# Santa's here!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 15, 2000, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781 "2000-12-15T18:35:45Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)
#### Post date: [December 15, 2000, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/1 "2000-12-15T18:35:45Z")
We’ve had the Secret Santa thread, the Mistletoe thread, now the big one:
```
I'll put on the red suit, phony belly and fake beard. Cast off the stress of exams, jobs and shopping! Go back to the innocence of childhood, climb into Santa's lap and tell me what you want.
```
---
### Author:  [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)
#### Post date: [December 15, 2000, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/2 "2000-12-15T19:23:32Z")
Santa, I want a keg of Guinness for christmas. I promise to be a good boy and drink it all up. Oh yeah, and a quarter of that nice chocolate-thai that we smoked a few years ago. That’s it. Oh yeah, and my two fwont teef!
😃
---
### Author:  [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)
#### Post date: [December 15, 2000, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/3 "2000-12-15T19:43:43Z")
I’m easy, Santa. Just get me what **Demo** wants and I promise I won’t fart on your lap like I did last year.
Ooo, wait, can I trade my keg for some green skunk weed? So I can switch off from the Thai. 😉 And this time tell Blitzen to keep his nose out of my stash. Thanks.
::pokes Santa’s belly::
You sure that’s a _fake_ belly???
---
### Author:  [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)
#### Post date: [December 15, 2000, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/4 "2000-12-15T19:45:45Z")
OK, Demo, here’s your keg. Remember not to let it get too cold, and never pull a full glass at once. You have to let it settle. And here’s 2 new teeth from out newly expanded tooth factory (we just got the National Hockey League contract).
---
### Author:  [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)
#### Post date: [December 15, 2000, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/5 "2000-12-15T19:52:28Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Dire Wolf \*
> \*\*I’m easy, Santa. Just get me what **Demo** wants and I promise I won’t fart on your lap like I did last year.
>
> Ooo, wait, can I trade my keg for some green skunk weed? So I can switch off from the Thai. 😉 And this time tell Blitzen to keep his nose out of my stash. Thanks.
>
> ::pokes Santa’s belly::
>
> You sure that’s a _fake_ belly??? \*\*
Last year? For a fart that was awfully wet…here’s some Depends…
```
Here's your skunk weed, Blitzen has his own Maui Wowie this year.
And yes, the belly is fake. I know you have trouble distinguishing real and fake. You should be glad you struck out with that "lady" last Friday. Those boobs you were staring at? Fake. What was in "her" panties? Real...
```
---
### Author:  [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)
#### Post date: [December 16, 2000, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/6 "2000-12-16T00:51:26Z")
Santa, I laughed so hard I almost choked! 😃
Forget the buds, just bring me a dry keyboard.
---
### Author:  [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)
#### Post date: [December 16, 2000, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/7 "2000-12-16T01:06:39Z")
Sex.
No,wait … I told you I wanted that last year and I didn’t get it. DAMN YOU, SANTA! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL !!
---
### Author:  [@maidenunicorn41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maidenunicorn41)
#### Post date: [December 16, 2000, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/8 "2000-12-16T01:11:41Z")
Santa, I want a friend of mine to come and visit me.Do you think you can arrange that? 🙂
Santa, I have a question, When I was sitting on your lap, something was poking my a\*\*, Was that my imagination or do you like me? 😃
Oh, santa, you rock my world.
---
### Author:  [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)
#### Post date: [December 16, 2000, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/9 "2000-12-16T01:45:25Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Eutychus55 \*
> \*\*Sex.
>
> No,wait … I told you I wanted that last year and I didn’t get it. DAMN YOU, SANTA! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL !!
>
> \*\*
```
Is that any language for a saint to use? The only stockings I'll bring you are full of coal, and I don't mean Anthracite.
You want to try your luck elsewhere, see
```
[Tripler](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=51102)
---
### Author:  [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)
#### Post date: [December 16, 2000, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/10 "2000-12-16T01:49:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by maidenunicorn41 \*
> \*\*Santa, I want a friend of mine to come and visit me.Do you think you can arrange that? 🙂
>
> \*\*
It’s a busy season, litle girl, but a long year between Christmases…
> [@](#):
>
> Santa, I have a question, When I was sitting on your lap, something was poking my a\*\*, Was that my imagination or do you like me? 😃
```
That depends. If you were a good girl, it was a candy cane. If you were a bad girl, it was something else.
```
---
### Author:  [@maidenunicorn41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maidenunicorn41)
#### Post date: [December 16, 2000, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/11 "2000-12-16T04:32:37Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by lurkernomore \*
> That depends. If you were a good girl, it was a candy cane. If you were a bad girl, it was something else. \*\*
Oh,Santa, I was a very **naughty girl** ,so when do I get my present? 😃 (And I dont need it wrapped)
---
### Author:  [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)
#### Post date: [December 16, 2000, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/12 "2000-12-16T21:41:39Z")
Yes you do, hon, you don’t know where it has been!
🙂
Scotti
---
### Author:  [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)
#### Post date: [December 16, 2000, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/13 "2000-12-16T22:55:10Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by lurkernomore \*
> \*\*You want to try your luck elsewhere, see
> [Tripler](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=51102) \*\*
I tried. They kicked me out.
---
### Author:  [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)
#### Post date: [December 16, 2000, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/14 "2000-12-16T23:58:49Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Eutychus55 \*
> \*\*
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > \*Originally posted by lurkernomore \*
> > \*\*You want to try your luck elsewhere, see
> > [Tripler](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=51102) \*\*
>
> I tried. They kicked me out.
>
> \*\*
Oh, yes, didn’t we have a "This is for the needy, not the greedy. " remark, asking the married folks to let the single ones have their fun. Hey, Santa had to work on embedding links. We all know the mods are the good guys, but Mrs. Euty has to give THAT gift…
---
### Author:  [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)
#### Post date: [December 17, 2000, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/15 "2000-12-17T00:05:20Z")
[QUOTE]
\*Originally posted by lurkernomore \*
\*\*
> [@](#):
>
> Oh, yes, didn’t we have a "This is for the needy, not the greedy. " remark, asking the married folks to let the single ones have their fun. Hey, Santa had to work on embedding links. We all know the mods are the good guys, but Mrs. Euty has to give THAT gift… \*\*
Damn. Looks like I’ll have to be satisfied with a pair of socks again this year. ☹
---
### Author:  [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)
#### Post date: [December 17, 2000, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/16 "2000-12-17T00:11:26Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Scotticher \*
> \*\*Yes you do, hon, you don’t know where it has been!
>
> 🙂
>
> Scotti \*\*
Scotti,
I \*\* KNEW \*\* I shouldn’t have given you that fiber optic camera and parabolic mike last year…do i have to look for film clips on the Internet?
[SUB] uh, there’s a P4 with a gig of RD RAM and a RAID array in it for you if Mrs. Santa never sees that clip… What did you think, BTW? [/SUB]
---
### Author:  [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)
#### Post date: [December 17, 2000, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/17 "2000-12-17T20:07:40Z")
Aw, lurker~
This is SCOTTI you are taking to! Knows all, repeats nothing.
Your secret is safe with me.
And as for the film clip, it self-destructed before I even got to see it. Say, what were you DOING there, anyway? Up in a cloud of smoke it went!
🙂
---
### Author:  [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)
#### Post date: [December 17, 2000, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/18 "2000-12-17T21:45:32Z")
Well, Scotti, I don’t know all - why don’t you sit in my lap and tell me what you want ffor Christams?
---
### Author:  [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)
#### Post date: [December 17, 2000, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/19 "2000-12-17T21:49:05Z")
[QUOTE]
\*Originally posted by Eutychus55 \*
\*\*
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by lurkernomore \*
> \*\*
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > Oh, yes, didn’t we have a "This is for the needy, not the greedy. " remark, asking the married folks to let the single ones have their fun. Hey, Santa had to work on embedding links. We all know the mods are the good guys, but Mrs. Euty has to give THAT gift… \*\*
>
> Damn. Looks like I’ll have to be satisfied with a pair of socks again this year. ☹ \*\*
You know, I’m getting old, better check my hearing aid. I thought you asked for lots of sox last year too…
---
### Author:  [@maidenunicorn41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maidenunicorn41)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2000, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/santas-here/45781/20 "2000-12-19T05:22:00Z")
Santa, I am still waiting to open my present. You never said when I could. 🙂
_she walks away thinking to herself, probably will have to wait until next year to get it._