# Sarcastic Winter PSAs **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 1, 2018, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719 "2018-01-01T23:38:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2018, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/1 "2018-01-01T23:38:44Z")
You may have noticed the white masses falling from the sky in recent weeks. That’s called snow, and it presents a problem. The problem is traction: Snow provides way too much. People can walk in it, crunching it down and getting where they need to go. The solution is simple: Scrape away all the snow, leaving only a smooth layer of glazed ice, which provides no traction whatsoever. Job Done. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/2 "2018-01-02T00:45:05Z")
When I was in college at University of Michigan, they had already perfected this process by cleaning sidewalks with a fast spinning stiff bristle brush on a bobcat. Not only did it brush off the snow, it simultaneously polished the ice to a sheen, and created just enough friction to temporarily melt a micro-layer of ice back into water, so any possible imperfections in the surface that might allow traction, would be filled in. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/3 "2018-01-03T00:12:12Z")
Tired of all the snow, the cold and the early sunsets? The Earth has this thing called an Equator. Go find it! Tell 'em **burpo** sent you. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/4 "2018-01-03T01:55:32Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > The problem is traction: Snow provides way too much. People can walk in it, crunching it down and getting where they need to go. > > The solution is simple: Scrape away all the snow, leaving only a smooth layer of glazed ice, which provides no traction whatsoever. Even when it remains below freezing, a little solar radiation usually melts that last little bit the next day. Of course we can try your idea, don’t shovel, let people’s footprints pack it down, which makes it a frozen, uneven pile that last for _days_. Nope, no way to roll/sprain/break an ankle on that. Or we can go for what’s behind Curtain #3, Monty; throw so much salt down that your feet literally don’t touch the ground; that’s always good for traction control. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/5 "2018-01-03T04:40:48Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Tired of all the snow, the cold and the early sunsets? > > The Earth has this thing called an Equator. Go find it! > > Tell 'em **burpo** sent you. One day I shall return there. But for now, I need the powers that be in the DC area get some notion of WTF to do with freezing temperatures. (\*And when I perfect the time machine I’ll travel back and try to ascertain from a distant ancestor what possibly made a species evolved in the East African Rift move to where there’s ice and snow for months. Damn that has got to have been some famine, or some truly obnoxious neighboring tribe.) ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2018, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/6 "2018-01-04T02:03:23Z")
^ Different women. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2018, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/7 "2018-01-04T04:11:28Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > …(\*And when I perfect the time machine I’ll travel back and try to ascertain from a distant ancestor what possibly made a species evolved in the East African Rift move to where there’s ice and snow for months. Damn that has got to have been some famine, or some truly obnoxious neighboring tribe.) Economic growth is somewhat negatively correlated to how agreeable the weather is, and how many natural resources you have. People are more inclined to work hard if (a) the weather is too shit to go to the beach; and (b) there isn’t plenty of valuable stuff just lying around that you can sell. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2018, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/8 "2018-01-04T05:10:36Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > ^ Different women. They’re all the same. Don’t kid yourself. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2018, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/9 "2018-01-04T13:56:10Z")
Yesterday I saw a guy trying to drive out of a self serve car wash. It was a very mild grade. His car was nice and clean, but his tires were spinning like mad and he was barely moving. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2018, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/10 "2018-01-05T16:31:24Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > They’re all the same. Don’t kid yourself. Oh no they aren’t, otherwise I would have wanted to stop looking after I saw my first naked one… 😃 Also, when you are out travelling assume your car is about to break down or slide into a ditch and bring along clothes that will prevent you from freezing to death; or just sit in your freezing metal box and become a contender for a Darwin Award. Your call. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2018, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/11 "2018-01-06T02:35:41Z")
Be sure to pack every single thing your Dad told you to pack in your car when driving around in snow/ice/brutal cold: kitty litter, road flares, blankets, food for three days, extra chains, a shovel, water\*, extra boots and dry clothes, CB radio, a Very pistol, extra gasoline, spare hat, Long Johns, crampons, rope, rock salt, a come-along, bear rifle, brandy\*\*, another human being to conserve body heat with, extra spare tire, a toboggan, skis (and poles), gloves _and_ mittens, ski mask, stupid looking wool cap with puffy thing on top, earmuffs, scarf, Lifehammer (w/seat belt cutter) rescue tool, tire pump, distilled water (for battery), spare jumper cables, several tarps, flashlights (and batts) and nail clippers, in addition to your regular toolbox. This will accomplish one of two things: 1. Your car will be too heavy to move, so you’re not going anywhere, or, 2. When the cops find you at the bottom of the frozen lake five weeks later, you’ll be so snugly packed in, you won’t be injured at all. \*(You can’t eat snow, it brings down your core temp.) \*\*(Yes, I know.) ---
**Author:** ![Sveltington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@Sveltington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sveltington)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2018, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/12 "2018-01-06T07:14:26Z")
Attention large vehicle drivers ie:Hummers, Extended cab/bed pickups and all oversized SUV’s! Please be aware while driving on ice, snow or a mix it imperative you drive faster than you would when the pavement is dry. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2018, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/13 "2018-01-06T10:30:18Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Tired of all the snow, the cold and the early sunsets? > > The Earth has this thing called an Equator. Go find it! > > Tell 'em **burpo** sent you. On my way already. But thanks. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2018, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sarcastic-winter-psas/805719/14 "2018-01-06T15:13:42Z")
If you value your life, DO NOT clear the 8 or 9 inches of powder off your car after a snowstorm, it’s keeping your passenger area insulated until your heater kicks in just as you’re pulling into your parking space at work. DO clear off a 12 inch square from your front windshield as you need to see where you’re going, but “What’s-a behind me is not important.” That’s what wind is for. Besides, the majority of heat escapes out your back window as you’re flying down the road 25 MPH over the speed limit. And the other drivers will be so appreciative of the pretty “dispray” of snow you’re providing on their grueling trek to work that every single one will honk their thanks at you as you obliterate the view like a '57 Chevy with bad engine rings. Remember, safety is important. _Your_ safety.