# Salty sayings **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 8, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910 "2006-05-08T16:37:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/41 "2006-05-09T07:38:29Z")
Courtesy of my Dad – When someone dies, they’ve gone “tits up” (in mixed company “wing-tips up” – meaning the shoes, not actual wings). When you’re feeling your age, physically or mentally – “The wheels are comin’ off the wagon.” Trying to fix something that has already had consequences is “trying to close the barn door after the horse is gone.” If you’re very busy you’re “busier than a one-legged cowboy (or Indian) in an ass-kicking contest.” If things have gone well for you, you’re “sittin’ in the cat-bird seat” (whatever the hell that means). If you’re expecting good fortune, you predict you’ll be “fartin’ through silk” – i.e., “If we win the Lottery, we’ll be fartin’ through silk.” Trash-talk before family poker games: “I’ll beat you like a red-headed step-child.” ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/42 "2006-05-09T07:40:07Z")
Oh, a “crazy as a shit house rate” is a standard metaphor in my family. In fact, I used the phrase on the Board yesterday. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/43 "2006-05-09T07:41:25Z")
. . . Should be “rat”, of course. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silence_of_the_clams)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/44 "2006-05-09T09:57:40Z")
Not a saying from the south, but from the north and it is also salty: “You are so lazy you need salt in youre pockets to keep youre hands from rotting” ---
**Author:** ![Cherry2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cherry2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cherry2000)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/45 "2006-05-09T14:22:58Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > “How you doin’?” > “Finer’n frog hair.” I’d rather sandpaper a bobcat’s ass in a phone booth that question you **Ogre** , but wouldn’t that be “Finer’n frog hair, split three ways?” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/46 "2006-05-09T15:05:11Z")
IANAS, but how about: “A face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle”? ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/47 "2006-05-09T15:28:20Z")
Some have already been mentioned but these I hear on occasion: _Slicker’n Owl Shit Dumber’n a bag o’hammers … a box of rocks Stinking like a bucket of assholes …was on him like ugly on an ape … like white on rice callin’ Ralph [puking] It was like kneeing a gorilla in a phonebooth_ ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/48 "2006-05-09T15:30:08Z")
Referring to any big ole boy: He’s big enough to eat grass. Someone who’s flustered: He didn’t know whether to shit or go blind. Someone who is tense: You couldn’t pull a needle out of his ass with a tractor. ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/49 "2006-05-09T15:31:26Z")
Oh yeah: _Had a face like the back of a bus [Morning mouth taste] like licking the floor of a taxi cab She was like ten miles of bad road Slapped him so hard his whole family fell down If I want your opinion I’ll beat it outta ya_ ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/50 "2006-05-09T15:31:55Z")
Whenever my grandma would start back-seat-driving, my grandpa would bellow, “Who’s bucking this fuzzard?” which would always send me off into a torrent of giggles. (I assume he switched the first letters to avoid my grandma reproving him for cursing.) Not PC, but a friend of mine liked to use that line from \*Blazing Saddles: \* “Dancing around like a Kansas City faggot.” ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/51 "2006-05-09T15:31:56Z")
This is probably the worst Southern insult I have ever heard: Said with a condescending smile, _“Bless his/her heart.”_ ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/52 "2006-05-09T15:57:14Z")
That **Sean** , bless his heart, he just caint help it. 😃 Purtier than a two dollar whore. Uglier than a mudfence in a rainstorm If stupid was money, you’d be the richest man in the county. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/53 "2006-05-09T16:31:26Z")
> [@Sean Factotum](#): > > This is probably the worst Southern insult I have ever heard: > > Said with a condescending smile, _“Bless his/her heart.”_ To this day I’ve still never, not _once_ heard that phrase used in the derogatory manner I’ve heard about here. Not ever. My mom has said it for years as a term of sympathy. Although my fiance’ has some family steeped in southern culture (rednecks). I’m sure I’ll hear it some time. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/54 "2006-05-09T16:37:15Z")
> [@Hung Mung](#): > > To this day I’ve still never, not _once_ heard that phrase used in the derogatory manner I’ve heard about here. > Not ever. My mom has said it for years as a term of sympathy. Although my fiance’ has some family steeped in southern culture (rednecks). I’m sure I’ll hear it some time. Look at how I used it about **Sean**. 😃 She’s dumber than a box of hair… bless her heart. He’s uglier than a mudfence in a rain storm… bless his heart. If stupid was brains he’d be the richest man in the county… bless his heart. She’s fatter than a ‘possum livin’ at city dump… bless her heart. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/55 "2006-05-09T16:41:47Z")
Oops, hit reply too soon. Here’s my contribution. Uglier than homemade soap. Dumb as an ox and twice as ugly. Dumb as a doorknob (or, it’s like talking to a wall). I’ve driven through Hell and half of Georgia to get here. He/She thinks their shit don’t stink. …couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. You look like Death on a cracker/eatin’ a cracker, or Death warmed over. Well, take the ribbon from my hair. (An utterance of mild surprise) ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/56 "2006-05-09T16:45:26Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Look at how I used it about **Sean**. 😃 > > She’s dumber than a box of hair… bless her heart. > > He’s uglier than a mudfence in a rain storm… bless his heart. > > If stupid was brains he’d be the richest man in the county… bless his heart. > > She’s fatter than a ‘possum livin’ at city dump… bless her heart. I gotcha. I remember that big thread we had a while back (was that **Sampiro** who started that?) and never having heard of that before. It could be as simple as me being too dense to have heard the connotation in people’s voices before. Still mystifies me. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/57 "2006-05-09T17:08:45Z")
> [@Hung Mung](#): > > I gotcha. I remember that big thread we had a while back (was that **Sampiro** who started that?) and never having heard of that before. > > It could be as simple as me being too dense to have heard the connotation in people’s voices before. Still mystifies me. Well, bless your heart… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/58 "2006-05-09T17:45:41Z")
This is what happens when I leave the office for lunch. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/59 "2006-05-09T18:00:18Z")
Some variations on others I’ve read in this thread, but have heard expressed otherwise… _…beat him like a rented mule_ _…shit or get off the pot_ _…fish or cut bait_ _…subtle as a stick of dynamite_ _…ugle as a hatful of assholes_ ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910/60 "2006-05-09T18:10:38Z")
> [@Sean Factotum](#): > > This is what happens when I leave the office for lunch. Bless your heart. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/salty-sayings/355910.md?page=4)