# Russians invite the U.S. to a tank biathlon **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 12, 2013, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001 "2013-08-12T03:51:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/1 "2013-08-12T03:51:45Z")
> **[Russia Invites U.S. To A 'Tank Biathlon'](https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2013/08/10/210837966/russia-invites-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon)** > > This week's U.S.-Russia talks in Washington were intended to relieve some of the tension between the two countries, so the suggestion of a little friendly competition — under fire — wasn't out of place. I’d pay to see that… from a safe distance, mind you. But won’t NATO and the Israelis want an invite, too? ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/2 "2013-08-12T04:07:55Z")
Well that certainly sounds interesting. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/3 "2013-08-12T04:28:23Z")
Well the US is NATO. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/4 "2013-08-12T04:29:25Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > Well the US is NATO. Part of… but not the whole thing. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/5 "2013-08-12T04:31:33Z")
I guess they can have submarine races next. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/6 "2013-08-12T05:02:56Z")
Oh Hell Yeah. Something like that could draw monster ratings, or do it on PPV for charity. Have a preliminary round among our Army & Marines as a qualifier. Maybe even turn it into a world level event during that awful time between the Superbowl and the NFL draft… ---
**Author:** ![Glazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a88e57/32.png) [@Glazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glazer)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/7 "2013-08-12T05:22:44Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > I guess they can have submarine races next. With subs you play hide and seek. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/8 "2013-08-12T05:58:27Z")
I still can’t see how it becomes a biathlon. No mention of the tanks swimming 6 miles and then switching to racing bikes. There’s just a 20-km stretch and then it got boring. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/9 "2013-08-12T07:37:19Z")
Everyone knows Russian tanks are superior anyway. I mean, didn’t we meet our teacher at the bank with a loaded Russian tank? I suppose we could have met her with a loaded American tank, but that didn’t scan. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/10 "2013-08-12T07:44:47Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > I guess they can have submarine races next. I brought my girlfriend to those, once. They were really fucking boring. We made out, instead of bothering to watch. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/11 "2013-08-12T09:03:46Z")
> [@the\_diego](#): > > I still can’t see how it becomes a biathlon. No mention of the tanks swimming 6 miles and then switching to racing bikes. There’s just a 20-km stretch and then it got boring. The Winter Olympics have a biathlon of skiing and shooting. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/12 "2013-08-12T10:42:10Z")
I say load the tanks with paintball loads and just let them go at it in some neutral arena, like Germany. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/13 "2013-08-12T12:16:46Z")
Sounds like fun. But yeah, make it a tournament. May I suggest for a site, the Ardennes for the semifinals and Kursk for the gold? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/14 "2013-08-12T13:31:48Z")
Sounds like a stunt to sell more T-90s to foreign customers. The Russians aren’t buying any more themselves because they’re waiting for their [fourth generation MBT](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Universal_Combat_Platform_T-99). ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/15 "2013-08-12T14:22:18Z")
Interesting challenge, clearly intended to get the invitee to reveal its tank’s full capabilities. Smart move: accept the invite, and instruct the crew to keep the Abrams below 40 mph, don’t fire at anything further than 1km, and don’t fire at anything while moving. Also, feign noob skillz and multiple systems failures. “Dang, Russia. Looks like your gear is superior alrighty.” ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/16 "2013-08-12T14:30:08Z")
Why bother? The Abrams has been deployed in combat eleventy billion times. The Russians already know everything it can do, and that certainly includes its top speed. Nothing about its problematic gas turbine powerplant is classified. ---
**Author:** ![rogerbox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/76d3ee/32.png) [@rogerbox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rogerbox)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/17 "2013-08-12T15:16:51Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Why bother? The Abrams has been deployed in combat eleventy billion times. The Russians already know everything it can do, and that certainly includes its top speed. Nothing about its problematic gas turbine powerplant is classified. It’s surely more of a simmer down now move than a true war game exercise isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/18 "2013-08-12T15:19:48Z")
Winner gets Edward Snowden! Would be interesting to see a multi-nation tanklympics. 100m dash from a cold start, precision shooting, marathon, long jump (granted you’d need a ramp for the last one). Wonder which would win in a Sumo contest… It is a shame they didn’t invite other NATO members as I reckon our own Challenger II would give them a run for their money. Germany’s Leopard 2 is no slouch either. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/19 "2013-08-12T15:21:34Z")
What next-Laser Tag World War III Championship? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/20 "2013-08-12T15:27:52Z")
It’s all good fun 'til somebody gets a laser rangefinder poked out. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001.md?page=2)