# Salt makes atheists shrivel up like slugs! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 23, 2005, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921 "2005-03-23T19:05:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/41 "2005-03-24T04:21:02Z")
I could have sworn that [chrism](http://imdb.com/title/tt0065547/) was a John Wayne movie. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/42 "2005-03-24T04:48:36Z")
I can understand the other ingredients to the chrism recipe, but why the sugar? Does it make a crunchy atheist glaze, like a HoneyBaked Ham®? ---
**Author:** ![Claude\_Remains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Claude\_Remains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claude_Remains)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/43 "2005-03-24T05:50:27Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > can I sprinkle salt on my double chin or tummy and have it act as anti-atheist liposuction? hey **Eve** , why don’t you go… oh crap , this is MPSIMS… HAVE A NICE DAY? ah, yeah, have a real nice day **Eve**! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Skellington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Skellington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skellington)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/44 "2005-03-24T10:04:28Z")
> [@jk1245](#): > > Is it acceptable to worship an atheist? 😕 > > Can I get a ruling please. I’m not sure. But my followers seem to think it is. ---
**Author:** ![Skellington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Skellington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skellington)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/45 "2005-03-24T10:06:25Z")
BTW, what the? Why didn’t that quote work and where are my smilies? ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/46 "2005-03-24T10:16:50Z")
But what _kind_ of salt should I use against atheists? Is regular table salt good enough, or should I listen to Alton Brown and always use kosher salt? ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/47 "2005-03-24T10:40:06Z")
Bah, kosher salt is for sissies. Fleur de Sel, all the way 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/48 "2005-03-24T10:47:01Z")
I think I shall never understand the finer points of theology. Jesus said “_Remember_ Lot’s wife,” not “grab a handful and chuck her at somebody.” If her family were still around, they could lobby Congress to embrace a “Culture of Salt,” which could take as its motto “Use your brine!” But Congress wouldn’t stoop to such a cynical misuse of its power to make a purely symbolic (in this case, NaCl) point, even to appease a vocal religious minority. Heck, I’m still trying to reconcile the Schindler’s effort to convince us that removal of the feeding tube would be an unconscionable violation of Catholic doctrine with their attempt to procure for their daughter a divorce from her husband, much less come to terms with how calling someone an atheist invalidates their point of view. Since accepting this (for me, anyhow) calls for a lot more than a grain of salt, I guess it’s good that these folks bring their own. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/49 "2005-03-24T12:57:31Z")
> [@E. Thorp](#): > > 😃 Thank you for making my day. All part of the service. I was also thinking of a jism-chrism joke, but I can’t formulate it… ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/50 "2005-03-24T13:07:51Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > Like Matt said, holy oil. Fragrant anointing oil, to be precise. [Do-it-yourself chrism-making instructions](http://www.rockies.net/~spirit/sermons/sp-anointing-oil.php). Sounds like “Good Season” salad dressing to me. And what’s this about frankinsence _if easily available_ ? Who the hell knows where to get frankinsence? I don’t think I can just pop down to the Winn Dixie, go to the spice rack, and get a little jar. Besides, **HAVE YOU SEEN HOW EXPENSIVE SPICES ARE?** ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/51 "2005-03-24T13:10:30Z")
> [@jinwicked](#): > > Personally, I am vulnerable to holy water. **Poly** , so how do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/52 "2005-03-24T13:12:23Z")
DuH! You punch holes in it! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/53 "2005-03-24T13:19:00Z")
> [@plnnr](#): > > Sounds like “Good Season” salad dressing to me. > > And what’s this about frankinsence _if easily available_ ? Who the hell knows where to get frankinsence? I don’t think I can just pop down to the Winn Dixie, go to the spice rack, and get a little jar. Besides, **HAVE YOU SEEN HOW EXPENSIVE SPICES ARE?** You can get frankincense by burning weiners. You’re on your own to find the myrrh. **frank** incense, get it? Hey, it’s Holy Week. We aren’t supposed to be funny. We’re supposed to be all contrite, sober and repentant. Deal with it! ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/54 "2005-03-24T13:57:41Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > You can get frankincense by burning weiners. You’re on your own to find the myrrh. Sorry, but I’m not burning my weiner for anyone - I don’t care if it is Holy Week. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/55 "2005-03-24T14:33:54Z")
> [@The King of Soup](#): > > “Use your brine!” [Homer Simpson] “No son of _mine_ is growing up to be a 19th-century cockney bootblack!” [/Homer Simpson] If your house in infested with atheists, you can call Athi-Ex (that’s the big white truck with a rubber dead atheist on the top) and they’ll sprinkle salt in the corners and the attic. ---
**Author:** ![Bookkeeper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bookkeeper/32/281_2.png) [@Bookkeeper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bookkeeper)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/56 "2005-03-24T14:46:40Z")
> [@plnnr](#): > > And what’s this about frankinsence _if easily available_ ? Who the hell knows where to get frankinsence? I don’t think I can just pop down to the Winn Dixie, go to the spice rack, and get a little jar. Besides, **HAVE YOU SEEN HOW EXPENSIVE SPICES ARE?** Besides, doesn’t frankincense come from the Arabian Peninsula? That would make it **heathen** frankincense! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/57 "2005-03-24T15:00:18Z")
> [@plnnr](#): > > Sounds like “Good Season” salad dressing to me. > > And what’s this about frankinsence _if easily available_ ? Who the hell knows where to get frankinsence? I don’t think I can just pop down to the Winn Dixie, go to the spice rack, and get a little jar. Besides, **HAVE YOU SEEN HOW EXPENSIVE SPICES ARE?** Winn Dixie? Don’t be ridiculous. Dollar General has all your spices, herbs, and essential oils at low prices. Next aisle over from the canned okra. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/58 "2005-03-24T16:51:33Z")
Brine is a terrible thing to waste… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/59 "2005-03-24T17:47:20Z")
Salt makes [zombies](http://death.monstrous.com/origin_of_zombies.htm) dead, again. Brine has salt. Zombies are always calling ouf for “Braaaaaains”, which sounds like brine, kinda. Hmmmm… ---
**Author:** ![Othersider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/cab0a1/32.png) [@Othersider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Othersider)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921/60 "2005-03-24T17:53:05Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Brine is a terrible thing to waste… Homer: Moe! Don’t throw away that brine! _grabs brine and drinks it_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salt-makes-atheists-shrivel-up-like-slugs/295921.md?page=4)