# Russians invite the U.S. to a tank biathlon **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 12, 2013, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001 "2013-08-12T03:51:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RyJae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9d8465/32.png) [@RyJae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RyJae)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/21 "2013-08-12T16:07:24Z")
I would have loved this in my 19kilo days! Quickest repair of a thrown track GO! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/22 "2013-08-12T16:25:55Z")
> [@Mr.Kobayashi](#): > > Would be interesting to see a multi-nation tanklympics. 100m dash from a cold start, precision shooting, marathon, long jump (granted you’d need a ramp for the last one). Wonder which would win in a Sumo contest… We actually had [something like that](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_Army_Trophy) until 1991. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/23 "2013-08-12T18:43:08Z")
Will these be “stock” tanks or specially tricked-out tanks? 🙂 What intrigues me is not just the Russian offer, but the reports that the US “accepted.” Maybe this will be fun. At the risk of a hijack (heh), when I first learned what the [Winter Olympic Biathlon](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biathlon) involved, I imagined terrorists from some desert climate randomly picking an event from the Olympic schedule and accidentally finding themselves attacking a Biathlon…floundering around in deep snow while the world’s best marksmen (or women!) picked them off. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/24 "2013-08-12T21:30:23Z")
I think what they should do is find a F1 track that’s going to be ripped up and relaid and do a few laps. I wonder how fast a Challenger goes round the Nurburgring? ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/25 "2013-08-12T21:38:32Z")
So would a Mk XX Bolo be considered the equivalant of doping? ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/26 "2013-08-12T21:40:42Z")
Hmm, don’t advanced auto-targeting systems kinda take a bit of sport out of it? ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/27 "2013-08-12T22:08:31Z")
They totally need to find a few hundred uninhabited square miles and do a remote controll live version of Atari Tank with live fire. Tell me you wouldn’t dish out to see that on pay-per-view! ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/28 "2013-08-12T22:33:20Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Why bother? The Abrams has been deployed in combat eleventy billion times. The Russians already know everything it can do, and that certainly includes its top speed. Nothing about its problematic gas turbine powerplant is classified. That’s just the ones we deploy against 3rd world combatants. The good stuff has yet to be deployed officially. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/29 "2013-08-12T23:01:08Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > I think what they should do is find a F1 track that’s going to be ripped up and relaid and do a few laps. > > I wonder how fast a Challenger goes round the Nurburgring? Now, there’s a Top Gear episode waiting to happen. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/30 "2013-08-13T01:22:20Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > The good stuff has yet to be deployed officially. 😉 We’re saving the good stuff for use on actual, live Russians. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/31 "2013-08-13T01:49:15Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > Will these be “stock” tanks or specially tricked-out tanks? 🙂 Lowered suspension, flame paint work & a spoiler on the back. Awesome. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/32 "2013-08-13T11:46:41Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Now, there’s a Top Gear episode waiting to happen. Write to them and suggest it? It really does sound like something they would love to do. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/33 "2013-08-13T12:14:02Z")
“Today on Top Gear we’ll be testing MBTs: Main Battle Tanks. James May will be driving a Russian T-90, Richard Hammond will be driving an American M-1 Abrams, and Jeremy Clarkson will be driving the Challenger 2. To make the contest fair, all tanks must keep firing until the the other tanks are completely disabled or all of the surrounding city has been knocked flat.” \*_cue picture of tanks_ \* “By popular demand, today’s test area will be: the City of [Lurgen](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lurgan)…” **cue Top Gear intro theme** ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/34 "2013-08-13T12:21:51Z")
The episode will naturally feature The Stig’s German cousin, _Das Panzerstig_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/35 "2013-08-13T12:35:16Z")
some throw away lines: Richard Hammond: “There’s nothing quite like riding in an M-1… ON the M-1…” Jeremy Clarkson: “Challenger 2: Just look at the sleek style and handling! And… unlike the Lamborghini, you can drive this to the restaurant with Absolutely No Fear… of someone stealing it…” James May: “Ah…! A ride that Putin can only dream of…! The A-3 might be a little tight for a tank of this size and we almost had a problem getting around the Emmanuel Church circle. Luckily our engineers have devised a rather ingenious solution…” _ **Ka-Blamm…!** _ ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/36 "2013-08-13T13:45:40Z")
Proposal: The competition is held in an uninhabited neighborhood of Detroit. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/37 "2013-08-13T14:18:57Z")
Are there habited neighborhoods of Detroit? ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/38 "2013-08-13T14:28:53Z")
Well, **RNATB** took the cheap shot at Detroit that I was going to, so I’ll just say that I’m curious about the whole thing. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/39 "2013-08-13T14:33:00Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Oh Hell Yeah. Something like that could draw monster ratings, or do it on PPV for charity. Have a preliminary round among our Army & Marines as a qualifier. Maybe even turn it into a world level event during that awful time between the Superbowl and the NFL draft… You know, much is made of the Air Force vs. Navy aviator rivalry, but I never see the Army vs. Marines armor rivalry mentioned. If there is one, I’ve never heard about it. As much as I hate to say it, I’m pretty sure Army would win. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001/40 "2013-08-13T14:46:59Z")
The Marines and Army use basically identical Abrams, don’t they? The only real difference is going to be in operational doctrine; I assume the Marines largely train for amphibious assault and situations where they are outnumbered, while the Army trains for large scale battles and urban combat and stuff. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russians-invite-the-u-s-to-a-tank-biathlon/666001.md?page=3)