# Santa can go to hell **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 18, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822 "2003-12-18T19:09:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/1 "2003-12-18T19:09:50Z")
Fuck you, you fat fuck! You living monument to class warfare! How dare you get the hopes of millions of poor kids up only to dash their dreams each and every year? And then rich bastard children who already have everything get even more. Now we know who really funds the North Pole’s deficit spending. You make this country a wretched place to not be a billionare. Millions of kids starve each year and you build freakin’ rocking horses for some spoiled snot fuck of a demon spawn. And what the hell is with the fucking kids sitting on you lap, you perverted monkey fuck? Micheal Jackson doesn’t need some diabetic bowl of jelly to have a “bad Touch” race with! Leave the damn kids alone, you traumatizing troll! Then there is the whole “Have you been a good girl/boy?” thing, which is just totally wrong to ask a 5 year old. Plus Santa is a slave driver, his elven slaves are FORCED to make presents for the kids of rich fucks! One day Legolas is going to show up and there will be hell to pay. Then Hermie can yank what’s left of your rotten teeth out one by one without any anesthetic. And the Reindeer abuse has not gone unnoticed, either! Rudolf forced to live with a disability instead of being euthenized, the rest of the reindeer forced into marathon sleighrides they are ill prepared for once a year. How many of those reindeer don’t come back? I hear Vixon’s rotting corspe is still lying on the Johnson’s roof where he had his heart atttack last year, you heartless sack of aardvark mung! The pubic lice of a gorilla’s tapeworm’s butt has more compassion than you! And to top it all off, you don’t even have the decency to even EXIST! You damn figment fuck! How the fuck am i supposed to kill you when you died like 1000 years ago? The Ghostbusters aren’t returning my calls after the tooth fairy incident. I guess i’ll have to exorcise you myself. Or maybe stab a candy cane in your cold dark heart, the snow of the north pole will be stained red this year, the revolution will not be televised, but reported on Christmas morn when the rich kids of the world find their new stocking stuffers, a huge chunk of the jolly fat elf himself i lopped off just for their enjoyment! Take that, ya scum! I’ll put that coal to good use, on your FUNERAL PYRE!!! No one crosses **Tars Tarkas**! ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/2 "2003-12-18T19:48:40Z")
**Tars** , do you have a dog named Max? ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/3 "2003-12-18T20:00:44Z")
Someone was on the perpetual naughty when they were younger weren’t they? ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/4 "2003-12-18T20:06:20Z")
PERPETUAL NAUGHTY LIST ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/5 "2003-12-18T20:17:35Z")
Right! Cast the mythical present-giver into the equally-mythical eternal fire! Damn, and right before Christmas, too. What are we gonna tell the kids? ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/6 "2003-12-18T20:34:57Z")
**Tars, Tars, Tars** - 🙂 Look I got coal once in a while from that fat ass, but I worked through it. 25 years of counseling and countless thousands of dollars on prescription medication has made me have a special place in my heart for that fat fuck. Furthermore, it wasn’t easy, I know what you are going through, the denial, the improper thoughts, it happens to us all. We are all alike, abused the that _ **Santaphile** _! But at least I can see you are working through your fears…and yes theya re fears…the fear of that fat psychotic old man in a red jump suit pummeling you in your sleep because he found out about your extensive porn collection, the fear of that nasty big white beard bent over your bed at night, tickling your ear whilst whispering sweet nothings about whats in his sleigh…I know man! I know what your going through… Oh and one more thing: **I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico** 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Swampwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/7 "2003-12-18T20:41:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Amp \* > \*\*Someone was on the perpetual naughty when they were younger weren’t they? \*\* I did the perpetual naughty last night…hur-hur-hur… oh. Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/8 "2003-12-19T15:34:44Z")
> [@](#): > > I did the perpetual naughty last night…hur-hur-hur… That’s the Spirit! ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/9 "2003-12-19T16:12:57Z")
Santa supports terrorism . . . > [@](#): > > Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money? > ~ \*\*Tom Armstrong \*\* I say we invade the North Pole next. DaLovin’ Dj ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/10 "2003-12-19T16:55:44Z")
**TARS** , you remind me of the Baglady I once saw arguing with the statue of Jesus in front of a church in Jersey City. Much like that statue, Santa’s winning this argument without saying a word. ---
**Author:** ![county](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ce7236/32.png) [@county](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/county)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/11 "2003-12-19T17:05:27Z")
Damn man, Bah Humbug just wasn’t enough for you, huh? ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/12 "2003-12-19T17:08:37Z")
**Tars** [isn’t alone](http://www.theshrubbery.com/1298/santa.html). He’s just another proud A.S.S. member trying to do his part for the war on terrorism: > [@](#): > > The only solution is to put an end to Santa Claus. He is obviously the one and only reason why humans have become so utterly wicked. His tendency to feed on small children, the treatment of his wife, his obvious affiliation with the KKK, and his plan for world domination, should make Santa Claus Public Enemy Number One this year. So next time you take your child to see Santa Claus, give him a gun and say, “Honey, if Santa tries to cop a feel this year, blow his brains out.” Besides, your kid can’t be tried as an adult anyway, so what’s the harm really if you think about it. And whatever you do, stay away from the candy canes. > > “A Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.”–Brought to you by Assassinate Santa Soon (ASS). The internet is such an interesting place . . . DaLovin’ Dj ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/13 "2003-12-19T17:22:48Z")
Before anyone gets any bright ideas from my last post, I hereby forbid any “proud ASS member” jokes of the “guys named Richard standing up straight” variety. . . ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/14 "2003-12-19T17:47:57Z")
Could someone explain why the fuck Santa has to watch me sleep? He SEES me when I’m sleeping but he only knows when I’m awake. Why the does he watch me SLEEP? That creeps me out dude. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/15 "2003-12-19T18:05:47Z")
Zebra - to answer your question reference my post to this thread. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/16 "2003-12-19T18:17:39Z")
Hmm…one could interpret this as a joke thread, could they not? ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/17 "2003-12-19T19:21:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Amp \* > \*\*PERPETUAL NAUGHTY LIST \*\* Band Name! ---
**Author:** ![the\_creosote\_kid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b2d939/32.png) [@the\_creosote\_kid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_creosote_kid)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/18 "2003-12-19T20:53:52Z")
hey tars! with you all the way on this one pal! just imagine it – the bastard is gettin extra bucks for workin christmas, and i got to spend it with the family! the fat festive fuck-pig arse bandit! the only part i can`t agree with is sending him to hell — thats too good for the bearded do-gooder hard up the ass shit licker, no sir, i reckon we make a “deliverance” theme park, and he gets to be the guy who makes the pig noises,…lets hear a ho ho ho now ya red cheeked slime fuck… ps ---- merry christmas … ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/19 "2003-12-19T21:42:03Z")
Can anybody else see Michael Jackson dressing up as Santa? “Come here little boy. Sit on my lap and tell me what you want”. Creep city. ---
**Author:** ![Akatsukami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea666f/32.png) [@Akatsukami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akatsukami)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822/20 "2003-12-19T23:09:38Z")
Actually **Tars** , Santa has _already_ been sent to Hell. Acording to orthodox Christan theology, Santa, then called Lucifer, rebelled against God, uttering the notorious words, “_Non serviam_”, “I will not serve”. He and his fellow rebels, defeated by Michael, were cast out of Heaven and… Oh, wait, _Santa_. I thought you wrote _Satan_. :smack: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-can-go-to-hell/219822.md?page=2)