# Satan sez: microwave your baby! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 21, 2007, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923 "2007-05-21T14:17:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/21 "2007-05-21T15:14:53Z")
[QUOTE=Quiddity Glomfuster] :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] And herewith, now and forever, lies the very _least_ one can do, other than nothing. Maybe even _including_ nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/22 "2007-05-21T15:16:47Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Yeah, I understand. But it’s theists like this that tend to make headlines. The last time I heard of a Unitarian roasting up some tender baby back baby was… Never, I think. [/QUOTE] Does it matter that they were theists? Obviously it does at least a bit since that’s the (deranged!) excuse they made. But it just seems incidental to their obvious looniness. Just like **tdn** said, without religion they would have found some other equally insane reason for nuking their baby. Sheesh. Sometimes I think there should be a license to breed… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/23 "2007-05-21T15:20:02Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] Hello! Has no one heard of a spit? [/QUOTE] Silly rabbit. That’s how you cook a nun. What’s black and white and black and beige and black and brown and black and black? ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/24 "2007-05-21T15:22:07Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] You are one sick puppy. You would seriously poke holes in a baby and microwave it for your dinner? Sick fuck. It would crisp up much better in a conventional oven. [/QUOTE] Hey, hey, hey! This world would be a much better place with a little love and understanding for those whose ways are different from our own. While microwaving babies may well be the work of Satan, we must still extend the hand of fellowship to those poor mistaken souls who insist treating their babies that way. [QUOTE=El\_Kabong] Yeah, well, don’t forget to baste or it’s gonna end up like shoe leather. [/QUOTE] Personally, I think the key is putting them in a baking bag, that way all those tender juices stay in. I’ve also heard that Deep Fried Baby is quite good, but I’ve never tried that method myself. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/25 "2007-05-21T15:23:27Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Yeah, I understand. But it’s theists like this that tend to make headlines. The last time I heard of a Unitarian roasting up some tender baby back baby was… Never, I think. [/QUOTE] Well then maybe it has less to do with “theism” and more to do with “being fucking insane” than you may have intimated in your original post. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/26 "2007-05-21T15:31:38Z")
Doesn’t it seem like Satan would have better things to do? What is he, the ultimate micromanager? I don’t buy it. One of his lower-echelon underlings, maybe. A discipline case, a “Steve-O” of the underworld, mucking up the boss’s infernal plans with his jackass pranks— but not the big D himself. This is the kind of thing Satan reads about in the New York Post\* while holding his horny head in his hands and muttering “I don’t need this shit.” \*Interestingly, the only quotidian news publication available in Hell. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/27 "2007-05-21T15:33:31Z")
[QUOTE=El\_Kabong] Yeah, well, don’t forget to baste or it’s gonna end up like shoe leather. [/QUOTE] I recommend soaking in brine. You think it works well on turkeys? You ain’t seen nothing yet! 😛 And, yeah, I agree with the OP: people who microwave meat should be pitted as a general rule. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/28 "2007-05-21T15:49:24Z")
[QUOTE=Ponder Stibbons] I’ve also heard that Deep Fried Baby is quite good, but I’ve never tried that method myself. [/QUOTE] In what, baby oil? With a little drying and curing, you could make baby jerky. ---
**Author:** ![Sefton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Sefton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sefton)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/29 "2007-05-21T15:55:33Z")
> [@](#): > > **Satan sez: microwave your baby!** OK. Done. Now what do I do? ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/30 "2007-05-21T15:56:31Z")
[QUOTE=The King of Soup] And herewith, now and forever, lies the very _least_ one can do, other than nothing. Maybe even _including_ nothing. [/QUOTE] How many times do people on this board have to remind the (supposedly ‘brilliant’) populace of SDMB that nutjob exceptions are NOT the rule? The jokes about baking babies - funny. The rants about ‘theists’ all being out of their minds - just tiresome, annoying, and, really, evidence of far less than brilliance. Every time someone posts a reply like > [@](#): > > This certainly doesn’t do much for the god argument, does it? in response to one of these incidents, the collective IQ of the board drops another few notches. I gather you’d rather I drag the offenders to the Pit and launch a vitriolic diatribe? Can’t be bothered. So a :rolleyes: because it’s just stupid and tiresome and annoying to see the same old sameold inanity is as much as I can, on this holiday morning, be bothered to muster. Now please go on with the BBQ Baby recipes. At least they are witty. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/31 "2007-05-21T16:11:09Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] In what, baby oil? With a little drying and curing, you could make baby jerky. [/QUOTE] Most babies are pretty jerky all on their own. You don’t have to make 'em. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/32 "2007-05-21T16:15:56Z")
> [@](#): > > “Satan saw my husband as a threat. Satan attacked him because he saw (Joshua) as a threat,” Eva Mauldin told Houston television station KHOU-TV. This is why Cthulhu makes a superior deity. If Cthulhu had perceived a threat, Joshua would have been eaten without the need to resort to microwaving. This also would have set a positive example for responsible use of energy. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/33 "2007-05-21T16:22:19Z")
[QUOTE=Quiddity Glomfuster] How many times do people on this board have to remind the (supposedly ‘brilliant’) populace of SDMB that nutjob exceptions are NOT the rule? The jokes about baking babies - funny. The rants about ‘theists’ all being out of their minds - just tiresome, annoying, and, really, evidence of far less than brilliance. Every time someone posts a reply like in response to one of these incidents, the collective IQ of the board drops another few notches. I gather you’d rather I drag the offenders to the Pit and launch a vitriolic diatribe? Can’t be bothered. So a :rolleyes: because it’s just stupid and tiresome and annoying to see the same old sameold inanity is as much as I can, on this holiday morning, be bothered to muster. Now please go on with the BBQ Baby recipes. At least they are witty. [/QUOTE] Say what you want about the nut jobs…but that’s not what the comment was about, Miss Condescending Rolling Eyes christian Girl. The fact that the incident happened at all doesn’t say much for the almightiness of your god. Where’s some divine intervention when you need it? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/34 "2007-05-21T16:26:21Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] It would crisp up much better in a conventional oven. [/QUOTE] Those seen-on-TV rotisseries are much more intelligently designed. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/35 "2007-05-21T16:32:39Z")
Oh, come on lady – the “It was Satan!” insanity dodge only works when the perpetrator says it. _You_ say he was under a lot of stress. and _he_ says he was commanded to do it by Belial. It’s not that hard. Just figure it out before you get the expert witness on the stand to explain about post-partum depression, okay? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/36 "2007-05-21T16:32:43Z")
_“Please don’t put Suzie in the Suzie Bake Oven.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/37 "2007-05-21T16:34:55Z")
[QUOTE=tagos] It’s a sad day when the Chosen can’t microwave their own offspring without a bunch of godless athiests turning up to mock. [/QUOTE] Permission to tagline this, sir? ---
**Author:** ![fachverwirrt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/94ad74/32.png) [@fachverwirrt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fachverwirrt)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/38 "2007-05-21T16:35:32Z")
What I don’t get is why anyone would take orders from a [hockey player](http://sports.espn.go.com/nhl/players/profile?playerId=823&out). Now if _Santa_ had told him to microwave a baby… ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/39 "2007-05-21T16:43:12Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] _“Please don’t put Suzie in the Suzie Bake Oven.”_ [/QUOTE] Or cats in the CAT scanner. The hairs get everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/40 "2007-05-21T17:32:36Z")
What scares me is that there are other nutjobs who will now follow the baby-baker because he is so holy Satan targeted him personally. I am so tempted to go look for Mom’s myspace page… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923.md?page=3)