# Salty sayings **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 8, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910 "2006-05-08T16:37:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![KlondikeGeoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@KlondikeGeoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KlondikeGeoff)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/1 "2006-05-08T16:37:57Z")
Some of my favorite sayings usually came from friends from the South. Unfortunately, most of them have vanished from my memory (which is down to about 512K now). Here are some I recall. \*That’s like asking a fox about animal husbandry. In and out like a fiddler’s elbow Up and down like a bride’s nightie Shivering like a dog shitting razor blades\* Anybody got others? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/2 "2006-05-08T16:44:50Z")
_You’re so green if I stuck you in the ground you’d grow… shaking like a cat shitting razorblades… as happy as a pig in shit… as ugly as an unwiped asshole…_ ---
**Author:** ![Cowgirl\_Jules](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@Cowgirl\_Jules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowgirl_Jules)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/3 "2006-05-08T17:12:58Z")
_Rainin’ like a cow pissin’ on a flat rock_ ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/4 "2006-05-08T17:43:14Z")
_Make you wanna slap your Granny._ I made up a list of hilarious ones my friend from Prosper used to say. Must have been fourty or so. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/5 "2006-05-08T17:49:54Z")
> [@KlondikeGeoff](#): > > _Shivering like a dog shitting razor blades_ Dad-isms: \*Shaking like a dog passing peach seeds You look like the syphillitc afterbirth of a Lower Slobovian gang bang It ain’t what you want, but what you get that makes you fat If you had a brain it would rattle like a BB in a boxcar.\* ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/6 "2006-05-08T17:53:10Z")
> [@Cowgirl Jules](#): > > _Rainin’ like a cow pissin’ on a flat rock_ I’ve also heard that one as _“rainin’ like a double-cunted cow pissin’ on a flat rock.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/7 "2006-05-08T18:05:47Z")
Ugly enough to back a dog off a meat truck Useless as a screen door on a submarine Dumber than a sack of hair Four days older than dirt The shadow of her ass weighs 30 pounds ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/8 "2006-05-08T18:12:36Z")
Bangs like a dunny door in a storm. ( I believe it’s Australian in origin… so that qualifies as southern as well, right?) ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/9 "2006-05-08T18:24:22Z")
If brains were gasoline, yours wouldn’t be enough to make a piss ant’s go cart go around the inside of a Cherrio. Balancing your brain on a razor blade would be like bouncing a bb down a four lane highway. You’re about as bright as a burnt out lantern, covered in tar, buried in the storm cellar of a coal mine. Ugly enough to knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. Courtesy of my Father… ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/10 "2006-05-08T18:26:51Z")
Ugly enough to scare a buzzard off a meat wagon. Ugly enough to scare a pit bull up a plate glass window (“win-der”). Ugly as the south end of a northbound dog. Hotter than two rats fuckin’ in a wool sock. Dumber than a brick/boot/post/stump/bag of hammers/sack of hair. Too dumb to pour piss out of a boot (with or without instructions written on the heel.) Hotter than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire. Colder than a witch’s tit (in or out of a brass bra)/welldigger’s nuts (or ass)/gravedigger’s nuts (or ass). There are SO many hundreds more. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/11 "2006-05-08T18:44:09Z")
He’s so full of shit his eyes are brown. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/12 "2006-05-08T18:48:22Z")
_If brains was lard, you couldn’t grease a skillet._ _…deader’n a son of a bitch…_ (used only when describing the effects of a firearm on a living target) _…sweeter’n butterscotch…_ (I’ve only heard this one used to indicate someone is gay) ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/13 "2006-05-08T18:57:20Z")
Slicker’n snot on a doorknob (owlshit through a tin horn) Nervous as a whore in church. Off like a prom dress. Stupid as a fried popsicle (thanks, Tabitha King!) Crazy as a soup sandwich. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/14 "2006-05-08T19:03:27Z")
_…that’s like pissin’ up a rope_ _…about as useful as tits on a bull_ ---
**Author:** ![slaphead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@slaphead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slaphead)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/15 "2006-05-08T19:38:28Z")
_Face like a smacked arse_ ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/16 "2006-05-08T19:54:51Z")
'Bout as useful as extra tits on a warthog. Goin’ up and down like a whore’s panties! (said about someone who can’t sit still) Shut up tighter’n a bull’s ass in fly season. Couldn’t hit a bull’s ass with a base fiddle. Shot at and missed; shit at and hit. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/17 "2006-05-08T19:57:05Z")
Couldn’t hit a bull’s ass with a **bass** fiddle, dammit! ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/18 "2006-05-08T19:59:10Z")
Busier than a dog with two dicks. Crooked as a dog’s hind leg. Rode hard and put up wet. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/19 "2006-05-08T20:01:33Z")
Courtesy of a very flustered mother of a friend: Colder than a well digger’s ass in a cast iron bra. If it was rainin’ soup you’d take a fork. ---
**Author:** ![Cheez\_Whia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d26b3c/32.png) [@Cheez\_Whia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheez_Whia)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/20 "2006-05-08T20:02:11Z")
Useless as hen shit on a pump handle. I’ll probably think of more later. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910.md?page=2)