# Saddest Onion article ever **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 8, 2012, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172 "2012-03-08T17:47:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/1 "2012-03-08T17:47:35Z")
As I read it, I sorta wanted to laugh with a knowing recognition, and sorta wanted to cry…with a knowing recognition. [Saddest Onion article of all time.](http://www.theonion.com/articles/best-part-of-gay-12yearolds-day-half-hour-spent-ea,27547/) ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/2 "2012-03-08T17:56:09Z")
Wow. And sadly it’s a real story played out in schools throughout the world. (Well, except Iran.) ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/3 "2012-03-08T17:59:30Z")
I’m not even gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but that story still hit the nail on the head for painful high school experiences. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/4 "2012-03-08T18:41:00Z")
Weirdly enough, [this Onion article](http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-refuses-to-read-headline-beyond-words-4year,27379/) sums up how I feel about the OP’s. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/5 "2012-03-08T18:48:54Z")
Yup (to the OP, and to **The Man With The Golden Gun** ). ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/6 "2012-03-08T19:01:09Z")
Huh–I \*wish \*they’d let me eat alone in the staircase! Best part of \*my \*day was those few recesses when a sympathetic teacher would let me stay inside and look at old magazines in the cloak room instead of going outside to get beat up. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/7 "2012-03-08T19:42:26Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > I’m not even gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but that story still hit the nail on the head for painful high school experiences. Exactly. It’s not just the gay kids who suffer this treatment. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/8 "2012-03-08T22:51:31Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > Exactly. It’s not just the gay kids who suffer this treatment. Well, quite. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/9 "2012-03-08T23:02:22Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Well, quite. As bad as I had it in high school, one “gay” kid had it worse. (I use quotes because I don’t know if he was actually gay.) ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/10 "2012-03-08T23:06:37Z")
Ugh, lunchroom jockeying was always my least favorite part of high school. I skipped lunch most of the time, until we got a new band director who let us eat lunch in the instrument room. That was nice. ---
**Author:** ![dzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dzero)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/11 "2012-03-08T23:19:08Z")
IDK. I \*\*\*was \*\*\*that kid and it wasn’t so bad. I wasn’t gay, but I was definitely somewhat ambiguous. Being left alone is far better than being the center of negative attention. In fact it’s hard for me to remember a time when I didn’t affirmatively prefer being on my own. Of course I was always an outcast since I was never properly socialized for a variety of reasons. I guess it’s a little like being born blind. You know that other people are different and maybe even “better” in some sense, but it never rises much beyond the level of an intellectual curiosity. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Hen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@Small\_Hen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Hen)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/12 "2012-03-09T00:05:20Z")
> [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](#): > > Weirdly enough, [this Onion article](http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-refuses-to-read-headline-beyond-words-4year,27379/) sums up how I feel about the OP’s. With you on that. The headline basically made my stomach clench with sympathy, so there’s no way I’m going to read through an entire fake article on the subject. Kind of reminds me of one I read several years ago about a kidnapped boy in a basement dreaming about being rescued. It fucking tore me up. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/13 "2012-03-09T00:51:55Z")
[Puppy Bowl Marred By Tragic Spinal Injury](http://www.theonion.com/articles/puppy-bowl-marred-by-tragic-spinal-injury,19078/) was disturbing to me even though I am fully aware that it’s fictional. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/14 "2012-03-09T01:32:52Z")
hmmm I might bring this up at my next Scouts meeting to discuss what it is like to considered “different”. A well written and too true tale. Please note this is Australian Scouts not the homophobic American kind :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/15 "2012-03-09T02:25:40Z")
> [@dzero](#): > > IDK. I \*\*\*was \*\*\*that kid and it wasn’t so bad. I wasn’t gay, but I was definitely somewhat ambiguous. > > Being left alone is far better than being the center of negative attention. In fact it’s hard for me to remember a time when I didn’t affirmatively prefer being on my own. Of course I was always an outcast since I was never properly socialized for a variety of reasons. I guess it’s a little like being born blind. You know that other people are different and maybe even “better” in some sense, but it never rises much beyond the level of an intellectual curiosity. That reminds me of a Calvin and Hobbes strip that I can’t find right now. Calvin gets beaten up by the school bully and ends the strip by saying “I don’t care about being accepted. I’d settle for being ignored.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mighty\_Boosh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_mighty_boosh/32/1755_2.png) [@The\_Mighty\_Boosh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mighty_Boosh)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/16 "2012-03-09T02:35:41Z")
The saddest one I’ve read recently is this: > **[Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box](https://www.theonion.com/daddy-put-in-bye-bye-box-1819569708)** > > ITHACA, NY—After weeks of being sleepy all the time and never finishing his din-din at night, area daddy Howard Lewis was put in a bye-bye box early Monday morning so that he could go on a vacation with the birds and clouds in the sky. I can’t really see the point of it. What’s being satirised? ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/17 "2012-03-09T02:42:54Z")
> [@The\_Mighty\_Boosh](#): > > The saddest one I’ve read recently is this: > [http://www.theonion.com/articles/daddy-put-in-byebye-box,2411/](http://www.theonion.com/articles/daddy-put-in-byebye-box,2411/) > > I can’t really see the point of it. What’s being satirised? I just got something in my eye. Shut up! ---
**Author:** ![dzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dzero)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/18 "2012-03-09T02:46:48Z")
> [@The\_Mighty\_Boosh](#): > > The saddest one I’ve read recently is this: > [http://www.theonion.com/articles/daddy-put-in-byebye-box,2411/](http://www.theonion.com/articles/daddy-put-in-byebye-box,2411/) > > I can’t really see the point of it. What’s being satirised? I suppose posting here again is going to make me seem needy, but it’s sort of a weird coincidence. Almost exactly a year after surviving a severe case of encephalitis and spinal meningitis, my dad, at the age of 40, died of a massive coronary thrombosis. It’s a good thing I’m only mildly paranoid. Otherwise I might start wondering if maybe Cecil isn’t in bed with the NSA. If I start spending most of the night outside looking for black helicopters, I’m blaming SDMB. I hope you all will still be able to live with yourselves. 🆒 😉 😃 :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/19 "2012-03-09T02:47:45Z")
> [@The\_Mighty\_Boosh](#): > > The saddest one I’ve read recently is this: > [http://www.theonion.com/articles/daddy-put-in-byebye-box,2411/](http://www.theonion.com/articles/daddy-put-in-byebye-box,2411/) > > I can’t really see the point of it. What’s being satirised? Not everything in The Onion is political or cultural satire. A lot of it is just stuff you would never expect to see in a newspaper (like every “Area Man” story), or they’re written from perspectives that articles are not normally written from. That’s one of those. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172/20 "2012-03-09T07:25:42Z")
_"The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.”_ – **Mark Twain** [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saddest-onion-article-ever/615172.md?page=2)