# Saddam for a day **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [December 9, 2002, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439 "2002-12-09T04:15:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/1 "2002-12-09T04:15:43Z")
You are Saddam Hussein. You have issued a 12,000 page document denying you have WMD. You have allowed inspectors who have found no WMD. You have pretty much run out of ways to prove the negative, but the world doesn’t believe you, and your country is about to get creamed “because you have WMD”. What should you do now? I am particularly interested in the responses of the hawks. Remember, you are Saddam for the day. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/2 "2002-12-09T04:26:04Z")
I don’t believe Iraq is about to “be creamed for having WMD”. As long as Saddam lets the inspectors go where they want to go and as long as they don’t find any unreported WMD there is no basis for the opposition to attack. As long as he stays the way he is he won’t be attacked. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/3 "2002-12-09T04:32:59Z")
You may or may not be correct, clayton\_e, but certainly all analysis that I have read suggests you are wrong. Either way, you aren’t playing my game;) _Assuming_ the circumstances of the OP, what would you do? ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/4 "2002-12-09T04:46:34Z")
I would negotiate through back channels for a surplus russian nuke, which I would then document at around page 9,273 of the declaration. When the UN inspectors ask about it, I’d surrender the weapon and assure them that, as stated in the declaration, it is the only WMD that I possess. It’d be a great way to promote goodwill and establish the veracity of my other WMD claims. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/5 "2002-12-09T04:50:21Z")
Ah, poor poor Saddam. Y’know, the poor man is really just misunderstood, you know? If only the Americans would give him a chance to show how much he cares… ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/6 "2002-12-09T05:04:39Z")
**Squink** : As a result of your actions, the Bush administration points out firstly that if you can obtain a surplus nuke once you can do it again, and secondly that given your past record, your claim that you only have one nuke has no credibility and thirdly that your mention of it only on p9,273 was clearly an attempt to hide it and if you’d been attempting to be “up front” you would have drawn more attention to it. The world takes fright at your admitted ability to obtain nuclear weapons. **Squink** is now a greasy stain. Game over. **Lemur866** stop feeling sorry for yourself, and tell us what you are going to **do**. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/7 "2002-12-09T06:01:38Z")
It’s all in the presentation Princhester. I may actually have done the world a great favor by for example outbidding al Qaeda for this “long lost” backpack nuke. With a properly constructed background story I can convince many nations that I’m acting in good faith. At that point it doesn’t matter what scare story el-shrubbo dreams up to besmirch my good name. No one will believe it, and he’ll not get the international backing he needs to invade without fear of electoral consequences. Bush ends up looking the fool, and I, after accepting the thanks of the grateful Saudi royalty (having convinced them that they were the target of al Qaeda’s dastardly nuke plot) can retire to my palaces and watch endless petrodollars flow across open borders and into my bank accounts… Life is good ! -But this is just an invlved way of saying that I (not Saddam) expect that there’ll be some interesting surprises, both factual and political, in the weapons declaration. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/8 "2002-12-09T06:21:58Z")
Well OK **Squink** , I’ll give you a second chance. The Bush administration points out that your links to the blackmarket in WMD are now proven. They suggest (very plausibly, if I may say so) that your story has all the credibility of a child’s lie, and that you dreamed up the whole “out-bidding al Queda” story as a pathetic attempt to explain away your possession of an illicit nuke, while attempting to ingratiate yourself to the world. Preparations for war continue. Next move? ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/9 "2002-12-09T14:35:36Z")
Ah, but with my demonstrated good will, I have gained credibility that Bush’s accusations can never have; unless he is willing to release highly classified information on exactly what the US knows about the black market for nuclear devices. Bush would _never_ “compromise national security” like that. There’s no reason for me to attempt to convince the great satan of my virtue. All I need do is convince everyone else that the Americans are being crazy again. With the facts and the evidence on my side, plus Bush’s unpopular stances on Kyoto, ABM, the Biological and Chemical weapons treaty, etc. etc. that shouldn’t be too tough a sell. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/10 "2002-12-09T14:49:36Z")
Why on earth did it take 12,000 pages? ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/11 "2002-12-09T15:20:15Z")
Has it ever been positively stated that if Iraq admits to a WMD, they will not be immediately attacked? Squink-as-Saddam would be erased before the public even knew about the admission, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/12 "2002-12-09T15:26:45Z")
I donno…I guess I would go gas some Kurds, murder a couple of political rivals and rape and pillage a few of my neighbors. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/13 "2002-12-09T15:34:56Z")
For a day? I would sell my palaces, and give all the money to my citizens. Imagine the Public realtions coup That would be! ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/14 "2002-12-09T16:12:48Z")
> [@](#): > > Has it ever been positively stated that if Iraq admits to a WMD, they will not be immediately attacked? No, however everyone already knows that Iraq HAD and used WMD, and that the disarmament process was not complete in 98. If that were war-worthy, then the UN’s resolution would have been a carte blanche for US agression. Last I heard tell, that’s not a common intepretation. Why 12,000 pages ? That’s because Iraq is a world leader in current good manufacturing practices (cGMP) and ISO-9002 manufacture of WMD. 😉 That generates a lot of paperwork ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/15 "2002-12-09T17:35:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vanilla \* > \*\*Why on earth did it take 12,000 pages? \*\* Irak was supposed to provide infos not only about WMD, but also about facilities or materials which could be used to produce such weapons and about facilities which use materials which could be used to produce WMD instead. For instance, a lot of chemical or pharmaceutical plants would use products which can also be used to create chemical/bio weapons. It necessarily results in a big deal of informations having to be released. Irak complained that it was a nearly impossible task in so short a time. And many people agreed that indeed it was, even assuming that Saddam Hussein would be full of good will. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/16 "2002-12-09T19:11:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vanilla \* > \*\*For a day? > I would sell my palaces, and give all the money to my citizens. > Imagine the Public realtions coup That would be! \*\* Interesting idea but exactly who would you sell them to? IIWSH for a day I’d take yoga classes so I might be flexible enough to kiss my own ass goodbye. Of course the real SH has lackeys to do that for him. ---
**Author:** ![Soup\_du\_jour](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Soup\_du\_jour](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soup_du_jour)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/17 "2002-12-09T19:28:15Z")
I’d stop being an opressive dictator. I would step down and hold free and fair elections for the sake of avoiding war. I would unequivocally surrender, as doing anything else would get me stomped. I’ll do all this after I do **vanilla** ’s stuff, of course. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Jonmarzie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jonmarzie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonmarzie)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/18 "2002-12-09T19:33:15Z")
> [@](#): > > _Padeye said:_\*\* > Interesting idea but exactly who would you sell them to?\*\* I’m sure some rich Saudi Arabian oilmen would buy them, or perhaps someone with links in Saudi construction. 😃 What I might do is use my vast fortune to create low to middle income housing for the displaced folks on the property of my palaces, which have been sold or made into apartments, perhaps some homeless shelters. I would stop giving money to the families of suicide bombers in Israel. I would give money to the families of the people I’ve slaughtered over the years. I would promote free and fair elections in Iraq, and mean it this time. One can wish, can’t one? ---
**Author:** ![Dragline](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/edb3f5/32.png) [@Dragline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragline)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/19 "2002-12-09T20:08:33Z")
Assuming I had a couple of working nukes, I (Saddam, not me) would smuggle one into the US or Britain, and stash it in a warehouse in a major city. Then I would call a press conference, giving details about the device, where it is, when it is set to go off, and how to disarm it. I would then say I have several more. Now leave me the hell alone, dammit. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2002, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439/20 "2002-12-09T20:30:44Z")
If I were Saddam, I would inform Princhester that I haven’t been trying to “prove a negative”. 😉 The number of WsMD I have is zero. No negations in that. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddam-for-a-day/141439.md?page=2)