# Sam Stone

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [November 25, 2005, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667 "2005-11-25T09:20:04Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\
**Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/41 "2005-11-25T20:48:56Z")

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> [@Sam Stone](#):
>
> I suppose all Monstrealers are women-murderers because Marc Lepine shot up a university, right?

Please, get your slurs right ! You **KNOW** that we are _poutine_-eating, _50_-drinking, chain-smoking, sex maniacs !

Monstrealers ??? Since we are in the Grey Cup against Edmonotone 😃 , I’ll let it pass… this time !

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**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\
**Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/42 "2005-11-25T21:04:11Z")

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The set-up is “What do you call a Canadian sex maniac?”  
So far, the punch line escapes me.

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**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\
**Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/43 "2005-11-25T21:44:13Z")

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A couple that forgoes the doggy-style position while having sex during Hockey Night on CBC?  
Lame fucking OP, by the way. I’d pay good money to see you **FC** say that shit in any tavern west of Toronto. You’d have your ass handed to you before you knew it. What a complete and utter shitbag you and everyone cheering you on are. Though, I’ll give you this much. You make American Klansmen seem left-wing pacifists compared to your ignorant, hateful, racist vitriol and bile. So you have that going for you. Quite the accomplishment.

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**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\
**Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/44 "2005-11-25T22:21:52Z")

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Ya know what **FC** - why don’t you bend over, stick your head between your legs and play with your asshole for a while. You’re an idiot.

You’re nothing like Pol Pot - he was much, much smarter. Asshole.

Oh, and BTW - politically we’re on the same side of the fence - I just think you’re a cock-sprocket.

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**Author:** ![Foaming\_Cleanser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Foaming\_Cleanser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foaming_Cleanser)\
**Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/45 "2005-11-25T22:37:28Z")

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DISCLAIMER

TO THE GORMLESS: THIS POST EMPLOYS SATIRE, WHICH USES EXAGGERATION AND NAME-CALLING FOR EFFECT. Generally, SATIRE doesn’t require BLOCK CAPITALS. But in this case, an exception must be made. No, I DON’T REALLY THINK anyone is a simpleton, a cum blob, a turnip, lobotomized, a fucked-up cretinous nincompoop or a member of the Alberta Taliban or anything else condemnatory you may run across that is not listed in this disclaimer.

END DISCLAIMER

To those who righteously wrap yourselves in pure white light as you point and condemn while being incapable of getting a clue and understanding anything beyond the level of creationist literalism: I’m dumbing down this post in an attempt to have it collide with the neuron you all share as it hitch-hikes it’s way from tiny brain to tiny brain. To that end, and with emphasis in caps to escape further charges by those who can’t grok anything not in block capitals and whose education began and ended with Dick and Jane:

This saga started when I replied to the OVER-THE-TOP HYPERBOLE by the other thread’s OP, kingpengvin, who said of yet another boring election no one wants, including the Tories, that it heralds “A fundamental change in the nature of Canada once the smoke clears.”

This is pure nonsense, and for the synaptically challenged, **fucking** nonsense.

Then kingpengvin said: “Hang on to your hats kiddies it may be a scary ride.”

This is pure nonsense, and for those whose brain rentals ran out, **fucking** nonsense.

Then kingpengvin said: “Will this be the final match to light the separtist fuel? And if so will the west follow?” These questions and the notion that led to them are pure nonsense, and for those whose heads are _still_ up their asses, the questions and the notion that led to them are **fucking** nonsense.

So I employed SATIRE — I say again — SATIRE!!!, playing upon stereotypes. Look it up, you stupid fucks who evidently need a row of exclamation points to draw your attention. Have you _really_ not been educated beyond third grade? Are you _really_ so thick the concept is beyond you? Do you _really_ think a Focus is the best car buy because Ford says so in TV ads? Can you _really_ not pee without your mommies holding your dinkies?

BrainGlutton, Cowgirl and alice\_in\_wonderland know the OP is nonsense and my reply satirical. What the fuck’s wrong with the rest of you who don’t see this, can’t see this or refuse to see this?

**BrainGlutton:**

> [@](#):
>
> How would a change in the parties’ share in Parliament fundamentally change the nature of Canada?

Good question. The answer, of course, it can’t, and it won’t.

**Cowgirl:**

> [@](#):
>
> I’m with Foaming Cleanser: a snore of an election, resulting in another Liberal minorty.

Cowgirl understood immediately. No so you morons.

**alice\_in\_wonderland:**"

> [@](#):
>
> It’s gets a big fat “MEH” from me. . . . Regarding Alberta seperating - that’s even more laughable.

alice\_in\_wonderland has the OP pegged. No so the moron gallery.

So you turnips off the vegetable truck really believe I think the Tories are the Alberta Taliban, not _like_ the Taliban — a FUCKING SIMILE when “like” is used, a FUCKING METAPHOR without the “like” — an exaggeration to make a point — but _the_ Taliban. You believe this, though unlike kingpengvin in that idiotic post, I write in complete sentences, spell correctly, use proper grammar and know that the premier of Quebec is not Cherez. You believe this **despite my link in that thread to another about stereotypes, where my post about B.C., Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Quebec and all points further east make the list,** the link being included to disabuse any brick-thick minds of any lingering doubt that my rant about the Tories and Alberta is, once again, METAPHOR! SATIRE! EXAGGERATION! ONE-DIMENSIONAL CHARACTERIZATION TO MAKE A POINT! But clicking on a link that reads STEREOTYPES means nothing to you slack-jawed drool-drippers because the word has more than four letters. It’s too hard to read or even sound out. Worse, you _still_ believe this despite my **linked reference** about Jonathan Swift and his writings on the Irish eating their babies, probably the best-known example of satire (SATIRE) in the English-speaking world and one that regularly must be trotted out for the super thick as I am doing now — again —for you morons who would have formed a mob to burn Swift at the stake.

Then the OP, kingpengvin, came back with this now-habitual hyperbole typed with a hammer, accusing me of not only smearing Stockwell Day, who, as it is universally known is impossible to smear, but Alberta because Day is from that province and represents a constituency there. Further, kingpengvin had this to say:

> [@](#):
>
> What threat do they pose exactly. Are you saying the Conservative party was created to strip the rights of individuals trash the Chater and then imporse a theocracy or was that just empty headed rhetoric?

If this clueless clown is older than 12, he must have been blotto. Maybe he’s both. In any case, I was not going to let this inanity go unanswered.

Warning: For you cum blobs in the condom of irrationality, what follows is SATIRE SATIRE SATIRE SATIRE!!! _on the Conservative party._

Yes. _OBVIOUSLY_! The Conservative party was created to strip the rights of individuals\*\*,\*\* trash the Canadian **Charter** of Rights and Freedoms and **(no “and” or no “then” needed; either, alone, is enough) impose** a theocracy\*\*,\*\*.

END SATIRE SATIRE SATIRE SATIRE _on the Conservative party._

My post, kingpengvin, was anything but empty-headed (you, however, are well-versed regarding this phenomenon) rhetoric (another word, like Charest, you would do well to look up). By the way, a question is followed by a question mark; it’s the little upside-down hook-looking thing with a dot beneath it, and can easily be spotted when you’re not stoned. It can be typed by finding it on that thing in front of you that some members of the Straight Dope call “the keyboard,” then by holding down either of the two shift keys (don’t let the complication of having to make a choice stop you) and whacking the upside-down hook with a blunt instrument — your head or a hammer.

Then came Part 2, the pit post, where I pulled out more stops because I realized I was dealing with the radically lobotomized. But alas came posts such as this one:

> [@](#):
>
> I just can’t see Sam Stone at a Klan meeting.

by Priceguy, who then goes on to say he didn’t read the original post. It is to weep.

And this post by Rune:

> [@](#):
>
> Your main gripe seems to be that Sam doesn’t just admit he’s a racist, fascist, Nazi, misogynist, right wing extremist, child eating, SUV driving clansman.

This reply uses all the exaggeration I did. But Rune uses it to condemn me for using exaggeration, then says:

> [@](#):
>
> Perhaps there are some irony-teaching evening classes in your vicinity you could attend, as you seem to have some problems with the whole concept.

I’d consider it, but Irony School just got a wholesale deal on Dopers, enough to pay the rent for 10 years — and you’re taking the remedial class — so there’s no more room.

El Kabong got it with no problem:

> [@](#):
>
> Chuck wagon horse killing Tory toady", man, that’s comedy gold.

Gorsnak:

> [@](#):
>
> If anyone in that thread needed to be pitted, it was Foaming Cleanser for making a whole array of stupid, ignorant comments about western Canada, about which he hasn’t the first fucking clue. I was offended by most of what he said, and I usually vote for the flipping NDP.

You need more clue-gaining help than can be had on Earth, but kingpengvin, though proving he can write when sober, needs more help than can be had in the universe:

> [@](#):
>
> You are a moron… no worse you are a willfully ignorant voter. . . .You haven’t a fucking single clue or an ounce of forsight.

That’s **foresight**. I take the sober remark back.

The misplaced anger by the chattering classes continues, this one by hawthorne:

[QUOTE]  
You presumably posted this Pit thread so you could post that screed in your OP. But it’s not a victimless wank: I read a whole thread about Canadian politics.\*\*My reply after a willful misreading: (SATIRE!!!)That’s really good, hawthorne. Soon you’ll be able to read an _entire book!_

This, by Sam Stone:

> [@](#):
>
> This is too funny. Clearly, my ‘Pol Pot’ comment was a hyperbolic response to the ‘Alberta Taliban’ nonsense that dripped down Foaming Cleanser’s chin.
> 
> And so the guy who had written an entire page of hatred against people in the west is suddenly outraged - OUTRAGED! And to show his outrage at my hateful rhetoric, he abandons my pitting and uses the occasion to unleash an entire post full of vitriolic garbage against an entire province.

You’re outraged, but I’m shocked, shocked! at your remarks. You didn’t mean it literally that I would vote for Pol Pot? WHAT???

Oh, and kingpengvin:

> [@](#):
>
> Just to clear a few things. I’m not a big fan of the Conseratives but I have a real hate on for the courrupt party in power now.

You might find [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6807340&postcount=7http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6807340&postcount=7) interesting. But perhaps not.

alice\_in\_wonderland:

> [@](#):
>
> You’re nothing like Pol Pot - he was much, much smarter. Asshole.

And here I thought you had a modicum of intelligence. Tsk tsk.

Have a care, Mikemike2:

> [@](#):
>
> I would go on but I was trying to keep with this board’s policy of not feeding the trolls.

Now that we’ve covered Satire for Special Students, we can more on to irony. This thread about covers it.

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**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\
**Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/46 "2005-11-25T22:48:13Z")

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You win.\*

\*Now _there’s_ your fucking SATIRE!!! Douchebag.

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**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\
**Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/47 "2005-11-25T22:53:04Z")

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Your posts are stupid **FC**.

You froth on like a bigoted asshole, and then are surprised when people react negitively.

Gosh - why don’t I call Toronto and everyone from there a bunch of self-rightous assholes, with shit for brains and then act surprised when a few of them get offended.

You’re still an idiot. I still don’t give a shit about the election, and I still know that neither Alberta no Quebec is going to seperate from Canada.

It doesn’t change the fact that you’re a dumbass.

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**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\
**Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/48 "2005-11-25T22:58:40Z")

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> [@Foaming Cleanser](#):
>
> That’s foresight. I take the sober remark back.

> [@Foaming Cleanser](#):
>
> \*\*Cowgirl:\*\*Cowgirl understood immediately. No so you morons.

> [@Foaming Cleanser](#):
>
> alice\_in\_wonderland has the OP pegged. No so the moron gallery

And of course, since you want to waste time pointing out the “Forgotten E” in foresight, care to explain the whole “No so…” wording? I was thinking you meant “not so…” but I’m too busy planning my next foray into the wilderness to hunt down the gay black Jew women in our midst to figure it out… There may be a new way of speaking that you elites have formed. People like you seem to change tack every couple weeks or so when you get punked yet again on your vocal vomit. Oh, wait. Didn’t quite take that long this time, what with the backpeddling that would make a street performer envious.

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**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\
**Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/49 "2005-11-25T23:00:27Z")

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> [@elucidator](#):
>
> Canada has politics? Who knew?

Well . . . _kinda_. Canada’s a suburb of the US, so it has like \*suburban \*politics. But those school board campaigns can be pretty cut-throat.

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**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\
**Post date:** [November 26, 2005, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/50 "2005-11-26T00:14:26Z")

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Let me get this straight. Sam Stone’s reference to Pol Pot was obvious hyperbole. So he was being Pitted for… well, what, exactly?

Are we now at the point where you get pitted just for disagreeing with someone’s politics? Sure looks like it. The OP can backpedal and bullshit all he wants, but most of the criticism in the OP is directed against Sam’s rather commonplace, non-radical politics.

What a stupid OP. Satirical? Maybe. Stupid? Definitely.

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**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\
**Post date:** [November 26, 2005, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/51 "2005-11-26T00:45:16Z")

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**Foaming Cleanser** , this board thrives on high end satire, word play, mental exercises of hyperbole, and good old ignorance fighting.

You just can’t write or express coherent ideas to save your life. Most of us are smart enough to follow brilliance when its there. We checked and its not with you.

You are not a smart man. Growing up means realizing those limitations and this should be a sobering moment.

There is no shame in that. You just need to find a new hobby for everyone’s sake.

Best wishes,  
We will all remember you in a very special way

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\
**Post date:** [November 26, 2005, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/52 "2005-11-26T07:16:03Z")

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Satire is it?

Strange use of the word.

In fact, it reminds me of my father and his use of the word joke when he would make his comments on Blacks and Jews. Oh sure, a few of his buddies thought him hysterical, but it didn’t change the fact that the man was an ignorant bigot no more than your use of the word Satire changes the nature of the sewage you posted.

You may not be aware of this, but satire requires both intellegence and wit, qualities, my friend, which you were unable to show in the bile you wrote. In fact running back and not even owning the comments you made is pure cowardice. There is not much sadder than when a child is caught and tries to avoid critisism with “it was only a joke”

By the way, I do apologize if my typos and punctuation errors have distracted you from the meaning of my posts but I will try harder so as not to confuse you. What I was saying is that your are an idiot and a fool. Your pitting of Sam is pathetic to say the least. You vomit out a pointless insulting attack on Westerners in the GD thread about the election and the second any one drops one-inch of hyperbole your way you pit them.

So, simply put, (and please don’t misinterpret my meaning here) Fuck you.

I may have overstated the case, and I’m not afraid to admit that, however that does not excuse you from opening that shit filled skull of yours and emptying the worthless contents on the forum without challenge.

Finally a last word regarding your use of Swift and his “Modest Proposal”. It is always pathetic to see someone write dreck and the try to use a well-known piece of work as its defense.

I have read Swift Sir, and I have to say that you are not swift.

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**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\
**Post date:** [November 26, 2005, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/53 "2005-11-26T07:44:02Z")

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> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#):
>
> Y  
> Gosh - why don’t I call Toronto and everyone from there a bunch of self-rightous assholes, with shit for brains and then act surprised when a few of them get offended.

You could just quote Arrogant Worms:

> [@Arrogant Worms](#):
>
> I hate the skydome and the CN tower too,  
> I hate Nathan Phillip’s square and the Ontario Zoo,  
> The rent’s too high, the air’s unclean,  
> The beaches are dirty and the people are mean,  
> And the women are big and the men are dumb,  
> And the children are loopy cuz they live in a slum!  
> The water is polluted and their mayor’s a dork,  
> They dress real bad and they think they’re New York,  
> In Toronto, Ontario-o-o  
> -Ya know actually I, I think I pretty much hate all of Ontario-  
> (Oh yeah, me too!)  
> I hate Thunder Bay and Ottawa, Kitchener, Windsor and Oshawa  
> London sucks and the Great Lakes suck and Sarnia sucks and Turkey point sucks,  
> I took a trip to Ontario to visit Brian Mulruney,  
> He beat me up and he stole my pants and he put me in a tree,  
> I went to see the Maple-Leafs and got hit in the head with a puck,  
> (Ah, I-I don’t evenknow how they did it really, I mean I was playing the organ at the time!)  
> ONTARIO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O SUCKS,

Entire lyrics [here](http://www.smartlyrics.com/Song188879-Arrogant-Worms-The-Toronto-Song-lyrics.aspx)

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**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\
**Post date:** [November 26, 2005, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/54 "2005-11-26T14:05:25Z")

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> [@Foaming Cleanser](#):
>
> El Kabong got it with no problem:

I believe you have misunderstood. I wasn’t laughing with you, I was laughing at you.

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**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\
**Post date:** [November 26, 2005, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/55 "2005-11-26T23:47:20Z")

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> [@Foaming Cleanser](#):
>
> **alice\_in\_wonderland** has the OP pegged.

> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#):
>
> Your posts are stupid **FC**.

**Foaming Cleanser** is right about this, at least.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\
**Post date:** [November 26, 2005, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/56 "2005-11-26T23:52:20Z")

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**Foaming Cleanser** eats stupid food for breakfast.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\
**Post date:** [November 27, 2005, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/57 "2005-11-27T00:04:37Z")

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Well, you have to give the OP this much credit: he certainly is foaming.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\
**Post date:** [November 27, 2005, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/58 "2005-11-27T07:14:22Z")

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I thought the OP’s rant was well written and sharp, but didn’t work as a Pitting due to Sam Stone’s general lack of resemblance to the topic of the Pitting. I think the OP writer shows promise, but should work on focussing his rant topics a little more.

And bondage for everybody!

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\
**Post date:** [November 27, 2005, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/59 "2005-11-27T16:52:01Z")

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> [@Evil Captor](#):
>
> And bondage for everybody!

You’re nothing if not consistant! 😛

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\
**Post date:** [November 27, 2005, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sam-stone/332667/60 "2005-11-27T17:05:17Z")

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> [@Evil Captor](#):
>
> And bondage for everybody!

Haven’t you beaten that horse enough? :dubious: 😃

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