# Same-sex marriage--wait or go to Canada? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 10, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-wait-or-go-to-canada/187356 "2003-07-10T00:19:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-wait-or-go-to-canada/187356/21 "2003-07-11T03:09:42Z")
Sentiment. Which, if I may say, is the reason there’s a wedding in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-wait-or-go-to-canada/187356/22 "2003-07-11T03:46:00Z")
What part of “All the EMOTIONAL and social importance” was difficult to grasp? Doesn’t that include sentiment? Again, it seems to be if you’re an American holding a marriage ceremony and inviting your family and friends because you want them there, it makes damned little sense to run across the border to Canada and make them drive up with you to hold it when you could hold the same ceremony at home in the States. Legally, a Canadian gay marriage isn’t legal in the States. So unless you move to Canada permanently, there’s no point in bothering to get it done in Canada. What benefit would it possibly give you if you aren’t living in Canada? I mean, isn’t that what the OP was asking? But, hey, if they want to come here PERMANENTLY, I say go for it. There’s lots of room. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-wait-or-go-to-canada/187356/23 "2003-07-11T04:21:12Z")
> [@](#): > > I don’t understand same sex marriages. It’s not like they are legal (now) so why go through the motions? Love? The support of your family and friends? Your commitment to your community, and your community to you, that you will cherish your bonds and are to be held accountable to your vows? > [@](#): > > I have a friend who is a lesbian and just had a ceremony. I don’t think its going to work out a year from now - - so all they have to do is seperate. Sure. Same for heterosexuals. > [@](#): > > if you’re an American holding a marriage ceremony and inviting your family and friends because you want them there, it makes damned little sense to run across the border to Canada and make them drive up with you to hold it when you could hold the same ceremony at home in the States. It’s not the same ceremony to me if the state’s relationship to it is different, even if it’s not my state. We have already had a ceremony with an officiant and our families and friends. We would invite our families and friends if we went to Canada, but would have a discussion with them about what it meant to us and why we were inviting them to another event. My mother would be thrilled if my marriage were recognized by any state. > [@](#): > > A gay marriage in Canada will have no legal standing in the United States I don’t live in Vermont, but as I noted above, a Vermont civil union caused my reluctant local newspaper to include a deceased woman’s female partner in the obituary. Legitimacy in one venue sometimes increases rights and privileges in another. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-wait-or-go-to-canada/187356/24 "2003-07-11T04:45:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shoshana \* > \*\*In my community, the _only_ obituary I’ve seen naming the same-sex partner was one in which the obituary stated that the couple had had a civil union in Vermont. This was apparently enough to make the paper print the partner’s name, though its policy was not to do so. \*\* But refusing to include a same-sex partner in the obit would make the newspaper liable for discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation under human rights law. Oh, wait, this is the U.S. … ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2003, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-wait-or-go-to-canada/187356/25 "2003-07-12T13:53:41Z")
That’s what I mean, RickJay. It can be of sentimental value to hold a legal ceremony, even if it isn’t legal once you get home. ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-wait-or-go-to-canada/187356/26 "2003-07-15T13:02:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Walloon \* > \*\*The U.S. government recognizes marriages only if they are heterosexual. Chapter 1, Title 1, U.S. Code: \*\* ## quote: ## In determining the meaning of any Act of Congress, or of any ruling, regulation, or interpretation of the various administrative bureaus and agencies of the United States, the word ‘marriage’ means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife, and the word ‘spouse’ refers only to a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife. And all of that is pretty damn similar to what Canadian Parliament set into law in the past two decades-- and was found unconstitutional by courts in Ontario, Quebec and BC. You folks are aware that common law courts between the two nations do occasionally look at each other for precedence, right? So what you’ve got is U.S. gays marrying in Canada, and they _will_ sue their home state and country to get legal recognition. ---
**Author:** ![spectrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@spectrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spectrum)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-wait-or-go-to-canada/187356/27 "2003-07-15T17:13:14Z")
If I weren’t an ugly and unlovable person, and there were someone I wanted to “marry,” even though it wasn’t legal here in America, I’d go to Canada. Because it would mean that much more to know that I’m legally married somewhere, even if this worthless, backwards, bastard country refuses to acknowledge reality. ---
**Author:** ![Gravity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gravity/32/14322_2.png) [@Gravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gravity)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-wait-or-go-to-canada/187356/28 "2003-07-15T17:29:04Z")
Being in the Pacific northwest, it would probably be closer to just go to Canada, huh? I do live in Vermont, and my girl and I had a civil union in 2000. I was gonna encourage you to come up here and have that done. No residency requirement, you pick up the civil union license from the town clerk in the town you want it done. There are even a couple of bed & breakfasts and country inns that offer civil union packages, I belive. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-wait-or-go-to-canada/187356/29 "2003-07-15T17:41:50Z")
\*\* Gravity, \*\* I once had a cat with your name! We have been to Vermont and had a very nice civil union in Brattleboro, staying at a lesbian B&B in Massachusetts afterward–Tin Roof Inn, perhaps? Everyone at the town clerk’s office was happy and helpful. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-wait-or-go-to-canada/187356.md?page=1)