# Sarcastic Answers to Perfectly Civil Questions **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 7, 2015, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230 "2015-01-07T15:50:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/21 "2015-01-09T10:02:13Z")
> [@JohnGalt](#): > > Are we limited to questions already asked here? How about: > > At the grocery store: Do you want your milk in a bag? > Answer: Nope, leave it in the jug. Would you like your beer in a bag? Yes, actually 12 individual bags, so I can drink it on the way home. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/22 "2015-01-09T12:22:04Z")
> [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](#): > > **Why don’t we power our mobile devices with petrol engines?** > We do. They’re called “cars” and “motorcycles”. Brilliant! ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/23 "2015-01-09T12:52:20Z")
> [@JohnGalt](#): > > Are we limited to questions already asked here? How about: > > At the grocery store: Do you want your milk in a bag? > Answer: Nope, leave it in the jug. Do you want your potato chips in a bag? They’re already in one. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/24 "2015-01-09T15:06:30Z")
**Anybody else doing a dry January?** It’s Portland, Oregon; get a fucking grip. ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/25 "2015-01-09T23:39:52Z")
**Pronunciation of "Gotham"** You pronounce it “Cholmondely-ffarquharson”, obviously. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/26 "2015-01-10T01:12:12Z")
**Have you ever turned down a promotion?** Yeah, I didn’t need any new carpet. ---
**Author:** ![california\_jobcase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@california\_jobcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/california_jobcase)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/27 "2015-01-10T02:08:25Z")
From a cashier: Thanks, you have a good one! Me: Wow! Thanks for noticing! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2015, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/28 "2015-01-11T21:18:38Z")
\*\* What’s a Homeland Security Check?\*\* About $2500 plus overtime. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2015, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/29 "2015-01-11T22:46:37Z")
> [@JohnGalt](#): > > At the grocery store: Do you want your milk in a bag? > Answer: Nope, leave it in the jug. In Canada, milk actually comes in bags, not jugs. ---
**Author:** ![Winnipeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ec9cab/32.png) [@Winnipeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winnipeg)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/30 "2015-01-12T00:07:52Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > In Canada, milk actually comes in bags, not jugs. Only eastern canada, Manitoba westward its plastic jugs or card containers. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/31 "2015-01-12T02:40:08Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > We’re doing Bill Ingval’s “Here’s your sign” routine here? > [@jimbuff314](#): > > Well, as soon as you throw one out, “we” will be. 👍 Oh. Sorry about that. Did you get a flat tire? Did you catch that fish? ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/32 "2015-01-12T03:28:18Z")
Better put some air in it? Dunno about the second. And now “we” are - doing what’s-his-name’s whatchamacallit. Sort of. S’posed to provide the smartass answers as well. \<_sob. sniff._\> ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/33 "2015-01-12T04:30:56Z")
No, it’s the front of the line. We’re all facing backwards. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/34 "2015-01-12T04:36:30Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > Well played, **Your Great Darsh Face**. > > Not related to any threads here, but IRL I am a female painting contractor. Sometimes I stop at the grocery store or wherever on my way home from work, and I look like…a painter. > > I am often asked “are you a painter?” :smack: > > When I am feeling snarky, I say “No, a dental hygienist.” Stops people in their tracks, but I usually end up making a joke of it so the person doesn’t feel too silly. > > (Male painters do not get this question, I am told.) I used to volunteer for a home improvement agency that helped with projects for lower-income people. So I would wear my work clothes to church which was right before volunteer time. My father says “You’re working at Agency today?” Well, I would hope there was a good reason for me to be dressed that way at church?! ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/35 "2015-01-12T04:50:15Z")
**What time is it?** WHen you asked or now? ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/36 "2015-01-12T05:06:40Z")
> [@Toastmaker](#): > > **“Do these jeans make my ass look fat ?”** > . Nah, your ass does that on it’s own. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/37 "2015-01-12T05:11:04Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > Or as I was about to say “The Straight Dope Meets the Redneck Comedy Tour”. Not Our Taters Salad called from the MMP… ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/38 "2015-01-12T12:41:14Z")
These are fun. Did you know [MAD Magazine has been doing it for decades](http://www.madmagazine.com/tags/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions)? ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/39 "2015-01-12T12:42:05Z")
> [@anyrose](#): > > These are fun. Did you know [MAD Magazine has been doing it for decades](http://www.madmagazine.com/tags/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions)? “No, I thought I’d originated the whole idea out of my own head. Here’s your sign!” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-answers-to-perfectly-civil-questions/709230/40 "2015-01-12T12:52:23Z")
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