# ..", said no one ever **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 31, 2012, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435 "2012-10-31T14:28:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/61 "2012-11-03T00:32:01Z")
You know what would be really hawt? A sex tape with Mary Matalin and James Carville! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/62 "2012-11-03T00:43:51Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > “Put another pot of coffee on, Ethel! The Jehovah’s Witnesses are here!” Actually, back in the 70’s, my mom used to serve them Espresso. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/63 "2012-11-03T02:00:46Z")
“I \*really \*hope Jerry Sandusky wins his appeal and returns to mentoring young kids alone in dark showers as soon as possible.” ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/64 "2012-11-03T03:37:46Z")
“I wish Firefox would provide more updates.” ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/65 "2012-11-03T13:02:46Z")
I really wish I could get more advertising junk mail from the cable TV company. I’m looking at you, Cox ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/66 "2012-11-03T13:38:25Z")
George Carlin offered the following three gems: \*“Please saw my legs off.” “Hand me that piano.” “Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone!”\* ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/67 "2012-11-03T13:43:56Z")
SharePoint is so stable and works so well that I often find myself wishing it would crash more often just to give me a break! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/68 "2012-11-03T15:24:54Z")
> [@AaronX](#): > > Why yes, I WOULD like certain body parts enlarged! I’m not sure you’re understanding the point of this thread. 🙂 After surgery - “My pain is about a seven out of 10 - do you think you could get someone to sit on my incision and see if we can get that up to a 10?” ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/69 "2012-11-03T16:00:15Z")
“Damn…I wish I had had about 5 more drinks at that frat party last night!” “Forward that link of recent nude pictures of Joan Rivers to me!” “Sarah Palin is a fuckin’ genius and would make the best President ever!” “Man it’s hot. Get me a huge glass of that sour, lumpy milk over there by the dumpster.” ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/70 "2012-11-06T02:48:40Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > George Carlin offered the following three gems: > > \*“Please saw my legs off.” > > “Hand me that piano.” > > “Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone!”\* Um, hot poker, chop dick off, etc etc. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/71 "2012-11-06T02:54:39Z")
“Now see here; I may be schizophrenic, but I’m not a\* paranoid \*schizophrenic!” ---
**Author:** ![Dave\_Hartwick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/72 "2012-11-06T11:12:43Z")
“Your Facebook status updates have completely changed my mind on many key political issues.” “Why, yes, standing in a long line for the privilege of being one of the first in your city to purchase the new iPhone is exactly the sort of behavior I’d expect from a responsible adult.” “You’ve criticized my favorite video game? I guess I can see your point, and respect that you’ve expressed an opinion different than mine.” ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/73 "2012-11-06T11:13:00Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > “Oh _hell_ no, you better move your ass over. It’s MY turn to lie in the wet spot.” Could somebody print this off and hang it over my nursing home bed when it’s time so the attendants can feel like they really _know_ me? I wish I hadn’t eaten that last salad. I feel too healthy to drive. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/74 "2012-11-06T11:39:59Z")
election day _already?_ ---
**Author:** ![Dave\_Hartwick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/75 "2012-11-06T12:54:01Z")
“Intellectuals sure do love football, and who can blame them.” ---
**Author:** ![Dave\_Hartwick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/76 "2012-11-06T23:29:41Z")
“It is generally considered good form to respond to your own posts.” “My hot swimsuit model friends and I enjoy finding programmers to sleep with.” “As a firm believer in capitalism, I would gladly pay more in taxes in order for the pay of elected officials and government employees to be increased. That way, we attract the best people to these important positions.” ---
**Author:** ![Dave\_Hartwick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/77 "2012-11-07T21:46:18Z")
“I hope Dave Hartwick bumps this thread again.” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/78 "2012-11-07T22:00:54Z")
“Good morning, President Romney.” ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/79 "2012-11-07T22:50:39Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > “Good morning, President Romney.” HA! that Donald Trump sure makes good sense 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435/80 "2012-11-07T23:18:12Z")
“Your hateful, bigoted rant has truly swayed me to your point of view by making me realize how illogical my viewpoint was.” > [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > Boy, I wish I could get a computer virus. Not so, I’ve heard malware researchers at my university say similar :p. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/said-no-one-ever/639435.md?page=5)