# SAH vs Working Parents **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 28, 2007, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sah-vs-working-parents/417272 "2007-08-28T21:50:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 2\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2007, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sah-vs-working-parents/417272/61 "2007-08-31T02:21:33Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] **Elret** –that is so hard. When I was a SAHM, I fell into a depression–… [/QUOTE] I hear you guys. I’m sorry **Elret**. I’m similar to you, **eleanorigby**. While I _adore_ my children, without question or hesitation, still I’m really not cut out to be a SAHM. I hate housework. I hate cooking. I don’t care if my curtains match my placemats and I’ve never baked a cake in my life. I am NOT a “nester” and I can’t keep up with my peers who are. I studied fine art and philosophy and I’m almost a good enough artist to make a modest living at it. I never planned on being a mom. But here I am. And I’m grateful to be here, I know I’m damned lucky. At the same time I feel thoroughly overwhelmed by this job and completely unqualified to do it. Some days are a privilege and a joy, but other days (like the one today) I just want to QUIT. Today was “Drive Mommy Batty” day (“What would you like for lunch?” “Peanut butter sandwich!”…make and give child sandwich --including minor skirmish over the butter knife —she sees brother’s lunch…“I don’t want this! I want chicken nuggets!”) (it’s not the fact that they argue, it’s that they _never stop arguing_). ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_I\_Am](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@Sam\_I\_Am](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_I_Am)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2007, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sah-vs-working-parents/417272/62 "2007-08-31T05:13:56Z")
Hubby and I were so lucky (in a way\*) because not long after having our daughter, we started a programming business together. We thought it was perfect - we were interchangeable at work, and could be interchangeable as parents. We could share being a SAHP. Looking back, now that our daughter is 4 1/2, and about to start full-time school, these are the things I wasn’t prepared for: - we weren’t as interchangeable as parents, as we thought. our girl was a mommy’s girl, she was an extended nurser, and for years it was me that did the night wakings, the care when she was ill, tended to boo-boos, etc. - because I was the primary caregiver in that way, anytime there were networking meetings, conference calls, challenging projects with short deadlines and lots to learn, hubby took responsibility for them. I worked, but I did the “easy” work with easier deadlines, and I learned nothing in those years. But the flipside of those: - being “the mommy”/primary caregiver is as rewarding as it is crazymaking (and for me, it was crazymaking; I am not a kid person for the most part!) - it’s only taken a few weeks of more challenging work, for me to feel better about learning again; I honestly expected to feel behind for much longer and what I was prepared for: - we had significant life insurance, to allow the surviving parent to uphold the parenting/lifestyle choices we wanted to make - if we divorced, I knew that my career would not be much worse off for me only working part time for those early years \*I say “in a way” because trying to establish a business together with a kiddo at home is insane! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sah-vs-working-parents/417272.md?page=3)