# Same name as your ex, dealbreaker?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [April 18, 2018, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662 "2018-04-18T21:46:50Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2018, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/1 "2018-04-18T21:46:50Z")
I’ve started to date someone. It looks promising but it’s early in the process. One topic that has come up is that she has the same first name as my ex-wife. She asked me if it would be a problem for me. Quite truthfully it doesn’t bother me at all. But it’s been so long since I was with my ex that any hint of feelings has been long gone.
So what the hell I made it a poll. Would it bother you to start a relationship with someone who has the same name as your ex-spouse or significant other? Not bother you at all? Bother you but wouldn’t stop you from dating them?
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### Author:  [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2018, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/2 "2018-04-18T21:48:37Z")
It wouldn’t bother me, but it would get real confusing to ever talk about my relationship history with anyone. Particularly with the future Mrs SameName #3.
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### Author:  [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2018, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/3 "2018-04-18T22:55:59Z")
Could save you from some embarrassment when you accidentally call her by your ex’s name.
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### Author:  [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2018, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/4 "2018-04-18T23:23:50Z")
My Dad married two Betties, then after divorcing Betty2, dated Ann prior to marrying Jan, who once was married to Dan.
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### Author:  [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2018, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/5 "2018-04-18T23:40:20Z")
> [@JohnT](#):
>
> My Dad married two Betties, then after divorcing Betty2, dated Ann prior to marrying Jan, who once was married to Dan.
I’ve been divorced from 2 Roberts, same last initial and number of letters in their last name, w/ a 6.5 year age difference from me, both in engineering.
I don’t actively avoid dating Roberts now but I also believe I will never get married again.
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### Author:  [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2018, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/6 "2018-04-18T23:54:35Z")
I say could. But my husband’s first name is really common. If I put his name out of the dating pool there would be a lot less candidates.
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### Author:  [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/7 "2018-04-19T00:36:42Z")
I know a widow who married eight guys named Henry.
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### Author:  [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/8 "2018-04-19T00:39:07Z")
She wouldn’t have a Willy or a Sam?
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/9 "2018-04-19T00:45:35Z")
Depends on _which_ ex. 😉
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### Author:  [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/10 "2018-04-19T00:58:11Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#):
>
> She wouldn’t have a Willy or a Sam?
No Sam!
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### Author:  [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/11 "2018-04-19T01:08:23Z")
Without hesitation. It’s too silly a hangup to allow it to influence one’s life.
A name is ultimately an arbitrary label.
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### Author:  [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/12 "2018-04-19T01:16:57Z")
> [@begbert2](#):
>
> It wouldn’t bother me, but it would get real confusing to ever talk about my relationship history with anyone. Particularly with the future Mrs SameName #3.
My policy is to discuss past paramours as little as possible in the context of a current relationship.
1. There’s no good in it. I don’t want the current significant other to be comparing, favorably or unfavorably, herself. Our experiences are ours. The past belongs in the past.
2. I want to get in the habit of not thinking about that person.
3. I don’t want to create any fodder for arguments.
4. Other things that just slipped my mind
I had a friend who had a sister, a first wife, and a second wife, all named “Rhonda.” So far as I can tell that’s all they really had in common other than him, and all being from the same small town.
His third wife has a different name.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/13 "2018-04-19T01:22:07Z")
> [@Acsenray](#):
>
> My policy is to discuss past paramours as little as possible in the context of a current relationship.
>
> 1. There’s no good in it. I don’t want the current significant other to be comparing, favorably or unfavorably, herself. Our experiences are ours. The past belongs in the past.
>
> 2. I want to get in the habit of not thinking about that person.
>
> 3. I don’t want to create any fodder for arguments.
Agreed on all counts.
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### Author:  [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/14 "2018-04-19T01:40:25Z")
> [@Acsenray](#):
>
> My policy is to discuss past paramours as little as possible in the context of a current relationship.
>
> 1. There’s no good in it. I don’t want the current significant other to be comparing, favorably or unfavorably, herself. Our experiences are ours. The past belongs in the past.
>
> 2. I want to get in the habit of not thinking about that person.
>
> 3. I don’t want to create any fodder for arguments.
>
> 4. Other things that just slipped my mind
>
> I had a friend who had a sister, a first wife, and a second wife, all named “Rhonda.” So far as I can tell that’s all they really had in common other than him, and all being from the same small town.
> His third wife has a different name.
Ex-spouses aren’t in the past. If you have kids they have to be a part of your life. At my age, in the context of a possible dating partner, I’m leery of anyone who was never married and had no kids. They simply don’t understand. So we discuss our exes because I have one daughter who lives with mine and her ex is suing for spousal support. It’s hard to avoid the subject.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/15 "2018-04-19T01:55:26Z")
> [@Loach](#):
>
> Ex-spouses aren’t in the past. If you have kids they have to be a part of your life. At my age, in the context of a possible dating partner, I’m leery of anyone who was never married and had no kids. They simply don’t understand. So we discuss our exes because I have one daughter who lives with mine and her ex is suing for spousal support. It’s hard to avoid the subject.
The relationship is in the past. That is what I took it to mean. Yes, you have kids together so your ex will still and always be a part of your life, a life that will include new relationships. That doesn’t mean the past relationship should be discussed at length or compared to the new relationship. It’s the relationship that’s in the past, not the bond of parenthood.
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### Author:  [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/16 "2018-04-19T04:34:32Z")
90% of the girls I ever went out with were either a Debbie, Mary or Beth so basically no -------- I would be fine with another Mary if anything happened to my wife.
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### Author:  [@JpnDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JpnDude)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/17 "2018-04-19T05:05:41Z")
It wouldn’t bother me if the new girl had the same name as the ex, but it might bother me if she had the same name of my sister or mother.
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### Author:  [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/18 "2018-04-19T05:35:55Z")
I dated a guy with the same first name as my ex-husband–the same controlling, abusive ex who stalked me for years after I finally left him. The guy I dated was great, but I couldn’t bear calling him by the same name as my ex. I gave him an affectionate nickname and used that. He was fine with it.
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### Author:  [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/19 "2018-04-19T17:53:49Z")
I have never dated a Jen, so that makes it easy for me.
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### Author:  [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2018, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-name-as-your-ex-dealbreaker/812662/20 "2018-04-19T18:05:02Z")
No problem. Saves the trouble and expense of getting the tattoo altered.
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