Don’t feel too bad - at least you don’t live in Virginia! :😊: ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/58 "2010-04-12T15:14:33Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > The manner in which she sent him “home” (alone on an international flight) I flew alone (or with mys sister) on international flights many times starting at the age of about 5. It’s no big deal, but the air stewards are way nicer to you than when you’re with your parents. But who the hell did she hire to pick up the kid? And what kind of credentials did that guy have? Note: a friend of mine did a couple movies when he was a kid, and there was a “guy hired to pick him up at the airport” on more than a few occasions whe, yes, he flew alone on an international flight. In that case the guy worked for the film studio and was formally my friend’s legal guardian whenever he was on a film set and neither of his parents could be there. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/59 "2010-04-12T15:17:26Z")
> [@Perciful](#): > > People have tried to get their abusive children removed from the home but the only reason you can get them taken is if they threaten to kill you. At that point with a police escort the child goes to a hospital for a psyche evaluation. Didn’t some poster here on the boards have a long thread about how his son was armed and tried to kill his mom and part of the big scariness of it all was that they _couldn’t_ get him committed? It was due to insurance issues or something. I thought they had to bring him home. Does anyone remember this? ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649/60 "2010-04-12T15:22:55Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > [More on the story.](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1264744/American-sends-adopted-Russian-boy-behavioural-problems.html) Also, I was watching the news yesterday, where they showed the large compound the family lived in. It’s always bad news when a family lives in a “compound”. Has there ever been a positive news story about someone who lives in a compound? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russian-problem-child-sent-home-alone-thoughts/535649.md?page=4)