…I don’t know who the hell it is. Get out already.
Hmm … have you recently shouted the phrase “Get thee behind me, Satan!”? It’s possible he may have misheard you slightly, or he’s just too literal.
Heather? Is that you?
It’s me. What up, bitch.
Oh, and you may want to look into a colonic soon. FYI.
I have consulted with the Dark Master (O, Besodom! All hail! May our tongues burn perpetually in pronouncement of your divers visage!), and apparently he is on a junket somewhere in the Middle East.
This is not his work directly but rather a minion.
Apparently you are posessed by the minor anal demon, Colosatiel.
Invoke Colosatiel while performing the Lesser Ritual of the Banishing Pentagram- upon finishing take 2 tbls. of Pepto Bismol. Should do the trick.
Wouldn’t that just promote retention of the Infernal One? I’d think a laxative would be in order.
Listen not to the heretics! I’m here to help you.
I can help you achieve the anal infamy you have for so long desired.
Join me, and together we’ll Le Petomane look like another Frenchman with a kazoo up his wazoo. Do not poo-poo this chance at rectal renown. Take time to digest this offer. Otherwise I shall be forced to make you my puppet.
The devil is in the details.
Or entrails.
Someone had one hell of a colonoscopy.
I suppose a holywater enema is warranted. Calling Fr. Freufele!!