# Sad news from the North Pole **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 25, 2012, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132 "2012-12-25T19:41:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/1 "2012-12-25T19:41:41Z")
Santa’s wife beat him up and has filed for divorce. She caught him sneaking out of the Ho-Ho Ho House. Merry Christmas, fellow Dopers! ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/2 "2012-12-25T19:55:25Z")
I ho-ho-hope you’ll all have a very happy ho-liday. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/3 "2012-12-25T20:32:17Z")
I thought Santa only came once a year. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/4 "2012-12-25T23:15:13Z")
It’s his own fault, really. He’s become way too predictable. All she had to do to catch him was keep an eye on the chimney. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/5 "2012-12-25T23:30:43Z")
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic. Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes. What’s red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas? Sandy Claws. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? Ribbon hood. ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/6 "2012-12-25T23:34:03Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > I thought Santa only came once a year. But when he does come, he’s gonna fill your stockings Si ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2012, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/7 "2012-12-26T09:20:12Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? > Claustrophobic. > > Why does Santa have 3 gardens? > So he can ho-ho-ho. > > Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? > Because he had low elf esteem. > > What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? > Frostbite. > > What do snowmen eat for breakfast? > Snowflakes. > > What’s red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas? > Sandy Claws. > > What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? > Ribbon hood. Who falls down the chimney on Christmas Eve with a sack of broken toys? Santa Klutz. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2012, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/8 "2012-12-26T09:56:40Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > I thought Santa only came once a year. That’s nothing – Jesus came once, and 2000 years later we’re all still waiting for him to come again! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/9 "2012-12-26T14:48:17Z")
This type of humor sleighs me. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2012, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/10 "2012-12-26T14:53:38Z")
> [@Noone\_Special](#): > > That’s nothing – Jesus came once, and 2000 years later we’re all still waiting for him to come again! There’s edging and then…there’s EDGING… ---
**Author:** ![Valteron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f17d59/32.png) [@Valteron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valteron)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2012, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/11 "2012-12-27T21:25:25Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > I thought Santa only came once a year. And when he does, he shoots up the chimney! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2012, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/12 "2012-12-27T21:44:23Z")
Santa goes all around the world in one night, finding every house…but people are always asking me if I found Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![Valteron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f17d59/32.png) [@Valteron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valteron)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2012, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sad-news-from-the-north-pole/645132/13 "2012-12-27T23:59:05Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Santa goes all around the world in one night, finding every house…but people are always asking me if I found Jesus. My answer is always “I didn’t know he was missing!”