# \#safetytipsforladies TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 18, 2013, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985 "2013-04-18T00:17:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/41 "2013-04-19T07:51:32Z")
If you are inside a city, scream really loudly. If you are outside a city it doesn’t matter; it’s not your fault and you won’t be stoned, yay! (Thanks for the thread and the link **madrabbitwoman**.) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/42 "2013-04-19T09:59:37Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I think a lot of these patronizing platitudes and chestnuts of “wisdom” are proffered because people realize how hopeless it is to stop rape with a PSA campaign. You might as well run “Did you know? Rape is a crime! Don’t rape!”, its whistling past the graveyard. I don’t even think it is malicious. On a serious note, I think when people hear about how somebody was the victim of a crime or some other serious misfortune, they want to think of a reason why the victim did something wrong. It’s not a desire to blame the victim. It’s a desire to restore a sense of control and feel safe. If they can come up with a reason why the victim caused their own misfortune, they can reassure themselves that they wouldn’t have made the same mistake and so therefore that misfortune wouldn’t have fallen on them. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/43 "2013-04-19T14:23:57Z")
> [@madrabbitwoman](#): > > Reallife example. Someone once told me that when threatened with rape you should piss yerself and that would disgust mr rapey into leaving you alone. She ws dead serious. If i could > work out how to insert a roll eye smiley from my phone it would be here Yep, I was told this in school, in one of the many illuminating “how to not get raped” discussions we had. They told us that if someone was trying to rape us, that we should try to urinate, defecate, and/or vomit on them, and that would make them leave us alone. I felt that peeing and pooping on command might be tricky if I didn’t really have to go, so I spent some time trying to figure out how to stimulate my gag reflex without sticking my finger down my throat (because, of course, the guy might be restraining my arms). I was also told about always walking with your keys between your fingers, so you can use them as a weapon. I was concerned about the fact that at the time, I only had one key (for my house) and that wouldn’t be enough. I considered buying some blank keys to beef up my arsenal, but then decided they wouldn’t be very effective if they weren’t cut, so I gave up on that idea. Then, in another seminar a few years later, I was told that putting keys between your fingers is a _terrible_ idea, because it spreads your knuckles apart, and makes it much easier for them to be broken. Oh, and of course, if your keys are in your hand, your attacker can grab them, so that even if you can get away, you can’t get into your car or house, and he’ll just chase you down. So confusing! What to do? What to do? Among the many other things I was told, that I spent a lot of time thinking about and practicing: - When walking alone, _always_ keep your phone in your hand, with 9 and 1 already dialed, and your finger on the 1. I guess that has to go in the non-key-holding hand. - _Always_ carry mace or pepper spray, with your finger on the trigger. This goes in your third hand, I suppose. Also, _never_ carry mace or pepper spray, or a knife, gun, or any other weapon, because your attacker will probably be stronger than you, and will just take it away and use it on you. - If you’re being chased in a residential neighborhood, don’t be afraid to run up to a house and start banging on the door, even if you don’t know who lives there. This only works at night, when you can tell if there’s someone home by the lights on. If it’s during the day, just run from house to house and ring all the doorbells to get people’s attention. If there are a lot of cars along the street, you can also bang on them as you run by, to set off the alarms. Or, don’t do either of those things, because you’re just wasting time and slowing yourself down. Instead, scream at the top of your lungs. But not constantly, or you’ll get winded, especially while running. Try to stay calm, take deep breaths, and scream, “Fire!” at regular intervals. Don’t scream “Help!”; no one will respond. - If your attacker has a gun, do whatever he says. Nothing he can do to you is worth your life. Alternatively, run away as soon as you see a gun, because he’ll be expecting you to just do whatever he says, and he probably won’t really shoot you. But if he _does_ try to shoot you, run away in a zig-zag pattern, so he can’t get a clean shot. But only if he’s standing still; if he’s running, it will be harder for him to aim, so just run as fast as you can (while calmly screaming “Fire!” at regular intervals). And don’t forget to keep checking over your shoulder as you run, to see whether he’s stopped/started running, so you can adjust your escape path accordingly. > [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > If they can come up with a reason why the victim caused their own misfortune, they can reassure themselves that they wouldn’t have made the same mistake and so therefore that misfortune wouldn’t have fallen on them. Yes. This is it exactly. We all want to believe that we have control over our fate, and that if we just follow all the rules and do everything right, nothing bad will happen to us. So we cling to these “safety tips” like magical talismans, and if something bad happens to someone else, we want to know what they did wrong, because we’re desperate to believe that they _must_ have done _something_ wrong, because the only alternative is that sometimes, bad shit happens to good people, and down that path lies madness and sorrow. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/44 "2013-04-19T14:52:10Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Among the many other things I was told, that I spent a lot of time thinking about and practicing: > > [all o’ them] Oh yeah, I was told all of that too. And I thought about them, I was prepared. Fat lot of good that did me when I was raped. Here’s another one, so we can keep on laughing through the tears: Rapists use your fear, and they get off on it. So stop being scared. Maybe you could be really high on anxiety meds all the time. Or meditate while you are being raped. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/45 "2013-04-19T15:11:31Z")
I once read not to wear your hair in a ponytail because that will give the rapist something to grab you with. To be extra safe, you’ll probably just want to shave your head though. ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/46 "2013-04-19T16:13:44Z")
I love that list! I’m so glad you’re finding it helpful in working through your recovery. Unfortunately I can’t get to it from here to find & post my favorites. There’s probably new and even better ones since last I looked. 🙂 > [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > On a serious note, I think when people hear about how somebody was the victim of a crime or some other serious misfortune, they want to think of a reason why the victim did something wrong. It’s not a desire to blame the victim. It’s a desire to restore a sense of control and feel safe. If they can come up with a reason why the victim caused their own misfortune, they can reassure themselves that they wouldn’t have made the same mistake and so therefore that misfortune wouldn’t have fallen on them. I think you are partly correct about their motivations. It still doesn’t make their actions (and the consequences thereof) any less evil. So while I may understand _why_ people do this, it doesn’t mean they get a pass on it. Besides, I’m really not convinced that there’s not also a lot of actual victim-blaming going on. Much of the commentary you see in reference to rapes is far too vicious and pointed to just be ‘whistling past the graveyard’. > [@grude](#): > > I think a lot of these patronizing platitudes and chestnuts of “wisdom” are proffered because people realize how hopeless it is to stop rape with a PSA campaign. You might as well run “Did you know? Rape is a crime! Don’t rape!”, its whistling past the graveyard. I don’t even think it is malicious. Actually, you’re wrong. It is true that most PSAs on the subject have been ineffective, because they have historically been directed towards the wrong audience, i.e., “Here’s how to keep from being raped” messages for women. However, it has been shown more recently that PSAs saying to men “Here’s what rape is, don’t do this” in fact ARE effective. Because they are directed towards the source of the problem rather than its victims. ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/47 "2013-04-19T17:04:01Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I once read not to wear your hair in a ponytail because that will give the rapist something to grab you with. To be extra safe, you’ll probably just want to shave your head though. This sounds like one of those ridiculous tips from one of those stupid email forwards that went around like “Never wear overalls! Rapists look for women wearing overalls so they can quickly cut the straps with scissors and get them off you.” Which demonstrates an interesting, but perhaps not 100% accurate grasp of the mechanics of overalls–has this tipster ever tried to cut through denim? Let alone the seamed and folded straps of overalls? Maybe if they had some diamond-tipped scissors. And when has clothing ever stopped a rapist? “Well, I was GOING to rape that woman, but she was wearing regular pants! I’ll just wait for an overall-wearing woman to come along.” ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/48 "2013-04-19T17:08:29Z")
> [@apollonia](#): > > “Well, I was GOING to rape that woman, but she was wearing regular pants! I’ll just wait for an overall-wearing woman to come along.” And that poor rapist has 90s nostalgia worse than a hipster. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/49 "2013-04-19T17:18:19Z")
Employ a big, muscular man to chaperone you where ever you go. But make sure you get rid of him before he rapes you. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/50 "2013-04-19T17:20:44Z")
Always wear overalls. Rapists rarely come equipped with diamond-tipped scissors and will leave you alone once they figure out they can’t cut the straps with regular scissors. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/51 "2013-04-19T17:35:07Z")
Oh, I know! Try being a good enough Christian that [angels](http://www.snopes.com/glurge/rapestop.asp) will appear to chaperone you and cause the rapist to decide to rape someone who deserves it more instead. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/52 "2013-04-19T17:44:57Z")
Oh good god. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/53 "2013-04-19T18:26:13Z")
Simply become a prostitute - everyone knows they can’t be raped. ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/54 "2013-04-19T19:01:19Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Oh, I know! Try being a good enough Christian that [angels](http://www.snopes.com/glurge/rapestop.asp) will appear to chaperone you and cause the rapist to decide to rape someone who deserves it more instead. Where’s that vomit smiley when I need it? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/55 "2013-04-19T19:28:00Z")
Hold some pepper spray in your hand. The rapist will be so offended that you thought he might be a rapist that he won’t rape you just to prove his point. ---
**Author:** ![EMCEE\_98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5ac83/32.png) [@EMCEE\_98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EMCEE_98)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/56 "2013-04-19T19:35:25Z")
Constant Kegel excercises, and a vagina dentata with retractable teeth. When the bastard tries to pull out, you clamp down on him, and when he starts to freak out and struggle, you shout, “WHO’S RAPING WHO NOW, MOTHERFUCKER?” ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/57 "2013-04-19T21:42:00Z")
[Oh, here it is.](http://www.snopes.com/crime/prevent/rape.asp) > [@](#): > > Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5:00 a.m. And 8:30 a.m. Never go out in the early morning. Avoid jobs that will require you to turn up before 8:30 am. Better starved to death or on welfare than raped! > [@](#): > > The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots. Number two: Are office parking lots/garages. Number three: Are public restrooms. Avoid grocery store parking lots–grow all your food in your backyard. Avoid your office parking lot or garage–park and walk six blocks to your workplace. Never, ever, ever pee in public. Invest in a home catheter system. > [@](#): > > If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location Now we’re just off in Crazyland. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/58 "2013-04-19T22:21:15Z")
Lots of rapes occur at college. Women should avoid higher education. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/59 "2013-04-19T23:10:05Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Lots of rapes occur at college. Women should avoid higher education. In addition, women make over 50% of college graduates, thus women should avoid any situation in which they may be in the majority. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985/60 "2013-04-19T23:13:23Z")
If you can’t manage a spare vagina, try placing an ad for a rape buddy. You can dress her in a short skirt and use her as a decoy, and after all, she responded to the ad so technically she was asking for it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/safetytipsforladies-trigger-warning-sexual-assault/655985.md?page=4)