# Salty sayings **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 8, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910 "2006-05-08T16:37:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![whole\_bean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@whole\_bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whole_bean)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/21 "2006-05-08T20:13:27Z")
> [@Rez](#): > > Courtesy of a very flustered mother of a friend: > Colder than a well digger’s ass in a cast iron bra. > > If it was rainin’ soup you’d take a fork. why would a well digger have a bra on his ass? this is probably a mixing of “colder than a witches tit in a brass bassiere on the shady side of an iceberg” and “lower than a well diggers ass” hows about: metaphors/similes: lower than a well digger’s ass (as in I’m feeling . . . ) nutty as a squirrel turd crazy as a shit house rat happier than a dog with two dicks sweatin’ like a whore in church nervous as a long tale cat in a room full of rocking chairs dumber than a sack of hammers usefull as tits on a bull busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest rhetorical questions: does a bear shit in the woods? does the pope wear a funny hat? does a hobby horse have a hickory dick? ---
**Author:** ![Wallflower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Wallflower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallflower)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/22 "2006-05-08T20:17:38Z")
happier 'n a ‘possum eatin’ shit by the moonlight ---
**Author:** ![whole\_bean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@whole\_bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whole_bean)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/23 "2006-05-08T20:18:34Z")
hotter than a two dollar pistol ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/24 "2006-05-08T20:26:47Z")
> [@whole bean](#): > > hotter than a two dollar pistol And that’s [pretty hot.](http://www.epinions.com/musc_mu-518551/display_~reviews) ---
**Author:** ![whole\_bean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@whole\_bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whole_bean)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/25 "2006-05-08T20:30:36Z")
[so and so] went through here like fat through a goose bleeding like a stuck pig drunk as Cooter Brown meaner than a skillet full of rattlesnakes/junkyard dog happy as a gopher in soft dirt so dry the trees are bribing the dogs it’s so hot the hens are laying boiled eggs cute as a possum/button so dumb she couldn’t pour rain out of a boot with a hole in the toe and directions on the heel. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/26 "2006-05-08T20:51:04Z")
Ain’t got a pot to piss in. If I was feelin’ any better I couldn’t stand myself. He could tear up a cannon ball in a sandbox with a rubber hammer. (Courtesy of my grandma, most often used in reference to my stepfather :D.) Yer damn skippy. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/27 "2006-05-08T20:56:24Z")
As nervous as a cat in a room full of rockin’ chairs. ---
**Author:** ![Spavined\_Gelding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/28 "2006-05-08T22:15:30Z")
_As common as owl pellets_ Owls ingest their prey whole but don’t pass them through their system. The bones, fur and other indigestible bits are regurgitated as a small ball of all that stuff. A mouse’s skull is not all that big. You find the pellets littering the floor of the forest under trees where the owl roosts. _I don’t know him from Adam’s off ox_ Said of a complete stranger. On a team of oxen the ox on the left side, the side closest to the driver, is the near ox. The other ox, the one farthest away is the off ox. Adam was a long time ago. _He stacked arms at Appomattox_ Said of a person who saw a hard job through to the end. When the end came for the Army of Northern Virginia in April 1865, there were a lot of Confederate soldiers who were unarmed stragglers, having broken lose from their regiment and having lost their musket for one reason or another. The men who stacked arms were the ones who stayed with their unit and kept their weapon when it would have been a lot easier to simply wander off or get rid of the extra burden. Ain’t got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/29 "2006-05-08T22:47:03Z")
> [@](#): > > rhetorical questions: > does a bear shit in the woods? > does the pope wear a funny hat? > does a hobby horse have a hickory dick? And my favorite: Does a frog bump its ass a-hoppin’? Oh, and further in the amphibian vein, “How you doin’?” “Finer’n frog hair.” ---
**Author:** ![movingfinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/30 "2006-05-08T23:07:26Z")
Noisier than two skeletons making love on a tin roof and using a beer can for a condom Slicker than two eels copulating in a barrel of mucus If brains were shoes you’d be barefoot up to your ass Cold enough to freeze tha balls off a pool table Colder than a mother-in-law’s kiss ---
**Author:** ![T\_SQUARE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@T\_SQUARE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T_SQUARE)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/31 "2006-05-08T23:28:10Z")
Busier than a hooker on cowboy payday Ass high to a tall Indian _Busier than a hooker on cowboy payday_ Not PC: _Drunker than 10 Indians_. You can substitute 100, 1000, etc. for more extreme states of drunkenness. (It’s a logarithmic scale) ---
**Author:** ![T\_SQUARE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@T\_SQUARE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T_SQUARE)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/32 "2006-05-08T23:29:11Z")
Damn, messed that coding up. I’m dumber than a mud post. ---
**Author:** ![lizardling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f4b2a3/32.png) [@lizardling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lizardling)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/33 "2006-05-09T00:06:03Z")
Bleeding like a stuck pig is a Southernism? Useful as tits on a boar. Slap that puppy on the ass and call it done. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/34 "2006-05-09T02:48:13Z")
Cranky as a bag of weasels. Head like a hat full of arseholes / assholes. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/35 "2006-05-09T03:24:11Z")
If you ever had a thought it would die of loneliness. Uglier than the south end of a north-bound pig. So ugly your mama had to tie a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you. So ugly that when you were born the doctor slapped your mama. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/36 "2006-05-09T03:32:58Z")
> [@whole bean](#): > > hotter than a two dollar pistol My dad used to say that too. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/37 "2006-05-09T05:30:30Z")
Shitting like a big black Alsation. ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/38 "2006-05-09T05:37:41Z")
Crazy as rat in a coffee can… Mad as a bagful of badgers… Silly as a two-bob watch… Sharp as a stack of wet newspaper… mm ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/39 "2006-05-09T06:55:55Z")
ya’ll forgot … When the Lord passed out brains you thought he said “rain” so you hid under a cabbage leaf Busier than a one-armed paper hanger Fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down Dumber than a box of mud Like a dose of salts thru a widder’ woman So tight with a penny he squeaks when he walks Look deep in her eyes, you see the roots of her hair When she walks, her butt looks like two dogs fightin’ under a blanket Crazy as a run-over dog I’ll think of more tomrrow, I’m sure 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/40 "2006-05-09T06:57:49Z")
Oh yeah… He’s about as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910.md?page=3)