# Same-sex marriage, who takes the name?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [July 14, 2009, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057 "2009-07-14T23:15:05Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2009, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/1 "2009-07-14T23:15:05Z")
In same-sex marriages, which partner takes the last name? How is this determined?
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### Author:  [@Dusty\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dusty_Rose)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2009, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/2 "2009-07-14T23:18:22Z")
My very dear friend and his husband hyphenated theirs. They were able to marry before California got all stupid. đ
None of my other gay friends are allowed to be married, so they are the only couple I can comment on.
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2009, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/3 "2009-07-14T23:22:06Z")
In Ontario, the arrangement of names is left up to the couple concerned.
The law says that the married couple can have the family name of Spouse A, that of Spouse B, that of A followed by B, or that of B followed by A.
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### Author:  [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2009, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/4 "2009-07-14T23:32:52Z")
In some states, even for heterosexual couples, both partners get a free opportunity to change their names to whatever they want. Most often, the husband chooses to keep his name and the wife chooses to take his, but it could go the other way around, or both choosing a completely new name. Presumably, if any such states allow gay marriage, the same rule would apply, and itâd be up to the couple to decide.
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### Author:  [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2009, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/5 "2009-07-14T23:35:07Z")
In the U.S., people generally have the freedom to name themselves whatever they want regardless of most anything with or without legal approval (with a few exceptions). A marriage allows a free legal name change for the bride at least with the purchase of a marriage license which it isnât technically necessary but often the easiest way logistically. The groom may also get one too for whatever the couple decides on. My ex-wife used my last name personally, her maiden name for business, and the hyphenated version for other purposes without a problem and that is common. Gay marriages have the same rights. If there was a real issue, it just takes a simple court rubber-stamp before a judge to make it legal in government records and databases to make the last name whatever the couple wants. Some people pick a name completely different from anything their families have.
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### Author:  [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2009, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/6 "2009-07-14T23:52:16Z")
In California, thereâs no automatic name change for any marriages, so the two people have to decide for themselves.
FWIW, when we got married last June, we each kept our own names.
> [@California's current marriage license application form](#):
>
> INFORMATION REGARDING THE NAME EQUALITY ACT OF 2007
> One or both parties to a marriage may elect to change the middle or last names by which that party wishes to be known after they are married by entering the new name in fields 30A thru 31C, as applicable, on the marriage license application at the time they are applying for the marriage license. The parties may choose any of the following middle or last names as the name they wish to be known as after marriage [FC § 306.5(b)(2)]:
> [ul]
> [li]Current last name of the other spouse [/li][li]Last name of either spouse given at birth [/li][li]A name combining into a single last name all or a segment of the current last name or last name of either spouse given at birth [/li][li]A hyphenated combination of last names[/li][/ul]
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### Author:  [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/7 "2009-07-15T03:12:12Z")
And just for fun: In QuĂ©bec, you keep your own name. You are free to call yourself anything you like socially, but on all legal/government documents etc, you retain your name. Marriage does not allow for a free name change like it does in most other jurisdictions (that I know if, in Canada and the US), and itâs been this way in la belle province since the early 1970s. To change your name youâd have to go through the same process any other random person would have to do to change theirs.
Which worked out well for me, because that meant I never had to decide if I wanted my husbandâs distinctive name or notâŠthe choice was made for me! Nope!
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### Author:  [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/8 "2009-07-15T05:03:01Z")
Yeah, database ate my post. Short answer: We kept our names.
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### Author:  [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/9 "2009-07-15T05:16:48Z")
Weâre going to each keep our own names.
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/10 "2009-07-15T05:44:00Z")
> [@Sunspace](#):
>
> In Ontario, the arrangement of names is left up to the couple concerned.
>
> The law says that the married couple can have the family name of Spouse A, that of Spouse B, that of A followed by B, or that of B followed by A.
Edit: or they can each retain their previous name. I believe that marriage allows the spouses a âfreeâ name change, as opposed to any other time, where you have to go through a more involved procedure and possibly pay more. [Link.](http://www.ontario.ca/en/information_bundle/individuals/119596) The linked website (from the Province of Ontario) speaks of [âassumingâ](http://www.ontario.ca/en/information_bundle/individuals/119599) a name upon marriage, which apparently does not remove the original name.
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### Author:  [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/11 "2009-07-15T06:15:01Z")
My daughter and DIL hyphenated their names. They flipped a coin to see whose birth name when first. đ Daughterâs won.
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### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/12 "2009-07-15T06:27:31Z")
In Spain it isnât customary to take your spouseâs name. As for which lastname goes first for any common children, the couple decides it. Traditionally in Spain the fatherâs lastname went first and in Portugal the motherâs, but in both countries it is possible to choose the other order if the parents want. For a same-sex couple, there simply isnât a default option about which goes first.
Since people are likely to have heard of this custom: in Hispanic countries the wife can add her husbandâs lastnames to hers, but this is for social purposes only, it doesnât go on the paperwork: a Carmen GarcĂa who becomes âCarmen GarcĂa, wife of PĂ©rezâ would still be Carmen GarcĂa for purposes of SS, ID, etc. Itâs really not any different from becoming âChild#1âs Daddyâ when your firstborn starts school; people from my hometown are extremely unlikely to recognize my full name, but if you say âthe Navabroâs sisterâ they will go âoh, yeah, Nava!â and give you a biographical extract.
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### Author:  [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/13 "2009-07-15T06:52:08Z")
My good friends (hetero) in NYC have been married over 20 years and they both kept their original last names. They both had extensive business ties and didnât want to go through the hassle of having to contact everyone they knew and changing anything.
I would imagine a lot of Gay couples would do the same - just keep their names.
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### Author:  [@hammos1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hammos1)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/14 "2009-07-15T08:11:15Z")
For those of you who are married, but have kept your own names- what name have/will your kids take(n)?
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### Author:  [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/15 "2009-07-15T08:38:31Z")
Never mind.
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### Author:  [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/16 "2009-07-15T13:38:12Z")
No kids. If we had kids, I presume weâd either choose a name in common or, since our state doesnât recognize our marriage per se, the name of the non-bio parent to help establish evidence for the parental relationship.
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### Author:  [@filling\_pages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filling_pages)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/17 "2009-07-15T14:51:58Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#):
>
> In the U.S., people generally have the freedom to name themselves whatever they want regardless of most anything with or without legal approval (with a few exceptions). A marriage allows a free legal name change for the bride at least with the purchase of a marriage license which it isnât technically necessary but often the easiest way logistically. The groom may also get one too for whatever the couple decides on. My ex-wife used my last name personally, her maiden name for business, and the hyphenated version for other purposes without a problem and that is common. Gay marriages have the same rights. If there was a real issue, it just takes a simple court rubber-stamp before a judge to make it legal in government records and databases to make the last name whatever the couple wants. Some people pick a name completely different from anything their families have.
In Florida, at least, that rubber stamp will cost you $200 - $300 per person. A free name change for one partner is one of those benefits associated with legal marriage that gays and lesbians donât have access to.
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### Author:  [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/18 "2009-07-15T15:01:13Z")
In the gay couples I know, the partners either kept their original last names or hyphenated their names. No one simply changed his/her last name to his/her partnerâs.
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### Author:  [@rivulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rivulus)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/19 "2009-07-15T20:06:01Z")
> [@hammos1](#):
>
> For those of you who are married, but have kept your own names- what name have/will your kids take(n)?
We are married in Canada, each keeping our own names. However, we are technically unmarried in Missouri, where we currently live.
When we had our son, I carried/birthed him but we gave him the last name of my partner. This is because there was a 6 month waiting period before we could go to court for a second parent adoption, which would make my partner a legal parent along with me. Just in case anything happened to me (i.e. I died or became incapacitated) in that 6 month period, we wanted to be sure that we established in no uncertain terms that my partner was equally the parent of our child, although I gave birth to him. So we gave him her fatherâs first name as well as her last name to establish intent, of some sort. (Besides which, we liked those names, which was also a consideration!) Living in something of a backwater like Missouri, you are at the mercy of the personal biases of judges when ruling on family matters involving gay or lesbian parents. Therefore, we did everything in our means, legally and symbolically, to make sure that my partner had connections to _our_ son that even a blind bigot could recognize. Not that it would prevent a bigoted judge from ruling however he or she pleased, but it would offer a more moderate judge some clear guidelines on our intent for my partner to be a parent to our son.
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### Author:  [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/same-sex-marriage-who-takes-the-name/503057/20 "2009-07-16T01:23:17Z")
> [@hammos1](#):
>
> For those of you who are married, but have kept your own names- what name have/will your kids take(n)?
Probably his name; mineâs less interesting. We might give them both, but not hyphenatedâŠmine as a middle name or something.
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