Safe School, My Ass

The BBQ Pit
21

What fascinates me in both this thread and the one linked above are:

  1. The school “parent’s handbook” using the expression “shall” for the parent’s suggested avenue of recourse. I use the term “suggested” because, last I checked, the freaking school has exactly ZERO authority over the parent. You might want to include a polite comment or two about that in future correspondence and that you shall do what YOU deem best to benefit YOUR child and not to help the school cover their collective posterior.

  2. The very good advice given by one teacher (Number Six) compared against the arrogant “who the {expletive} do you, as a parent, think you are to tell me, the teacher, what to do in MY freaking classroom” attitude displayed by another teacher (Home of the Braves) in the linked thread. NOTE FOR THE HYPERSENSITVE: That is not a direct quote; I used the quote marks in the sense of a title for the attitude displayed.

Number Six’s comment:

reflects the reasoning I had in the advice I gave the OP in the linked thread to inform the school’s attorney. Come to think of it, I don’t think it really matters if you address the letter to the attorney or to the teacher, so long as the attorney is at least “courtesy copied/copy furnished.” If you’re going to let the school know you’re going to be a nuisance until they get their act together, the school might as well know you’re going to be one mighty expensive nuisance if they don’t get said act together. Oh, and don’t forget to include a timeline on when you expect them to have it together.

22

**

I’ve got 20/15 vision, but thanks for the tip anyway :rolleyes:. I read it. I stand by what I said, for reasons that you will see in a moment.

I agree here. However, in the case of her child it seems that the facts are more clear than they were in the O.P. In the case of MY child, the teacher freely admitted judging my child wrongly. It wasn’t at all a case of my child being a liar, or me being discourteous. The TEACHER was discourteous in calling my child a liar in front of the class. The teacher’s big blunder was telling me that my kid was making up lies, and I needed to address it, and THAT’S why we were all having that little sit-down. Really fucked up her day when I took out a photograph of me and the President of the United States, and handed it to her.

Sometime, kids don’t lie.

lee, I lived that life from the 4th grade to 10th grade. All but the rape. Same attitude, same parental responses. Didn’t do much to make me a happy adult. To whatever extent this may help, I sure feel that pain.

Cartooniverse

23

I teach at a private school in the UK. (My sister and my father work in the State system, which is underfunded).

Every child in my School has a teacher designated as their tutor. I give my phone number, e-mail and home address to all the parents of my tutees.
The School has an anti-bullying policy, drawn up by the pupils.

Recently one of my tutees (12 year old boy) sprayed breath freshener into the eyes of another boy. This was witnessed by another teacher, who came and told me immediately. I phoned his parents to let them know and was told:

  • he did it as a joke
  • air freshener isn’t a poison
  • there was a witch hunt against their son
  • other teachers was lying about their son

After my extensive investigation of various allegations, the parents apologised to me (and my colleagues), agreed ‘nothing should be sprayed into eyes’ and that their son had been foolish (nobody said it was bullying - it wasn’t repeated behaviour, and the two boys were good friends).

Another time parents called me ‘a liar who was engaged in a conspiracy to get their son kicked out of school’. I was told that he hated my teaching and wanted nothing more to do with me. They told the headmaster I wasn’t fit to work as a teacher.
Unfortunately for them the only time I had taught their son was in an after-school club, which he had attended voluntarily for 2 years. :rolleyes:
After the headmaster dismissed their complaint, they then asked if their son could rejoin my activity, since he enjoyed it so much. :rolleyes::rolleyes:
Needless to say, they never apologised.

Of course, I’m not saying many parents are like that. I just wanted to contrast my experience with Cartooniverse saying ‘Don’t deal with the teacher directly. He/she is on a power trip inside the walls of their classroom. Deal with their supervisor.’
That doesn’t apply to any teacher I know.

Teachers in my School keep in touch with each other about incidents (why else was e-mail invented?!). We learn to hear all sides of an incident before demanding punishments. (That includes allegations against teachers and pupils).

School should be a partnership between parents and teachers to give all kids a safe learning environment.

24

Whoops!

  • other teachers were lying about their son

(well it is 03.30 local time)

25

Well I’m only twenty, and I don’t have any children.
When I was a kid my dad told me to always stickup for myself, but try to settle arguements without fighting. Now my dad’s line of work had us moving at least once a year. Every new school I went to I ended up having to prove to someone they weren’t going to push me around so I’d flatin them. I suggest all parents teach their kids the same thing.

Although I moved to a new school when I was in 8th grade, being a new student again, I was sitting in band class as everyone was talking to me getting to know me when the teacher walked in and made some smart*ss coment, of coarse the new student who had to prove himself respond right back and an arguement ensued, which I got taken to the principals office.

Well two or three days later, the teacher started picking on me and cracking jokes about me not being able to play my instrument as well as the others. I again rebuttled him and made some comments about how I thought he was straight from the seventies the way he was dressed, which got a huge response from the class which just urged me further.

Finally he decided he had enough and took my instrument and threw it onto a shelf where we kept our instrument cases. I went over picked it back up and I said “watch what your doing dork” in the most hateful tone I could muster up. He then told me to step outside that he wanted to talk to me. I was like fine whatever. So we get out there and he starts yelling and cursing at me. He does give me the oportunity to go back in and sit at my seat until class is over. I glad said okay.

I go back in and before I make it to my seat I have to mock the teacher about how he walked behind his back, okay so I was a brat but still, anyway the teacher hears the class laughing and without seeing what I was doing turns around grabs my ear and starts to pull me to the office. He gets me just out of sight of the class so they couldn’t see the rest. Well I get loose then he starts grabing my arm and tightly squezes so of coarse I’m going to pull loose. I blurt out “bastard” because my arm hurt (i had a bruise on both arms and my ear was really swollen and red) at this point he pulls his hand back like he’s going to smack me, and still having my trombone in my hand so I whack him across the face, and run.

Well the teacher tells the principal a totally different story, and of coarse the principal believes the teacher and the school is going to press charges. So my dad is now thourghly P O’ed at this point after he hears their “story” argues with them for a couple days and they were still going to expell me, seeing no one else saw what happened. It was my word against his. Well my dad finally gives his lawyer buddy a call, we didn’t ever get him involved but my dad got the firms paper with their letter head across the top. Fun thing is after my dad sent them that letter, I was able to go right back to school the next day like nothing happened, and the band teacher was so nice to me even though I did have to quit band.

The reason for this lengthy story was basically to show you that maybe the school won’t listen to one or two angry parents but when you bring someone/something (layer/firm) into the picture things will happen for you fast.

People act more strongly on FEAR than any other feeling. That is why the little kid gives up his lunch money every day. That is why the school will listen to you and solve the problem if you make them afraid of you. Become the bully. Don’t make any idiol threat or try to bluff them unless you think you can pull it off.

I’d just go down there schedule a meeting with the principal and demand the kid be transferred to another class or whatever if your demands aren’t met, use the phone and call a lawyers office right there in front of the principal and schedule a time to meet with a lawyer. Of coarse the principal in “FEAR” of having the school sued is going to transfer the kid probably to another school district before you even get off the phone. (-:

hope all goes well though, keep us informed

26

Yo, Nick. I don’t understand jackass bully, so how about translating your post into some semblance of English and/or rationality?

27

I can translate it for you, Monty.

** Nicklz**:

I was a complete jerk, but I was able to get away with all the crap I dished out because my dad had a pit-bull lawyer that scared the administration.

** /Nicklz **

28

Yes, a good idea.

That makes it difficult for you, since you have to keep making a fresh start.

Yes, that will make the life easier for everyone.:rolleyes:
While you’re at it, why not teach kids to tease newcomers, so the newbies can practise their unarmed combat?

Well I think it’s best not to do that.

So teachers aren’t supposed ‘to prove themselves’, but it’s fine when you do it?

Yes, I can see how you’re the hero here.

Why on earth would anyone object to that?! :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Yes, violence in School is very wrong. (It takes a real man to avoid it.)

:wally

Ah! We need to work hard to eliminate bullying. Sense at last…

… or perhaps not

Yes, that’s how the teacher should have dealt with you.

29

That’s called fraud.

30

Very good point.

When I was in grade 1, I got into a very bad situation. I was on the bus going home. My friend Sara’s stop was before mine, and when she got off, I noticed that she’d forgotten her lunch box. Before the bus pulled away, I scampered up to the door and called, “Here’s your lunch box” or something like that. I tossed it out the door to her, and she moved up to catch it, but walked straight into its trajectory.

Gore. Blood. Wailing from her and from me.

Well, the bus driver reported this as my throwing it at her, not to her. I don’t remember the exact timeline, but later that day, or the next day, or on Saturday…? her dad came to our house. I had been living in fear in the interim, so I ran upstairs and hid. Years later, my mom told me he’d only been there to discuss insurance and how we would pay for her stitches; he didn’t blame me. But when I saw him get out of his car, I thought I was going to jail.

As well he might not have. She was my friend; she was one of my first friends! Ultimately, there was no bad blood, pardon the expression, between us or our families. But the bus driver’s condemnation, and my being banished to the front seat until he forgot the incident, put me through hell. Also, it would have been a good idea for Mr. D. to tell me face to face “You’re not in trouble”. But I guess since I was still allowed in their house, it was supposed to be implicit.

Anyway, that’s the kind of Rashomon thing that can happen in elementary.

31

Hey be fair, both Nicklz and the teacher were jackasses

32

But Nicklz is here bragging about how he got away with being a jackass. I haven’t seen the teacher’s side of the story.

33

This morning I met with the teacher and principal at the school to discuss the incident last week. My son, the other child, and his parents waited outside while I spoke with the teacher (we’ll call her Mrs. X) and Principal D.

Principal D read my letter to Mrs. X with me present. An excerpt of the conversation.
Principal D: Mrs. X, do you refute any of the claims Sheerah has made in this letter?
Mrs. X: No, she seems to have stated the events accurately.
(Meanwhile, I affect a slack-jawed, you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me stare.)
Principal D: Why did you not report this incident?
Mrs. X: Well, I didn’t think Ms. Sheerah’s son was hurt that badly (again, the stare) and you know how difficult (other child) is to control in the classroom.
Principal D: That does not excuse you from reporting this to the office.

The conversation then turns to me. I said I shall (yes, shall) be contacted if ever another incident like this occurs again. I will forward my letter, the exact same as Principal D held in his hands, to the board of education. Further, I will from now on document each and every instance of bullying or physical threats against my son and consider the respective teachers, administration, and school system responsible for such injuries occuring to my child while in the custody of the school system (including the bus). I remained firm in my resolve, yet calm and reasonable.

Then my child, the other child (we’ll call him ‘Z’) and his parents were brought into the conference room. Principal D asked Z if he remembered what happened last Wednesday. Z looked the principal square in the eye and said, “Yep. I smacked his face against the table. I don’t like him.” His parents seemed aghast. Principal D then asked Z if he realized his behavior violated the school code and what the punishments were for such an incident. Z said, “I don’t know and I don’t care. You can’t touch me. You’re not my parents.”

“Like hell they can’t,” screamed Z’s father. He then proceeded to rant and rave that Z’s mother is far too easy on the child and that he’d stand behind whatever punishment the school wished to instate. Z’s mother looked furious–at what her husband said.

The child was then given one-day in-school suspension.

One small victory for the little guy.

34

While I’m at it, I might as well say that I’m just about 92 percent sure that today’s conference was the first one ever with Z’s parents. From the reaction of the father, it seemed as if he had heard rumors, but had never been called to the school. It’s possible though, that Z’s mother has been called and hid the fact from the father. By her reaction, it seemed like she felt her child was the victim in the scenario, even though he owned up to it.

However, I doubt this conference will be the last for Mr. and Mrs. Z. When my son came home from school today he said that Z had damaged some ceiling tiles later in the afternoon by throwing pencils into them (they’re the type you see used in office buildings; kind of pre-fabricated cardboard with that lovely white-and-grey speckled look). My son said Z was called into the office again and that Z bragged to the class afterward that Principal D said Z’s parents would have to pay for the tiles’ replacement.

I’d venture to say that when their child’s behavior begins to hit them in the wallet, little Z will be walking a straighter line–at least at school.

And just so I’m not remiss in my manners, thank you all for posting. I’m now able to see this issue from many sides, not just mine and my son’s. I’m glad that I could vent my frustration here and not go into the school system with my phasars set on destroy for the administration and faculty. I will, however, continue to fight for the safety of our students in this little town regardless of whether that type of parental involvement is deemed worthy here.

35

Sheerah, I’m glad to hear that you were able to work things out. It’s amazing how much an honest, open conversation held in the spirit of cooperating to find a solution can help to resolve a situation such as this. Sometimes, the system does work. Good for you for giving it a nudge in the right direction.

36

What Number Six said.

37

What exactly is “in school suspension” and how effective is it?

38

In most districts, your child is placed in a room with a teacher. Sometimes there are OTHER Kids in the room at the same time, also “doing their time”. No speaking is allowed. Some schools permit the kids to do only schoolwork, others permit book reading in general. They sit all day.

To me, this is less of a waste of time than an at-home suspension- which is tantamount to an invitation to play Nintendo and hit the afternoon matinee.

In detention hall after school, ( at least in our public school district ) we were silent, and did not move, read or study. FOR 50 MINUTES. Gawd.

Sheerah, you handled it beautifully. Clearly your son was abused by a child who lives in a home where discipline is not meted out evenly- daddy doesn’t know what mommy knows about l’il peckerhead child. He is living with too much control over his own life, and will ultimately fail. Very sad. His parents need some help at least as much as he does. Your Principal sounds excellent.

Cartooniverse

39

In the elementary school my son attends, in-school suspension amounts to the child being pulled from classes the entire day and spending the school day in the principal’s office. Students who are given in-school suspension must complete classroom assignments (read mind-numblingly boring busy work) for all of their classes, eat with the principal (or the secretary if he has a meeting)and have no recess. This is an eight-hour punishment.

In most cases, the procedure is highly effective. The principal has no more than one child in his office for in-school at one time. If more children merit the discipline, then certain aides or substitutes are placed on a rotating basis and do the same with children in other parts of the school. I’ve never yet heard of two students having in-school together.

In my opinion, this form of discipline doesn’t just benefit the child. By having one particular child in their custody for eight hours straight alerts the principal/teachers/aides/etc. to potential behavior problems or problem children, to use a terribly, un-PC term.

And I completely agree with Cartooniverse, out-of-school suspension is simply an excuse to get the kid out of the classroom for a day, allowing him to participate in his favorite, at-home activities. The behavior isn’t corrected; it simply comes back the next day refreshed.