# Santa is gay
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 11, 2000, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031 "2000-12-11T16:50:31Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2000, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/1 "2000-12-11T16:50:31Z")
Everyone here knows my affection for Santa. This was sent to me by a friend who knew about it also. š Love yaā Nathan. (he doesnāt read the boards)
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myths, but I believe Santa is gay.
1)Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a straight man could possibly pull it all off!
2)For starters, think about the planning that goes into an event like Christmas. Even Martha Stewart is envious. Straight men have day jobs, so they wouldnāt have time to stand at the local shopping malls and ring a bell all day. But if youāre a gay, out-of-work Actor/Dancer/Waiter, itās the perfect gig until you get your big break.
3)Also, if he were straight he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santaās inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen? Fill in the blanks.
4)Mrs. Claus has been married to him for eons and heās never
fathered a child with her, sheās over-weight and still content. Can you say āFag-hagā?
5)Ever thought about the Rudolph story? Heās gay too! āAll of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.ā As if he wanted to. Isnāt Rudolph really a metaphor for the gay child in a straight society anyway?
6)Ever ask yourself why fruitcake is the traditional dessert at Christmastime? Well, now you know. And stop pretending you donāt like it. Deep down inside, youāve always liked fruitcake.
Other reasons why Santa canāt possibly be a straight man:
Look at the size of the bag he packs for a one-night trip!
Red velvet, fur collar, black engineer boots. Think people!!!
Physically heās a wet dream for the Girth and Mirth club and the perfect poster model for Bear Poster Child! (so true)
Gay men have long been using stockings to hide their candy.
Toys, toys, toys.
Ho-Ho / Homo. A little too similar if you ask me.
That long over-night flight around the world taps into the
flight attendant gene.
And one more thing, did you ever know a straight man named
Nicholas? Oh, straight society has tried to butch up his image by calling him St. Nick, but we know better. Itās Nicholas, damn it! Ms. Claus if youāre nasty.
HUGS!
Sqrl
---
### Author:  [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2000, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/2 "2000-12-11T16:55:32Z")
_Nicholas_ is a gay name? Since when? Not that Iād care if NicholasTot were gay, you know me being PC and all, but stillā¦now Bruce, thatās a gay name.
Other than that though, Iād have to say that this theory makes sense. Hmmmmm, must go get a little rainbow sticker for my mini-Santa sleigh.
---
### Author:  [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2000, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/3 "2000-12-11T17:01:17Z")
Hey mods, the title should read Santa is gay. š
Glad you liked it tater. hehehehe š My friend, Nathan, sent this to me. He is so funny.
HUGS!
Sqrl
---
### Author:  [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2000, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/4 "2000-12-11T17:18:34Z")
[hijack]
**Sqrl** , email me! I got a favor to ask.
[/hijack]
I gotta go with the prevailing opinion on this one. I seen pictures of old fat white-bearded men wearing leather vests and leather baseball caps in bars. Ya canāt tell me Santa doesnāt hang out at the North Pole the rest of the year when business gets slow.
---
### Author:  [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2000, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/5 "2000-12-11T17:29:11Z")
For the most part, I think you may have something here. But:
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by SqrlCub \*
> 3)Also, if he were straight he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santaās inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen? Fill in the blanks.
Iāll give you the names, but I would say reindeer are pretty masculine. Iām talking the real kind, not the Rudolph/Bambi type of deer.
> [@](#):
>
> 6)Ever ask yourself why fruitcake is the traditional dessert at Christmastime? Well, now you know. And stop pretending you donāt like it. Deep down inside, youāve always liked fruitcake.
I donāt ā really! Not that thereās anything wrong with liking fruitcake. Some of my best friends like fruitcake!
> [@](#):
>
> Red velvet, fur collar, black engineer boots. Think people!!!
š
---
### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2000, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/6 "2000-12-11T19:03:53Z")
What about Nicholas II of Russia? He was many things-gay wasnāt one of them.
Actually, according to most Romance novelists, Nicholas is a popular name in the genre.
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### Author:  [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2000, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/7 "2000-12-11T19:06:50Z")
Umā¦ Sqrl, sweetie? My dadās name is Nicholas.
[sub]maybe it skipped a generation? I am a lot like himā¦[/sub]
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### Author:  [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2000, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/8 "2000-12-11T19:47:13Z")
With every other holiday, everybody wishes each other āHAPPY \.ā HAPPY birthday. HAPPY new year. HAPPY groundhogās day.
But Santa, social deviant that he is, goes around screaming āMERRY Christmas!ā Why āmerryā? Is it because itās just a shade closer to āgayā than the word āhappyā?
Don we now our gay apparel, indeed!
---
### Author:  [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2000, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/9 "2000-12-11T20:09:55Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by tatertot \*
> \*\*ā¦now Bruce, thatās a gay name. \*\*
But if you got to know meā¦
(Yes, thatās my birth name.)
Of course, if you pronounce it _that_ wayā¦
Spritle (they call me āBruceā)
---
### Author:  [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2000, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/10 "2000-12-12T03:13:55Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by tatertot \*
> \*\* but stillā¦now Bruce, thatās a gay name.
> \*\*
Nooooo!!! It canāt be thatās Batman. I mean, just because he runs around in tights all night & has a secret lifeā¦
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### Author:  [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2000, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/11 "2000-12-12T03:55:40Z")
> [@](#):
>
> 3)Also, if he were straight he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santaās inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen? Fill in the blanks.
After seeing the stuffed reindeer porn at Falconās, I can buy it.
Santaās into _beastiality!_ BWAHAHAHA!
---
### Author:  [@fnord1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fnord1966)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2000, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/12 "2000-12-12T03:59:10Z")
What about Bruce Campbell? He cant possibly be gay.
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### Author:  [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2000, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/13 "2000-12-12T13:01:24Z")
Are you saying Bruce Lee was ālight in the loafersā?
Bruce Dern has more than a passing fancy for styling hair?
Bruce Dickerson (Iron Maiden) calls a spade a āthpadeā?
Bruce Johnson (Alice Cooperās 70ās band) would bend over backward for a roadie? [band name notwithstanding]
Lenny Bruce was a $3 bill?
---
### Author:  [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2000, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/14 "2000-12-12T13:40:12Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by fierra \*
> \*\*
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > \*Originally posted by tatertot \*
> > \*\* but stillā¦now Bruce, thatās a gay name.
> > \*\*
>
> Nooooo!!! It canāt be thatās Batman. I mean, just because he runs around in tights all night & has a secret lifeā¦ \*\*
```
You left out running around with his "youthful ward", the "Boy WOnder" with the shaved legs...
```
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### Author:  [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2000, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/15 "2000-12-12T14:12:03Z")
OK, Iāll play along.
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by SqrlCub \*
> \*\*
>
> 3)Also, if he were straight he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santaās inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen? Fill in the blanks.\*\*
What about Comet? Or Blitzen. Sounds like someoneās been watching a little too much WWF. Maybe Mrs. Santa named the others. Or maybe theyāre _girl_ reindeer.
> [@](#):
>
> 4)Mrs. Claus has been married to him for eons and heās never fathered a child with her, sheās over-weight and still content. Can you say āFag-hagā?
No, but I can say ālow sperm countā.
> [@](#):
>
> 5)Ever thought about the Rudolph story? Heās gay too! āAll of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.ā As if he wanted to. Isnāt Rudolph really a metaphor for the gay child in a straight society anyway?
Um, sure. Whatever you say. Now tell me what this ink blot looks like.
> [@](#):
>
> Physically heās a wet dream for the Girth and Mirth club and the perfect poster model for Bear Poster Child! (so true)
So, if he looked like one of the Backstreet Boys, then heād be straight??
> [@](#):
>
> Gay men have long been using stockings to hide their candy.
Iāll give you this one because I donāt even know what youāre talking about.
> [@](#):
>
> And one more thing, did you ever know a straight man named Nicholas? Oh, straight society has tried to butch up his image by calling him St. Nick, but we know better. Itās Nicholas, damn it! Ms. Claus if youāre nasty.
I thought his name was Kris Kringle.
Thanks Sqrl. I did enjoy the original post. š
---
### Author:  [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2000, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/16 "2000-12-12T14:29:19Z")
Well, this made getting out of bed less painful and almost worth it.
Thanks!
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### Author:  [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/17 "2000-12-12T14:38:04Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Nacho4Sara \*
> \*\*[
>
> After seeing the stuffed reindeer porn at Falconās, I can buy it.
>
> \*\*
Stuffed reindeer porn??? Do tell.
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### Author:  [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2000, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/18 "2000-12-12T14:44:30Z")
So I guess theres money being exchanged around Xmas timeā¦ho ho ho!
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### Author:  [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2000, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/19 "2000-12-12T14:51:21Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by SqrlCub \*
> \*\*4)Mrs. Claus has been married to him for eons and heās never
> fathered a child with her, sheās over-weight and still content. Can you say āFag-hagā?
> \*\*
Maybe it is because he only comes once a year, and then it is down a chimney š
---
### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2000, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santa-is-gay/45031/20 "2000-12-12T16:10:05Z")
THAT explains the Simpson episode with John the gay guy and the Christmas tie-ins. Matt Groening must be aware of this!
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