# Sandwich rules **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 21, 2012, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219 "2012-08-21T21:37:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/41 "2012-08-22T05:32:58Z")
No footlongs. They make me uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/42 "2012-08-22T06:01:04Z")
> [@Bayard](#): > > This is what I was going to say. I ate PB&J almost every day in grade school, and putting peanut butter on both slices of bread was crucial to the success of the sandwich. The thought of purple, jelly-fouled bread still makes me gag a little. Totally. Bread, PB, Jelly, PB, Bread. As God intended. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/43 "2012-08-22T06:37:39Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > What about a meatloaf sandwich? Ketchup on a hot meatloaf sandwich is fine. The question of ketchup on a cold meatloaf sandwich is a moot point because nobody should eat cold meatloaf. Put it in the microwave and heat it up like God intended. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/44 "2012-08-22T07:31:08Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > I generally agree with the No Ketchup On (cold) Sandwiches rule, but feel there should be an exception for some leftovers meats, such as on meatloaf or thinly sliced next-day barbecued tri-tip with a little provolone added. I don’t feel strongly enough to go to the mat on that, but will form a splinter sandwich schism if persecuted. I think we need about 85 more rules before we nail them to the door of our local Quiznos. ---
**Author:** ![MaltLiquor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@MaltLiquor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaltLiquor)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/45 "2012-08-22T07:52:53Z")
This is going better than a whole lot of hotdog threads did. There should never be mixing of poultry and beef. Sheldon is an idiot for even thinking that would turn out good. If you have had one then you just tasted the condiments, heathens. Eggs and mayonnaise only go together in an egg salad sandwich. No exceptions, EVER! On a BLT the bread must be toasted. It actually doesn’t matter if it is warm but no crispy, no BLT. Wonder bread is good for PBJ’s and cheap cheese sandwiches, not grilled the cold kind. Grilled cheese can have butter on the outside and the inside, there is no such thing as margarine. If you have a problem in the top to bottom order of your ingredients, turn it over, though only someone with no taste buds would put the mustard on any other side but the meat. If the devil himself sweated out evil it would be Miracle Whip. If you find this vile substance in your house you must not throw it away. You find the perpatrator that sold their soul and let them see you smash it on the ground. Margarine is the loser cousin that wants to be as bad as Miricale Whip. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/46 "2012-08-22T07:57:50Z")
Rule for pre-made sandwiches: list ALL the ingredients. Those of us who have food allergies/sensitivities will appreciate it. That includes indicating the possible species of fish, if applicable. Personal rule for non-sourdough sandwiches: if the bread is white, it needs to be toasted somewhat, no matter what the ingredients are. If it’s not white, it may still need toasting depending on whether there are ingredients which can hold the sandwich together. If you didn’t grow up on sourdough bread, this rule may or may not apply. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/47 "2012-08-22T08:26:59Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > 1. A piece of bread goes on the bottom. > 2. Mustard goes on the bread. > 3. Meat goes on the mustard > 4. Cheese goes on the meat > 5. Optional - lettuce, tomato, onion go on the cheese > 6. A piece of bread goes on the top > > Note that only steps 1 and 6 are absolutely necessary. So you consider that a stack of two pieces of dry bread can be described as a sandwich? I don’t think so. ---
**Author:** ![kcor1953](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kcor1953/32/3221_2.png) [@kcor1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kcor1953)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/48 "2012-08-22T12:01:21Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > This is perhaps the most important rule: > > All major ingredients and condiments shall extend to all edges of the bread, so as to fill the sandwich completely. No one wants to eat a dry, empty crustal border. Affirm, with this proviso: Major non-spreadable ingredients which are by nature a) not bread-shaped and b) smaller in area than bread need not so extend, but creator of record should take every measure practicable to alter shape of ingredient to permit such extension (e.g. bisecting balogna slice transversely and reversing orientation laterally; some overlap of curved edges in center of sandwich acceptable in such circumstance). Exception to above: When bread is of nature of hard roll this provision may be ignored. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/49 "2012-08-22T12:20:18Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > No footlongs. They make me uncomfortable. Looking for the “Ask the amateur porn director” thread? ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/50 "2012-08-22T12:29:58Z")
To make a proper turkey sub: Place turkey on bun Place cheese on top of turkey Microwave until cheese is nice and soft Pry top bun away from cheese Apply Miracle Whip light to top bun If lettuce is handy, it may go between cheese and top bun To eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich: Jelly must be on the top as it goes in your mouth, else peanut butter sticks to roof of mouth. To make a tuna sandwich: take 3 pieces of bread and toast them on the darkest setting take 1/2 can of tuna and add Miracle Whip light Apply spread to piece of toast, cover with piece of toast, apply more spread, apply another piece of toast ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/51 "2012-08-22T12:34:40Z")
Grape or strawberry are acceptable alternatives but the ultimate PBJ is made with seedless black raspberry jam. ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Mama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5ac83/32.png) [@Atomic\_Mama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Mama)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/52 "2012-08-22T13:18:15Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > 1. The mustard is spread on the meat-side of the sandwich, and is in contact with the meat in the completed sandwich. 1. The mayo is on the lettuce-side on the sandwich, and in contact with the BREAD :smack: ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/53 "2012-08-22T13:19:03Z")
The rules are being covered quite well in this thread, so I have an observation: A home-made sandwich typically tastes better if someone \*else \*makes it. ---
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/54 "2012-08-22T13:42:30Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Ketchup on a hot meatloaf sandwich is fine. The question of ketchup on a cold meatloaf sandwich is a moot point because nobody should eat cold meatloaf. Put it in the microwave and heat it up like God intended. Nobody should eat cold meatloaf? Even on a sandwich? BLASPHEMER! ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/55 "2012-08-22T13:57:14Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > So you consider that a stack of two pieces of dry bread can be described as a sandwich? I don’t think so. Well you are wrong. A[Wish Sandwich](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYyBZE0kBtE) consists simply of two pieces of bread. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/56 "2012-08-22T14:04:04Z")
> [@Shark\_Sandwich](#): > > Nobody should eat cold meatloaf? Even on a sandwich? > > BLASPHEMER! Buncha weird rules here, but the suggestion that cold meatloaf doesn’t belong on a sandwich may be the oddest. I mean, hot meatloaf sandwiches are fine, too, but cold meatloaf is pretty awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/57 "2012-08-22T14:15:55Z")
I understand I’m in the minority here. For me, however, no mayo, no mustard, no ketchup. (Not even on a fried egg sandwich.) Just meat, cheese, and maybe some lettuce and/or onion. ---
**Author:** ![Bass\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/43a26b/32.png) [@Bass\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bass_Chick)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/58 "2012-08-22T14:33:36Z")
1. Condiments should be on the side unless the sandwich is to be eaten immediately after preparation. 2. Mayo goes on the side of the bread next to the lettuce. 3. A tomato slice should never touch the bread unless you’re making a tomato sandwich. 4. Ketchup, hot sauce and bar-b-q sauce go on hot sandwiches. Who eats cold meatloaf? 5. Pickles or peppers must be drained. 6. Bacon (or any other tough-textured ingredient) must be cut up so the sandwich won’t tear apart when you bite it. 7. Grilled sandwiches should be wrapped in wax paper so they won’t sweat. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/59 "2012-08-22T14:36:13Z")
I try to avoid putting any condiments directly on the bread (except when using the bread as a napkin to wipe off the knife in preparation for the next one) as it just soaks in and the flavor and texture fade away. For PB&J, I put peanut butter on one slice, jelly on the other, and then put them together, jelly half on the bottom. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219/60 "2012-08-22T14:39:55Z")
Cold meatloaf sandwiches are proof Og loves us. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sandwich-rules/632219.md?page=4)