# Saint Patrick's day joke **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 16, 2019, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239 "2019-03-16T21:29:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2019, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/61 "2019-03-19T16:10:44Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > A tourist traveling in Ireland walks into a bar. A man greets him as he walks in the door. > > “Welcome, stranger! But, before we can drink with you, we must ask one question: are you a Catholic, or a Protestant?” > > “Neither one. I’m Jewish.” > > “Well, that’s all right, then. But are you a Catholic Jew, or a Protestant Jew?” That’s a Northern Irish joke, specifically ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2019, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/62 "2019-03-19T17:43:44Z")
> [@Sangahyando](#): > > There’s got to be a way somehow, of devising a joke about St. Patrick and his snake-related doings: concerning two Irish persons called O’Fiddey and O’Fobe… Not an ophidiophobia joke, but it [does have St. Patrick and another figure…](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/254523816410679039/) ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2019, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/63 "2019-03-19T19:28:12Z")
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?”, asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?” The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first”. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2019, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/64 "2019-03-20T10:15:26Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Not an ophidiophobia joke, but it [does have St. Patrick and another figure…](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/254523816410679039/) Splendid cartoon ! I also loved the lower-down-the-page “gold, Frankenstein and myrrh” one. ---
**Author:** ![Mike\_Mabes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mike_mabes/32/1782_2.png) [@Mike\_Mabes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mike_Mabes)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2019, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/65 "2019-03-23T23:02:26Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Irishman is in a pub, and overhears 2 stout women at the bar. He says, “Excuse me, but would ye two ladies be from Scotland?” > The larger of the two responds, “Wales, you wanker.” > He says, “A thousand pardons. Would ye two whales be from Scotland?” Laughed out loud. Never laugh out loud reading a joke. And old friend visited today and I told it to him. It killed. Will definitely remember. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/66 "2019-03-25T02:12:06Z")
Another version, as a silly riddle, not an Irish joke: How to you get two whales in a Volkswagen? (Hint: it only works when told, not written.) Take M4. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/67 "2019-03-25T02:14:59Z")
‘do’, not ‘to’ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/68 "2019-03-25T03:01:58Z")
> [@Civil\_Guy](#): > > How [do] you get two whales in a Volkswagen? What was the Welshman doing beside the road? Having a leak. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/69 "2019-03-25T05:11:41Z")
Paddy and Seamus are driving through the streets of Belfast: “Hey, what happens if the bomb in the back seat goes off?” “Don’t worry, we’ve got another one in the boot.” ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/70 "2019-03-25T14:02:24Z")
Why does Irish bean stew only contain 239 beans? One more would make it too farty. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/71 "2019-03-25T18:00:43Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > That sounds to me like a Tour Guide Story. Yeah, the tipoff is “Just as Kobe beef from Japan is now considered the finest beef in the world” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/72 "2019-03-25T18:19:00Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Why does Irish bean stew only contain 239 beans? One more would make it too farty. An Englishman goes into an American diner and orders the soup of the day. When it comes, he looks at it, aghast, and says, ‘Good lord! What is _this?_’ The waitress says, ‘It’s bean soup.’ The Englishman says, ‘I don’t care what it’s _been!_ What is it _now?_’ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2019, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/73 "2019-03-29T20:11:33Z")
… And the top of the mornin’ to ya! 🆒 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LN\_VWj6L2k ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2019, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/74 "2019-03-29T21:00:37Z")
[![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/cTouKoOV80g/hqdefault.jpg "The Orange and the Green - Lyrics") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTouKoOV80g) “The Orange and the Green” by the Irish Rovers. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2019, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/75 "2019-03-29T21:39:20Z")
> [@Temporary\_Name](#): > > Several years ago on NPR, I heard a story that explained why Irish Americans eat corned beef and those in “the old country” do not. Just as Kobe beef from Japan is now considered the finest beef in the world, at one time Angus beef from Ireland was the finest beef to be found. Unfortunately, at that time there was no artificial refrigeration (packing in ice was as close as you could come) and it took a several month boat trip to ship beef from Ireland to the US. In order for the cargo to survive the trip, the shippers were forced to preserve the meat using spices, hence corned beef. But it was real Irish Beef and short of buying a live cattle beast and slaughtering it here – it was the only way to get it in those days. I thought Angus beef came from Scotland? :dubious: 😕 Actually, I’ve heard the Irish traditionally dine on swine meat in Ireland. They didn’t start eating corned beef until they came to America. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2019, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239/76 "2019-03-29T21:47:38Z")
A Mother Superior calls a meeting of all the nuns in her convent: “Sisters in Christ,” she says. “It has come to my attention that there is a man hiding among us.” All of the nuns gasp, except one. She goes “Tee, hee!” “The other day, Sister Brighid found a used prophylactic as she was emptying the rubbish.” Again, all of the nuns gasp, except one. She goes “Tee, hee!” “Upon close examination, I found this prophylactic had a hole in it.” All of the nuns go “Tee, hee!” except one. She gasps. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saint-patricks-day-joke/831239.md?page=3)