# Same-Sex Flirting on the SDMB **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 15, 2001, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592 "2001-10-15T23:12:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/21 "2001-10-16T04:42:08Z")
It seems that not only do most folks not mind, but that there is a serious lack of flirting going on. We should all come together and make sure everyone’s flirt needs are met. Maybe there should be a government agency to allocate flirting to those most in need. 😉 I don’t mind a bit being flirted with by guys on the SDMB. In fact, I’d probably enjoy it. In real life, I might be a little uncomfortable, but only in a “what will my friends think if I flirt back?” sort of way. ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/22 "2001-10-16T04:55:58Z")
Well, the few flirts I’ve had here have been women… but, since I’m bisexual, it doesn’t bother me in the least. I’m generally ignored by the male populace here, anyways. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/23 "2001-10-16T05:59:45Z")
I’m straight, but I think I’m actually more apt to flirt with women than with men. I think it’s because it feels very safe. I worry less about someone misconstruing my seriousness or intent when it’s aimed at someone with whom I would not, in real life, start something with. And I don’t feel disloyal to my wonderful husband. Another factor is that I’m at a time in my life when I appreciate the wit and wisdom of women more than ever. Also their beauty, and I mean that in utter disregard of physical appearance. Women are just so fantastic, and the women of the SDMB even more so. So it feels natural to flirt with them at times. I fel very flattered when anyone flirts with me, male or female, and it’s not weird when the women are lesbian or bi. I guess the ultimate in compliments would be getting a gay guy to flirt with me, eh? Haven’t achieved that one yet. 🙂 All this said, I’m really not much of a flirt. I do admire the hell out of a number of posters, though. I just think that sometimes, _sometimes_ the flirting goes beyond its usefulness (which, in my narrow opinion, is to remind us all how attractive our wit and intellect can make us, a message which is too often unsent in real life) and instead gets too cute and gender-oriented and even demoralizing. ---
**Author:** ![fchick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/919ad9/32.png) [@fchick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fchick)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/24 "2001-10-16T11:23:54Z")
I didn’t know that sort of thing happened 'round here (flirting, that is, not same-sex stuff!). I really gotta get more into the message boards! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/25 "2001-10-16T12:28:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Geobabe \* > **I am straight, so if a woman were to seriously express an interest (that has not happened thus far), I would be flattered but not interested.** ☹ Dang. There go fantasies #2, 7, and 14-23. For me, lump me in with the “married/straight/monogamous” crowd–it’s all in fun no matter what plumbing people on the other side of the message board have, so it doesn’t really matter to me. Oh, yeah, also include me into the “hardly ever get flirted with anyway” crowd. Darnitall. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/26 "2001-10-16T12:30:30Z")
p.s. I generally find gay/bi/whatever people to be fun, interesting, fascinating people, so any opportunity to talk/interact with them is a good thing. Some of my best friends, family members, and ex-girlfriends are g/b/w. I’ve just never been attracted to any guys. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/27 "2001-10-16T12:31:46Z")
Well I’m a straight man that is very secure in his sexuality so to say the least it wouldn’t bother me a bit. In fact I do know some gay people and they have flirted with me before and not only does it not bother me but I find it quite amussing cuz my gay friends know I’m far from being gay and for them to flirt with me like that,is well, funny. They usualy get smartassed remarks in return when they do that.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/28 "2001-10-16T14:56:02Z")
This is a thread about same-sex flirting, and there’s pretty much no same-sex flirting going on. This is not good. So, boys, how are YOU doin’? ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/29 "2001-10-16T15:36:36Z")
Of course, I never flirt, but… _snort_ Anyhow…I like to know the gender just so I get the correct pronouns AND body parts, for cryin’ out loud. If I’m going to virtually suck on someone’s nipples, I’d like to know whether they’re atop luscious lumps of sweet girlflesh or darkly musky manchest. I have to admit a certain amount of frustration when I’m flirted with by straight chicks…just because that vaguely titillating “it **could** happen” thrill is utterly absent. Cries of “maybe YOU could make me change my mind, Hammy…wink wink” are flattering and everything, but any flirting back I do is necessarily half-hearted. I’m not saying that I would merrily jump every person with whom I’ve ever flirted. Nowadays, though, I don’t really flirt with anyone with whom I wouldn’t at least be WILLING to follow through…but it’s not like I ever expect anything. I always assume everyone I flirt with thinks I’m kidding anyhow. And you know…overall, that’s **really** for the best. 😃 (oh, and big duh, I’m bisexual.) ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/30 "2001-10-16T16:31:32Z")
That’s a very interesting OP, **Esprix**. Why don’t you come over here and sit down (pat, pat) and we’ll discuss it over some wine? ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/31 "2001-10-16T16:32:38Z")
OK by me. As long as if I flirt back, no one calls me a tease or anything. ---
**Author:** ![Venoma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/32 "2001-10-16T17:27:45Z")
_shrug_ I’ve always flirted with my female friends (at least once I got away from the b!tches in HS who were calling me a dyke 😉 ) online and off, mostly because I can count on them not to take me seriously. I also flirt with my male friends, online and off, but have run into problems when some of them take it too seriously. I flirt towards males with more discretion now, as a result. (said guys, if I was serious, you’d have a naked me on your lap. Think about it. Subtle I am NOT.) Orientation? _shrug_ occupied, so I don’t have to decide 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/33 "2001-10-16T17:36:59Z")
Flirting’s a great compliment, no matter the sex of the flirter. I, too, am in the happily-married-so-it-don’t-mean-nuthin’ crowd, and also in the barely-have-enough-energy-with-a-new-crying- baby-in-the-house-to-smooch-my-wife-much-less-flirt-with-anyone-crowd. But I can’t imagine message-board flirting making me uncomfortable. Also, I seem to be running low on hyphens. - Rick ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/34 "2001-10-16T17:55:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Geobabe \* > > \*\*I am straight, so if a woman were to seriously express an interest (that has not happened thus far), I would be flattered but not interested. \*\* > > Aww…bummer. > > ::marking Geobabe off the list:: > > 😉 \*\* Sorry, honey. If it’ll make you feel any better, if you make it to NYCDope, you can grope me if you want. I won’t mind. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/35 "2001-10-16T17:59:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Geobabe \* > Sorry, honey. If it’ll make you feel any better, if you make it to NYCDope, you can grope me if you want. I won’t mind. Ah, would that this were a generalized invitation! - Rick \*Ah, who am I kidding? No groping for me, even _with_ invitation… \* ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/36 "2001-10-16T18:00:25Z")
Esprix! Yowza! \ Doesn’t bother me. ---
**Author:** ![urban1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d07c76/32.png) [@urban1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/urban1)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/37 "2001-10-16T19:38:46Z")
Well, none of you guys has flirted with me online. But, then, no one flirts with me IRL, either. \ ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/38 "2001-10-17T07:09:40Z")
Interesting. I asked because it seems I’ve been making some people very uncomfortable with my flirting, so I’ve decided to stop doing it altogether. Thanks for the input. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/39 "2001-10-17T14:21:41Z")
Let’s turn this around, **Esprix** : how do you feel when straight women who know you’re gay flirt with you, either here or IRL? Now, as a SBNN male, when a gay man flirts with me, I’m simply flattered. But I’m thinking, if I were a gay man and straight women flirted with me, there’s room for other feelings. Maybe she’s trying to convert you? Is she signaling some kind of homophobic antagonism? I guess it would depend on how well you knew the woman. But in general, how do you react? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592/40 "2001-10-17T14:39:21Z")
Unfortunately, I think we’re not seeing a representative sample here. People who would be unconfortable with being flirted with are probably looking at all the neutral-to-okay-with-it responses and thinking, “I’m not going there. They’ll poke fun at me. Buncha fairies.” Or something like that. Well, maybe not the “fairies” part, but you get the idea. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-flirting-on-the-sdmb/87592.md?page=3)